Does anyone else just not really care what they look like?

[WillsandKatesDivorcePartyDJ]

I suppose it started slowly.
I gave up wearing make up.
I gave up straightening my hair.
I gave up wearing nice shoes and went for comfort.
I stopped caring about what I wore. As long as it was clean and functional.
I brushed my teeth daily, but I now longer whitened. I stopped googling braces and getting a new crown.
I ran out of time to exercise.
I stopped caring about buying new clothes for holidays, it was bad for the planet and so on holiday there I was in my old fleece and my old jeans.
I decided to eat what I wanted.
But today I saw myself in a Superdrug mirror and oh my god, who the hell is that?
I'm 34. I look 64.
How do I get it back? It all seems such a faff now. Plus I have two kids, one house renovation, a full time job and four animals. Can I even get it back? And what for?

It’s funny but you can actually ‘faff about with makeup and straighteners’ as well as enjoy a good book @SweetSakura Looking after your appearance and your brain are not mutually exclusive 😳

This sounds more serious that you are giving it credit for. Do your have low self esteem generally? Self care doesn't need to mean face masks. But not taking care of yourself at all is a worrying sign.

I can so relate. I had my first dd1 fairly youngish so bounced back. My second dd was 8 years later she's just over a year and as much as I love her she's sucked the life out of me. She's a terrible sleeper so I'm knackered 90% of the time. Putting make up on, straightening my hair is way to much effort - hopefully I'll get back there one day.

Do you care? You sound like you might when you saw yourself? Although, bare in mind that shop lights/mirrors are awful.

If you genuingely don't care, then carry on as you are and enjoy focusing on stuff you do care about.

If you do care, then decide what one thing shocked you in the mirror and address that.

Don't try to do everything or you will be overwhelmed. Don't do it for other people either.

I haven’t exactly stopped caring what I look like: for me looking healthy, well put together and reasonably groomed makes me feel stronger and boosts my confidence in many areas of life so I do care about it.

Bur I have stopped dressing for the male gaze and comparing myself and my body to other women and stressing over making small incremental changes to my appearance that no one else will ever notice (such as curling my eyelashes and stuff like that).

Ultimately a lot of aesthetic endeavour is based around trying to make women more sexually attractive to men. When in fact men rarely notice it and it makes no difference whatsoever to what they think of you. It’s all about self confidence and women waste so much time and energy going down pointless aesthetic rabbit holes. It is very liberating not having to overthink this kind of shit.

I suppose maybe my work is partially to 'blame' as I work in the prison system, although not directly but as a visiting professional and is not the sort of work you dress up for, or do anything to draw attention to yourself as a woman. I think sometimes it's hard to snap out of that mindset.
I certainly don't have low self esteem. I think I'm great well the inside of me!

I have never cared. I was bullied in school for being ugly. Tbh, I am not pretty or even average. My parents never bought school photos of me, and even as an adult I hear people talk about me when I am out in public.
As I have got older, I look even worse. Am now obese and have wonky teeth... rosacea too.
Trying to make an effort now would be like polishing a turd.

I never said they weren't. I just said that's what I enjoy

@Thepeopleversuswork I think this is what I'm aiming for. Feeling more confident without feeling like I'm losing myself.

I am full of admiration for women of my age (60s) who can be bothered with the well groomed business. They look great. But can't get up any enthusiasm for it. All that matching of stuff. And having to buy it in the 1st place. If I buy a nice scarf I lose it pretty quickly.
It helps that my husband likes me as I am. And I really think he does.

All you need to do is to eat properly and exercise. Fuck the rest of it. You will then be healthy, and that will help you look good.

But there is a huge gulf between just not caring what you look like, and wearing stiletto heels. It’s about identifying what looking/feeling your best means for you.

For me it’s about the nicest or most satisfying version of my preferred things, even if those are usually just gym leggings and long tops and good trainers I can go for a long walk in. I want the colours to work and the fabric to be good; I want the right jackets and scarves.

And then: good haircut, general attention to cleanliness, skincare that works. Bit of makeup when I’m in the mood.

I’m older than you and also overweight and I think I did kind of forget for a while, when the dc were young, that this stuff mattered to me. It came back naturally as soon as I had more time.

I’m like this, could have written your list apart from I do exercise! I run but it’s more for my mental health with weight loss as a nice bonus. I also moisturise and paint my nails but that’s it. No make up, no hair straighteners, no spending ££££ on new clothes all the time. I WFH so that is part of it. I genuinely don’t care! It’s liberating…I feel more sorry for people who out their self worth by how they look and are always worrying. However! I did catch sight of myself in a shopping centre mirror today and thoughts I looked really old for my ahe work massive dark circles, but I put this down to being tired and my diet, not drinking enough water which I can fix…

I care far more about what my body can do than what it looks like.

I can walk up to 20 miles a day, I can run, cycle, swim and paddle board. I can garden for hours. The health and strength (which I work at daily) to do that is far more important to me than make up, hair colour or fashionable clothing.

I think hair makes the biggest difference to someone's appearance, I know it does to mine without straighteners my hair is like Hermione in the first year of Hogwarts - big and bushy.
Its also for practical reasons my job is split between admin work and being on site, straightened hair is easier to brush after being outside in the wind and less prone to knots.

No. I could never willingly get to that point.

If you don’t care then that’s fine but I would hate myself if this is what point I’d got to! When I don’t straighten my hair or wear makeup I feel awful! I am attractive without makeup but I prefer to make myself look my best as I then feel happier and more content. If you are asking it means you care surely?!

I became a bit like this during lock down then continuing WFH. I was living in PJs, stopped wearing make up and doing my hair (a choppy flicked out bob). After a while I felt I looked awful and really dowdy. But I couldn’t be bothered doing back to my previous 45 minutes to get ready in the morning.

so I made changes which are sort of in between. I don’t wear eyeliner/mascara any more (unless out out) but I treated myself to a top end serum foundation. I grew the bob out and now tie my hair back in a ponytail (although might wear down if out). I bought some comfortable but nice looking jeggings and looser tops which again look nice, but don’t restrict my movements. Some comfortable Skechers for indoors (so out of my slippers). It only takes me about 5 minutes to get ready in the morning and I do feel better in myself. Comfy but not a bag lady!!

I beg to differ. I dress up for me.
I like dressing up.

If you don't want to take care of yourself then don't. It takes time, money, effort and will power so it's basically a chore.

But do people feel SO much better by putting the effort in? 1 million times yes yes yes. And you will feel it too if you try.

I honestly believe some people are really body confident and happy in their natural skin and are comfortable.

The more effort someone makes with their appearance..generally speaking...the more others notice/the more attention/compliments you might receive...the more this happens the more it boosts one's confidence...and then the more likely you might become to maintain said appearance...it's human nature and it's a cycle. Some might argue it's shallow/false but it's unavoidable.

I think you sound like you had a unique style before if you dressed vintage/retro and that is certainly an attractive and achievable look again, but it must come from your desire to get back into it.

If you're happy the way you are - don't change! But if you caught yourself in a mirror and were unrecognisable as you said...just go for it again!! You'd be astounded at the confidence and mood boost you'll get!!

I'm like you I think. Honestly I do care, a bit.. but it's just such a low priority at the moment. If I had a bit more time there are loads of things I'd do before making myself look a bit better.

Your skin and hair will thank you for not messing with it. If you are happy and comfortable with who you are then keep on being who you are 😊

I like putting make up on and doing my hair, wearing clothes I like etc. I also mooch about some days in my sweats with my hair looking like Marge simpsons. It’s not all or nothing!

i enjoy it and it doesn’t feel like a chore to me! I love love doing my nails. Fwiw I outsource nothing but my hair, so I guess that shows you I do actually genuinely enjoy it, rather than Doing it ‘for someone else’

i must admit though, I find people who don’t wear make up and do their hair moan and whinge about those who do wayyyy more than the other way around. In fact all my friends who do themselves up never say a peep about others not wearing it.

I don't wear makeup, I've never been a big makeup fan.
I wear bold colourful clothes I make.
Basically only wear crocs everywhere, including work.
I don't dye my hair.

I do however exercise, but it's for myself.

I am 73, retired, married and overweight. As long as I am clean, dressed and presentable that's good enough for me. I no longer need to impress, my DH and my DC and DGC love me and I am comfortable. I can still dress up if I go out but having spent many years of beautifying I love the ease of old age.