Does anyone else just not really care what they look like?

[WillsandKatesDivorcePartyDJ]

I suppose it started slowly.
I gave up wearing make up.
I gave up straightening my hair.
I gave up wearing nice shoes and went for comfort.
I stopped caring about what I wore. As long as it was clean and functional.
I brushed my teeth daily, but I now longer whitened. I stopped googling braces and getting a new crown.
I ran out of time to exercise.
I stopped caring about buying new clothes for holidays, it was bad for the planet and so on holiday there I was in my old fleece and my old jeans.
I decided to eat what I wanted.
But today I saw myself in a Superdrug mirror and oh my god, who the hell is that?
I'm 34. I look 64.
How do I get it back? It all seems such a faff now. Plus I have two kids, one house renovation, a full time job and four animals. Can I even get it back? And what for?

Define “caring what you look like”.

do I care what I look like? Yes I do.

however, for me, caring what I look like means I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I don’t wear make up, I dress comfortably, and I think I look fine without any of it.

*If you don't want to take care of yourself then don't. It takes time, money, effort and will power so it's basically a chore.

But do people feel SO much better by putting the effort in? 1 million times yes yes yes. And you will feel it too if you try*

I disagree. I exercise, I enjoy it. I eat reasonably well, I enjoy that too.

however I don’t feel better by “putting the effort in”. I like comfortable clothes, and feel restricted in “smart” clothes. My nails are short and unpolished, anything else and they annoy me and get in my way. Make up makes me feel self conscious, I am always worried it’s smudged, and it feels awful on my skin. My hair is healthy and clean, but I prefer it out my way.

in all I feel so much better without anything that’s seen as an “effort”. And I like that I can be ready in minutes and feel confident going out.

no reason you can’t love what you look like naturally, with no make up or hair, nails etc.

I've always tried to look 'together'. A pal once said she saw me as always smart, together and strong, and I suppose I've had to be. We had a major trauma a few years ago, and the only way I could get through it at the time was to be 'myself', so I got up every morning, did my hair, makeup and dressed smartly.

If I'd let myself, I'd have gone to the dogs.

I'm glad I didn't, it helped enormously (as did the counselling I had). But I was living a lie during that time, as I didn't let any of my friends in, I just got on with it myself. I wish I'd been more open now.

I like to take care of myself physically as in health but looks wise I don't care. I work in a very physical dirty job so we just wear jogging bottoms all week and no makeup. Apart from when I go out for the evening I don't bother to dress up or put makeup on. My hair tends to look good but it is naturally curly and I do take care of it. I stopped dyeing it though as I think it will be in better condition (greys are coming through thick and fast but that's ok with me).

I am the same, but only for the outside layer. I mean, no make up, no much care about clothes, no hair done, but I want to be healthy. So I exercise and want to do more of that, eat healthy and I dedicate hours to cook and eat well. I think it is very important that we invest more time in our fitness as we get older, especially women due to the menopause, which is approaching fast once you turn 40!

There are many things I don’t do that other people seem to consider necessary in order to look nice and feel good.
I wear makeup rarely, don’t do things like nails, eyebrows or tanning.
I don’t do the gym and eat mostly what I please within reason, I’m lucky I’m not prone to being overweight and my appetite is fairly self limiting.
I do take care of my teeth and make a bit of an effort with my hair and skin.
I do like my clothes to look nice and be flattering. I don’t spend a lot and I go for comfortable above other things most of the time. But I believe it is possible to be both fashionable, well dressed and comfortable.
I would think about which things actually matter to you and see what compromises you can find. Flat comfortable shoes can still look funky.
A good hair cut/colour can be made to last for months and months and require little effort and upkeep.
At 34 I’d be a bit sad that I’d given up on myself so soon.

I remember a time when glamour used to be for special occasions and going out out but now seems encouraged (for £'s no doubt) as an all day every day thing..

Jesus this thread is so bitchy. Women who wear make up don't spend time reading books 🤣

Thats literally not what I said though. I just said that's how I preferred to spend my time. I went on to say I did like jewellery and perfume. People can be offended if they like but they are misinterpreting

I don’t care too much anymore. Makeup is minimal and only on work days. I cut my own hair when it gets straggly and I’m still wearing clothes I bought 15 years ago. My husband seems to still fancy me and I feel free. I have found that if you take care of your skin a bit, you don’t really need make up. I use Aldi’s own brand of rose oil daily and that is it! I personally love the lack of effort! I have more time for sleeping in late. But do whatever makes you happy. You don’t have to go the whole hog, find your middle ground that you’re happy with

I dont think it has to be one or the other,

I rarely wear make up, the nicest clothes I have are to wear to the office, at home I live in jeans.

However, I do like getting dressed up, wearing make up for things, whether that is going out to the pub or a slap up meal with DP. I think I am like a 6 year old trying on their mum's high heels for the first time.

I have been known to dye my hair, fun colours.

Other times I can go weeks without putting on make up, really nice clothes, etc.

The only things I do do is exercise and eat well regularly. I also shave my legs and do my eyebrows (not sure if that counts in your list)

I didn't stop caring completely, but took my eye off the ball.

Now I'm a lot older I regret not having taken care of my health (food/weight) and my skin.

I saw some photos of myself over Christmas and felt crap.

I'm now on a strict diet. Not to please anyone else but to please myself!

I can relate to this a lot over the past six months after a difficult year. Put on a stone in weight, stopped shaving my body hair, just throwing on the nearest thing to me. Hair straighteners became almost an alien mystery to me.

I'm starting to come out of it slightly now, and I think for me it's been related to a period of low mental health. Not suggesting that's the case for you of course. Today I shaved my legs for the first time in around 4 months, and last week I took the step to tackle my psoriasis flare by seeking medical help. I'm hoping that these small steps of self care can help me get back to my usual self! I'm not suggesting that my self worth or esteem is dictated by what I see in the mirror, but putting my best foot forward and recognizing the woman reflected back at me as 'me' definitely helps me to put my best foot forward. Noone else would probably notice these minor 'improvements' but I do, and that's the main thing for me!

Wishing you well on your self care journey OP, whatever that consists of for you 😊

@SweetSakura I get you. I think time is the main thing. On weekday mornings I wake up at 6, 8 on then weekends, and if I like to wake up, have a coffee, do a bit of Duolingo, read the news, before all the hullabaloo of lunchboxes, kids eating breakfast, dressing, getting bikes out etc. If I did hair and make up then I would have less time to do those nice things. And if I woke up at 5.30 then none of those things would be nice

I'm very much a fan of natural, but I take real care of myself, especially now as I'm getting older. Took it for granted when I was young. It makes me feel good about myself and is a reflection of caring about myself and respecting my body and face. (This is just my personal feeling) even if it just to feel nice and fresh in my comfy leggings and baggy tshirt. . I look after my skin and my weight. Those two things are so important for me.

Exactly! In a busy life how we spend those pockets of time is so precious.

This is so sad 💔

I promise you it's not the case - not everyone, the majority, are not stunningly beautiful - but everyone can look well, with some effort.

Please don't denigrate yourself like this - I'm sorry you were bullied & your parents were awful but you could absolutely invest in yourself still.

No I know that @SweetSakura but there's a few comments gently comparing looks and intellect, as if women can only be one thing.

Actually just saw another post from someone who apparently feels sorry for women who care about their appearance. Which is just bitchy bullshit.

I work in the most male environment imaginable and manage a team of guys. I'm sure none of them give a shiny shit about how I look but it matters to me, makes me feel in control and prepared, to do my make up and choose my clothes carefully in the morning. I enjoy it, and nobody needs to feel sorry for me.

Pretty sure getting Botox didn't negate my degree and my career.

I went out for a night out in December and was absolutely gobsmacked that none of the (younger, cooler) people there were wearing heels. I bought a new pair especially because I didn’t want to be the only one NOT wearing heels.

I think there has been a bit of a shift in attitudes as to what “looking good” is. I’m only in my early to mid thirties, but I feel like a lot of those “how to spot a millennial” things are spot on! I’d say that actually, the younger generation (mid twenties down) dress more for comfort and instead focus on wellbeing - makeup is there to make you look healthy rather than to hide flaws. Clothes are there to make you feel good, not look good.

The younger generation are also a lot more into more sustainable fashion than our generation is.

I get it. I wasn’t particularly attractive until I was maybe 15ish, which is when I started making an effort with my appearance. I remember thinking that anything over a size 12 was ridiculous and why would you do that?

20 year old me would be horrified to see me now. I’ve put on 4 stone in the last 13 years (two kids) I’ve stopped dying my hair, I only shave my legs when I need to, I’ve got two pair of jeans, four pairs of leggings, three jumpers, four r shirts and then workwear (I do need to “dress smart” for work)

I do enjoy getting dressed up every now and then though. I get my nails done once every 6 weeks. I throw “nicer” makeup on every so often, wear a nice dress etc.

I don't give a flying fuck what I look like and never have done.
Clothes are chosen for comfort/warmth - same for shoes.
I can "scrub up nicely" when I have to for musical performances - the rest of the time I don't bother.

However, what is important to me is that I stay healthy - so that means a decent diet and a fair bit of exercise. I'm a long-distance hiker so I need to keep up the fitness for that all year round.

If you do want to improve something I would look first at doing some more exercise, then improving your diet a bit. And maybe a nicer fleece, jeans and shoes if you have the money and can be bothered.
The rest of it can get to fuck

I agree with pp- if I look after the diet and exercise my clothes fit and feel better, and that makes me feel good more than anything else. That I’m itself makes a massive difference to how positive I feel.

It is of course up to everyone to make their own individual choices about what they prioritise & how they spend their time.

But there's an undercurrent through a lot of the posts that 'older' women don't 'need' to care or make an effort. I don't know what qualifies as 'older' but I will always care how I look, about the clothes I wear, and my overall appearance. It's for me, but it's also about how I look to other people. I do care, and I've no problem with that.

Being older doesn't mean you 'need' to care less about your appearance. It's fine if it does, by choice, but it's not linked with aging.

I do stuff because it feels good to me
So exfoliating my skin and using body lotion means I don't feel itchy and my skin looks better
Face skincare because it stops my acne and I feel awful with acne
Paint my toenails because I like the look of them
Makeup not all the time but I enjoy doing it
Exercise for mental health and heart/lung fitness

I don’t know how well off you are but could you have a 1 day investment make over in yourself and see how you feel afterwards?

so book the teeth whitening (or do it at home if that’s what you used to do.

go to the hairdressers for a cut and colour

go and get a fake tan (if that’s your thing)

get gel fingers and toes in a colour you feel suits you.

take a before and after picture and decide which you like?

you can’t lose weight overnight but you can do a lot in a day looks wise if you want to. If you look in the mirror and think wow I look out together and I like it, keep it up. If you think, well that was a waste of a day then return to normal habits! 😁

I’ve got to say though I wear flats and nice trainers lift an outfit, as do well fitting clothes that at least match. That can still be a fleece, jeans etc but a small bit of effort can make a big difference…..if you want it to

I genuinely don't care what I look like BUT I don't want my kids to be too embarrassed by me so I do make sure I'm wearing clean clothes for the school run, my hair is brushed and I don't actually look like a bag lady. But i gave up shaving my legs and armpits ages ago, I keep my nails short and tidy, I wear comfortable shoes and supermarket clothes and I'm happier than I've ever been.

You have completely got the wrong end of the stick. No one has said anything like this.

Some people prioritise grooming much more than others and that’s totally fine. There’s no judgement that I can see directed at women who like dressing up and makeup. I’m

It is however definitely true that quite a lot of the the impetus towards making yourself look as good as possible is driven by the need to appeal to male desire and appreciation.

Dressing well and being well groomed are by no means always driven by this but it is a factor and it has been behind some of the most narcissistic and problematic things that people do in the name of “self improvement”. And a lot of women get to a point in their lives where they feel this is no longer important. I still like good clothes, I place a lot of importance on my hair looking good and usually wear makeup as it all just makes me feel more put together and confident. But I no longer do so in order to make myself more appealing to men.