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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boy breaks grandmother's arm by accident

807 replies

Nimbostratus100 · 27/01/2023 16:41

I am not going to say what happened next and what I think until I have heard a few objective opinions on here

The facts of the case

12 year old boy in sports club, leaving the main entrance on his skateboard, which he has been told is not allowed in the building, knocks over the grandmother coming to collect another child. The grandmother has a broken arm and needed an operation

This is a fairly elite sports club, you need to be able to play to a certain standard to by allowed to join. This boy has played there for a year. No serious trouble, several minor reprimands. Reasonably good player. Turns up for the team probably 80-90% of the time.

This happened last weekend. The sports club is meeting tomorrow. The parents have just heard that this boy has/has not been expelled and will/will not be there.

What do you think should happen? why?

I am allocating the voting by a toss of a coin to be random!

YABU - the boy should be expelled
YANBU - the boy should not be expelled

also, what else should happen, as well as/ instead of being expelled?

Thank you

OP posts:
HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 27/01/2023 17:23

LastOfTheChristmasWine · 27/01/2023 16:47

There are a variety of punishments that could be meted out that are less than expulsion.

For example

  • suspension
  • additional chores within the sports club
  • writing a letter of apology to the woman in question
  • permanent confiscation of his skateboard by his parents (assuming this isn't the GB Olympic skateboarding squad he's a member of)
  • having his pocket money docked and given to the woman in question to cover some help with cleaning / gardening / anything else she can't currently do due to the arm.

He deserves some punishment but if he'd done it to me I wouldn't want him expelled from the sports club altogether.

This seems appropriate.
I would add that he should deliver the letter personally to apologise and offer to do any “odd jobs”. Could he mow her lawn or something?

WestBridgewater · 27/01/2023 17:23

Notjusta · 27/01/2023 17:08

IF you get caught drunk driving there is a punishment. If you a drunk driving and hurt someone the punishment is more severe.

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As someone who has worked in traffic prosecutions for many years, if a drunk driver caused a broken bone I can say with absolute confidence that the collision would be effectively trumped by the drink driving offence. It’s extremely rare for there to be any other driving offences prosecuted. But the circumstances would be provided to the court.

Newmum0322 · 27/01/2023 17:23

If he was using the skateboard in a prohibited area and had previously been told not to use the skateboard and he did it anyway (this is how I’m reading it) then yes he should be punished. The consequences of what he did are significant. It was an ‘accident’ but only because he ignored the rules that are enforced for safety reasons.

If you’re driving your car whilst on the phone and knock down a pedestrian… it’s an ‘accident’ but no one would argue the need for punishment (extreme scenario and not suggesting equivalency)!

I would vote for expulsion. At least for the rest of the season.

DarkForces · 27/01/2023 17:24

Kangarude · 27/01/2023 17:22

I'm sorry to hear that @ClaraThePigeon It sounds awful for you Flowers
I have broken a wrist before (a good few years ago) and luckily, haven't had any problem with it since. I suppose my point was that not every grandmother is a frail, old person.

Well no of course not, but generally grandparents of 13 year olds are 65+ and stats are clear. It's not personal

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/01/2023 17:25

It was an avoidable accident and one that could result in the club being sued for many thousands. What choice do they have that doesn't involve appearing to approve of his behaviour?

NormasJeans · 27/01/2023 17:25

If i was the parent of the young man, I would remove him from the club out of respect for the lady and the other parents who feel strongly. I would then guide him to learn from his actions and help him have a fresh start with a new club.

saraclara · 27/01/2023 17:26

Is he going to be doing jobs for the person he injured? The sort of things that she can't do with a broken arm?

I think this kind of outcome is probably the best for someone of his age, if the woman is amenable.

BurntOutGirl · 27/01/2023 17:26

CrocodileShoooooesCrocodileShoes · 27/01/2023 17:13

He should be expelled.

He broke a rule which resulted in serious consequences for the lady who now has a broken arm.

He is old enough to know not to skateboard indoors, and he is old enough to understand that breaking rules will negatively impact his life

It sounds like he has a bit of an attitude problem anyway, and doesn't think rules apply to him (arguing with the ref) so skateboarding indoors is an extention of that attitude imo.

Tough lesson to learn though.

I agree. He'd already been told not to do it.

If he hadn't, then a lesser punishment would suffice

ancientgran · 27/01/2023 17:26

Nimbostratus100 · 27/01/2023 17:21

No, not my son, a boy I have been involved with as a volunteer in different young people's activities, for some years. Basically a good boy. No malice in him. A bit impulsive at times. I've always had high hopes for him.

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Do you think letting him get away with this is a positive? What is that teaching him?

My sympathy is with the actual victim.

Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 27/01/2023 17:26

mbosnz · 27/01/2023 17:23

I'm a bit surprised about how strongly other parents at the club seem to feel about this. How many other incidents have occurred with this young chap, and he's been given a chance? Is it once chance too many as far as they are concerned? Or do they feel there's one rule for this kid, and all the rules for the rest of them?

I am surprised too.

I do wonder if it is about seeing their boys in direct competition with this boy, for various club honours, etc. He is not the absolute top, but certainly above average, even for the club.

I dont think he is any sort of trouble maker. ( some of his family certainly are - but they dont come to the club)

Of course it might just be the case that one or two loud mouths on the parents whats app groups are claiming to speak for more people, but actually are not

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 27/01/2023 17:27

He didn't intend to knock someone over. But he ignored the rules that were put in place to stop this kind of thing happening.

Imo that's not really an accident. It had been very much forseen.

He should be expelled.

Cileymyrus · 27/01/2023 17:27

Johnnysgirl · 27/01/2023 17:20

You think the kid had a criminal record because he wasn't supported and nurtured by his sports club?
You actually think they should have paid for sessions with a psychologist?? 🤯

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No. Elite sports often the psychologist is free. It was with this club.

i am saying the cycle of kicking out was pointless, and a meeting to explain and set standards would have been more productive.

what are you suggesting? That a sports club for young people should kick them out and not offer any support or try and find solutions for troubled kids? MH is a big thing in sport and clubs should be able to signpost help.

mathanxiety · 27/01/2023 17:27

Leaving the main entrance on a skateboard?

Told not to use the skateboard in the building?

Yes, he needs to be expelled.

The grandmother should sue the club for allowing the skateboard on the premises and then failing to ensure the minor didn't use it.

None of the information about how long the kid has played or whether he turns up for practices or games is relevant.

picklemewalnuts · 27/01/2023 17:28

I'd say it was extremely costly mistake and he should be appropriately disciplined.

There are costs to the NHS, to the woman's employer as well as to the woman herself.

I'd not be campaigning for exclusion but neither would I be arguing against.

The boy can join a different club, it's not like there's only one sports club available to keep him motivated and engaged.

CoffeeThisInstant · 27/01/2023 17:28

I'm thinking about the impact on the grandmother. I'm a grandmother and in full time employment - if I was involved in an incident like this I would be eligible for Statutory Sick Pay only. The impact on my life would be huge, especially if the break wasn't straight forward and I needed to have a lot of time off work. I'm afraid flowers and chocolates wouldn't cut it.

mbosnz · 27/01/2023 17:28

Sports can very much be a force for good, but they are still a privilege, not a right. And not a rehabilitation centre (necessarily, depending on the sports club). Is this child aware that he is privileged in being in this club, and are his parents? Are they aware that so many have been excluded for so much less? Why are they special?

Johnnysgirl · 27/01/2023 17:29

Op, does your club run to free psychological support for the players?

WestBridgewater · 27/01/2023 17:29

ancientgran · 27/01/2023 17:08

If you were there picking up your nephew you'd be referred to as an aunt, or picking up your own child you'd be a mother. This lady happened to be a grandmother picking up her grandchild.

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But she shouldn’t be defined by her relationship with a child. He collided with a 60-70 year old woman. I’m sure she’s accomplished more in her life than having a child that had a child.

Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 27/01/2023 17:31

Johnnysgirl · 27/01/2023 17:29

Op, does your club run to free psychological support for the players?

not directly, whether we can indirectly I dont know - possibly

OP posts:
RealBecca · 27/01/2023 17:31

Not expelled. He could have been just as irresponsible without being part of the club. If shes unhappy she can sue.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 27/01/2023 17:31

Nimbostratus100 · 27/01/2023 16:48

He was in the building, in the entrance hall

So... why did the staff not say something then?

AWaferThinMint · 27/01/2023 17:32

For a child who has done something like this I'd be looking to restorative justice. Assuming the woman who was hurt will accept it, I'd want to see him spending some free time doing things to help make her life easier. Let him see the impact of his actions.

If it happens again then a different response

I'm with you OP. It was a stupid thing to do with a serious outcome. Helping him learn from this if it's a first offence would be much better than ostracising him.

Johnnysgirl · 27/01/2023 17:32

WestBridgewater · 27/01/2023 17:29

But she shouldn’t be defined by her relationship with a child. He collided with a 60-70 year old woman. I’m sure she’s accomplished more in her life than having a child that had a child.

Show quote history

She's not defined by her relationship with the child, ffs!
Op was explaining how and why she happened to be in the vicinity of the front door 🙄. Collecting her grandchild 🤷🏻‍♀️

Spottypaperdoll · 27/01/2023 17:34

I have read all your comments OP but slipped some of the other posts.
I can only relate this to my experience and I was involved in a sport at a semi professional level (I was getting paid to play but still doing my A-levels) and it was very highly disciplined. I trained at Lilleshall and we were given a uniform to wear when we were coming in for match days and could only go in the club wearing certain clothes, it was all a bit ridiculous and posh for me and my family 😂
Anyway, a kid who was a very promising footballer, looking at getting picked for England under 18s, was spotted smoking a joint and he was expelled. I felt so sorry for him at the time, I couldn’t particularly see how it was any worse than his teammates getting drunk and falling out of the club on student night. I always felt it was such a severe punishment to please the other parents.
I don’t think in your case expulsion would have been fair, but he has injured someone and he should be punished for that.

Yeahrightthen · 27/01/2023 17:34

I think it takes a village to raise a child and to expel him would be grossly unfortunate and tbh quite a disgusting action on the part of the club OR the parents who try to force it.

He is 12 FFS!! Why not show him some kindness by giving him another chance and allowing him to prove he will learn from his mistake?

He sounds like he is a generally good kid who made a mistake. What would the “elite club” be teaching him by banishing him forever for one mistake?

I hope the lady who has the broken arm comes to his defence - IMO any decent person with even a smidgen of kindness in them would.

What about being a good Christian? Or just having a heart?