To feel disgusting without makeup?

[PandaFox]

I realise this may sound a little dramatic, however, it would be nice to know if anyone else feels the same and what you have done to overcome it.

I wear makeup 365 days per year.
I will not leave the house without it on.
I've worn it since I was 15 and I am now 35.
I try to avoid my DH seeing me without makeup as much as possible.
I have thought about situations like a house fire/ if we had to evacuate in the middle of the night and all I can think about is the fear of being seen without makeup on. Which I know is utterly ridiculous.
I wear makeup when I'm at home alone (concealer, foundation, powder, blusher, mascara, and eyeliner).
I don't feel "myself" or "fully awake" without it. Similar to having a shower in the morning. It's just something I NEED to do.

Now that I'm mid thirties and TTC, I really don't want to have to worry about this anymore. And one day if I have a daughter I absolutely never want her to feel the way I do.

Makes me wonder just how bad some people's makeup skills are. Smearing gunge? Is that what you're doing? No wonder you don't like the results.

I weaned myself off makeup by having days at home without it on and standing in front of the mirror and looking very carefully at my face. I pulled different facial expressions to and looked at different angles. I also told myself out loud "I am beautiful".
I noticed I felt a lot of anxiety to begin with. It got easier. Now I am fine.

Try and think out your thoughts. If you look ugly...so what? Why is that bad? Plenty of ugly looking people are happy. have kids. Are respected. Occupy top jobs. So what happens if you are ugly? Get to the root of it and challenge it.

Like many things the only way out is through. You need to stop wearing it and see if your biggest fears happen.

I haven’t read whole thread but think others have said - this is absolutely deeper than just wearing make up and all about self esteem. Have you had psychotherapy before or would you consider it?

This is not about how you look, but about how you feel. See if you can get help with that, via counselling.

I think you should try going cold turkey OP! Spend that 45 minutes babying your skin and hair and you will look completely fresh and gorgeous.

I stopped during the pandemic and now I wear so much less and not every day. I actually feel gross if I put on foundation/concealer now because I just want to be nice to my skin!

@MissTrip82 - Could not agree more!

I don't think the OP is "enjoying doing" this.

She has actually posted that she is worried about a fire because she would need to spend 45 minutes staring at herself in a mirror and dabbing (for those who didn't like smearing) colourful splodges here and there on herself before she could leave the burning building just in case someone looked at her.

I don't think it's a tired old narrative to mock that level of daftness.

I was like this, except I had worn make-up since I was 14, and for a large majority of that time had been full-on goth.

I hated the way I looked without make-up, it just
didn't look like 'me', and I thought I looked like a sick hamster.

Then I got older, and also I suppose healed a lot of the self-hatred I had going on.

Like @PinkArt I began to test things out - not wearing make-up at home first. Then when I was used to that, going out for a walk without it. Then to the local shops. I now can go to a bar or pizza place without make-up even - and no-one cares!

So I suppose I gradually built up the amount of time I saw myself without make-up - and now I feel like this is my face. I look ok.

I now find that when I do put make-up on, I feel a bit like I'm in drag - it looks way to much. Yet in photos it's really very minimal

It truly is just about what you get used to seeing - but you have to make the dive into seeing yourself without make-up a lot before it becomes the norm. I'm not certain slowly cutting down the amount of make-up you wear would do the trick.

You're so right. I am intrigued by multi coloured gunge though! Do you think they sell it in Boots?

Go to primark, they do a great dupe of the expensive tanning drops for £3

I would have eyelash extensions and brow micro blading as well as a facial every few weeks trust me it makes a huge difference to how you look. I used to always wear makeup until I had my second child that needed hospital treatment 4x week. I started getting lashes and brows and it was a game changer for me x

Also look on YouTube for 10 mins makeup routines using tinted moisturisers - I personally love nars brand- apply using damp beauty blender. I think if you tone down the make up gradually you’ll get used ti a more natural look

Hi , I know this is an old post but thought I’d add a message as I went through exactly the same thing as you (still not completely over it). I couldn’t leave the house without makeup on and hated the way I looked without makeup. I tried to hide my ‘true face’ from all my partners as much as possible and would avoid any situation where someone might see me without makeup on. It was awful and controlled my life to such an extent I ended up having therapy to try to get over it. Have you looked up Body Dismorphic Disorder? Not trying to label, but it might be useful to look into as many of our shared behaviours seem to be symptomatic of this disorder.

I have overcome this to some extent with therapy and having children. I had twins and the pure survival mode of the early days, and necessity of putting their needs first, meant I simply couldn’t carry on living like that. It was hard at first but got easier with time. I still feel ugly without makeup and don’t like looking at myself in the mirror, but I continue to go out without it anyway. I’ve got to a point where I don’t care what strangers think (as I’ll probably never see them again), or friends/family etc (as they love me for who I am). I still struggle with some people I feel vulnerable around - the makeup acts as a kind of protective mask for me, but it’s the last and final step that I have to overcome.

About the birth thing - trust me, you won’t think about it in the moment as the process takes over you and is incredibly primal. I was stark naked for most of it and didn’t even think twice about it (with all of my issues lol)! Something stuck after that and although I still struggle with my looks, I’m more comfortable in and have a greater respect for my body in general and what it’s been through (birth, breastfeeding etc). I think it has helped me to value myself beyond my looks - as a woman, a mother and my unique self (sorry if that sounds cheesy).

I don’t know if that helped in any way but thought I’d respond as your experience sounds so similar to mine. There is a way out, but you have to learn to love yourself for who you are beyond your looks and be brave in putting yourself in situations that will make you feel deeply uncomfortable at first. Baby steps, but it does get easier with practice and when you realise most people don’t place as much importance on your looks as you do.

Do you know what op, you don't have to not wear it. Do what makes you happy and feels good.

Oops yeah sorry if I was projecting there…I guess that’s just how it was for me and what helped me to feel better.