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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Prostitute says she does wives a favour!

123 replies

Dinodigger · 27/01/2023 21:15

She controversially admits that while many have partners, she believes she's actually doing their marriages a favour.

AIBU to think that actually no, you aren't doing anyone a favour and are actually helping to destroying families?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 28/01/2023 10:54

If you're a prostitute, you've probably got enough shit to deal with without wondering if the men paying to shag you are coupled up or not....so I don't judge prostitutes for having sex with married men. I judge the men

drivingavanbacknorth · 28/01/2023 11:00

Crikey, I'm in better nick that her and I'm well over fifty!

Dinodigger · 28/01/2023 11:14

I don't think we should insult her appearance, that isn't the point. I think she looks nice in her photos. And really I don't blame her for married men going to her. I just think a bit crass to boast about it and say you are doing marriages a favour. She isn't. Marriages will end because of SW, even though it is the husband fault. Pretending she is actually helping wives is disingenuous.

OP posts:
drivingavanbacknorth · 28/01/2023 11:18

Dinodigger · 28/01/2023 11:14

I don't think we should insult her appearance, that isn't the point. I think she looks nice in her photos. And really I don't blame her for married men going to her. I just think a bit crass to boast about it and say you are doing marriages a favour. She isn't. Marriages will end because of SW, even though it is the husband fault. Pretending she is actually helping wives is disingenuous.

I'm not insulting her appearance. I'm not saying she looks bad, just that I'm in better nick than she is!

DNBU · 28/01/2023 11:27

The fault lies entirely with the cheating partner.

ConcordeOoter · 28/01/2023 14:48

I think people are focused on blaming who they don't like.She's probably thinking of the best case scenario from her perspective, too if she's considering her choices a good thing which we all like to. Just like a person who has married someone and has every intention of neglecting the marriage probably doesn't like to think of themselves as having lied their way into getting a lifelong commitment from someone.Or a person who uses a prostitute to get the missing component from their neglected marriage, perhaps persuading themselves that if there is no emotional connection it is just the sex their partner doesn't want. doesn't like to think of themselves as a dirty, treacherous user of women who has just every future gesture of affection, every conversation, every "IThe love you" into a lie that separates them from their family.The truth is there can be blame all round in a situation like this, life is complicated.

ConcordeOoter · 28/01/2023 14:49

The web editor ate my spaces :(

Rsoleseverywhere · 28/01/2023 16:19

Badbudgeter · 28/01/2023 10:15

I think if your going to talk about it to a national newspaper of course you’ll say you love sex. It maintains the fantasy for men. I don’t really like sex / don’t fancy you / am only here for the money isn’t going to help them get their rocks off.

It maintains the happy hooker image but do you really imagine anyone is super thrilled to be sucking under washed cocks for a living. There was a AMA on here a few months back and the woman concerned said a good 80% of punters had hygiene issues. 🤢

This, she must need the ego boost from thinking strange married men want to fuck her orifices. She's taking a health/personal safety risk all because she loves sex. The reviews for prostitutes on Punters are horrific. Reading them destroys any faith in men, whether married or not. Grim. Prostitutes choosing this life on their own free will must surely must have mh issues, former abuse.

Coyoacan · 28/01/2023 16:23

Pyewhacket

Whao, you are so naive. The vast majority of the women in the sex industry are either trafficked, victims of CSA and/or drug addicts. Happy hookers are a myth

ReneBumsWombats · 28/01/2023 16:29

When humans are the commodity, the buyer is always responsible.

ReneBumsWombats · 28/01/2023 16:41

Dinodigger · 28/01/2023 09:06

OK I get maybe it isn't a prostitute's fault that a husband goes to her... but does she have to sounds so smug and self-righteous about it? Feels very unfeminsist to not only take money and have sex with our husbands but to say she is doing us a favour on top of it! Or maybe she is just trying to convince herself that it is a more glamorous service than just selling her body to old men.

does she have to sounds so smug and self-righteous about it?

I expect whatever her clients have to say would be far more offensive. Certainly what they're doing - buying a human - is more offensive.

I'm so, so sick of women being blamed for men's shittiness. It's exhausting.

ConcordeOoter · 28/01/2023 16:49

Reading them destroys any faith in men, whether married or not

It shouldn't. Sharing an immutable characteristic with someone definitely doesn't mean you share their guilt, let alone their weird disgusting outlook.

Fairislefandango · 28/01/2023 16:54

Of course she's not doing wives a favour, but your anger is misdirected imo. Nobody's forcing husbands to use prostitutes. It's the husband's responsibility not to cheat on his wife!

dogdaydown · 28/01/2023 17:12

drivingavanbacknorth · 28/01/2023 11:00

Crikey, I'm in better nick that her and I'm well over fifty!

You've probably had a much easier life, how do you think you'd look if you went into prostitution?

maddy68 · 28/01/2023 17:17

Yes they probably are if it keeps a marriage together happily.

Different strokes for different folks.

No judgement from me

chipndip · 28/01/2023 17:25

The journalist has clearly cherry picked his interviewee to show a very specific side to sex work - she's an independent sex worker who also creates content. This in itself is a nebulous term that basically means she sells photographs and videos too, alongside making herself sexually available for a fee.

Is the interviewee gloaty? No, I don't think she is, but some are projecting this onto her. Additionally, the article itself is advertising, so of course the escort/content creator/whatever it is she calls herself is going to talk about how much she loves sex etc. It is an inconvenient truth that not all women who enter into sex work are forced, neither are they addicts, nor do they work on the streets.

I do think she has a point though, one only has to look at the many threads on here about women who don't enjoy sex/hate having sex with their partners and are no longer sexually intimate in their marriages and expect their partners to be happy about this. I will even go as far as to say that I certain that many of her married clients would have said that their wives no longer have sex with them and they didn't want to risk an affair. I am not saying this to justify sex work, but it is something that cannot be ignored.

Is paid for transactional sex worse than an affair? No, I don't think it is per se, but only if the man can be sure his paid for sexual partner hasn't been coerced, forced, pimped, trafficked etc. And for me, this is the only issue at play here - many men simply don't care about the woman, they're only interested in price and sexual services offered. But, that's a whole other topic.

Ultimately though, it's the man who is looking for sex - the buck stops with him.

LauraNicolaides · 28/01/2023 18:23

Marriages will end because of SW

If they've reached that point then they would have ended anyway.

There certainly are women who don't want sex with their husband, but want to stay married to him. If he's going to look elsewhere then the marriage is much more likely to survive a transactional relationship with another woman than an emotional one.

Dinodigger · 28/01/2023 20:01

Do you really think the only husbands who go to prostitutes are ones in a sexless marriages?

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 28/01/2023 20:10

Dinodigger · 28/01/2023 20:01

Do you really think the only husbands who go to prostitutes are ones in a sexless marriages?

No, but they're all shitty people who are solely responsible for crapping on their families and commoditising human beings.

Rosiefifi · 28/01/2023 20:17

Dinodigger · 28/01/2023 20:01

Do you really think the only husbands who go to prostitutes are ones in a sexless marriages?

No but husbands should stop searching online and booking them. Prostitutes mostly don't work on street corners anymore, they operate mostly online and by phone they do not seek out customers , customers contact them. Husbands would have to go looking specifically for them to get the contact details which means he was already thinking about cheating and it's not a spur of the moment thing. It's a deliberate calculated act of searching, contacting, arranging a time then going through with it.

Suzi888 · 28/01/2023 20:20

Yeah she’s right. Because if her your dirt bag of a DH isn’t shagging your best mate, neighbour, work colleague, pof user (who is probably looking for a relationship) or someone from the pub 😂.

I think this thread is called misplaced anger.

HotPotInASpot · 28/01/2023 21:41

Suzi888 · 28/01/2023 20:20

Yeah she’s right. Because if her your dirt bag of a DH isn’t shagging your best mate, neighbour, work colleague, pof user (who is probably looking for a relationship) or someone from the pub 😂.

I think this thread is called misplaced anger.

This, 100%. Even when making a pretence at defending the prostitute OP can’t resist the little digs. I don’t believe any woman who truly understands why women get into, and often stay for years in, prostitution would be as obviously spiteful as OP is.

Pyewhacket · 28/01/2023 23:12

Coyoacan · 28/01/2023 16:23

Pyewhacket

Whao, you are so naive. The vast majority of the women in the sex industry are either trafficked, victims of CSA and/or drug addicts. Happy hookers are a myth

The naivety is on your part.

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