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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boy breaks grandmother's arm by accident

807 replies

Nimbostratus100 · 27/01/2023 16:41

I am not going to say what happened next and what I think until I have heard a few objective opinions on here

The facts of the case

12 year old boy in sports club, leaving the main entrance on his skateboard, which he has been told is not allowed in the building, knocks over the grandmother coming to collect another child. The grandmother has a broken arm and needed an operation

This is a fairly elite sports club, you need to be able to play to a certain standard to by allowed to join. This boy has played there for a year. No serious trouble, several minor reprimands. Reasonably good player. Turns up for the team probably 80-90% of the time.

This happened last weekend. The sports club is meeting tomorrow. The parents have just heard that this boy has/has not been expelled and will/will not be there.

What do you think should happen? why?

I am allocating the voting by a toss of a coin to be random!

YABU - the boy should be expelled
YANBU - the boy should not be expelled

also, what else should happen, as well as/ instead of being expelled?

Thank you

OP posts:
Notjusta · 27/01/2023 17:07

NerrSnerr · 27/01/2023 17:00

Ok so he was told that day not to skateboard. I think he should have a fixed term exclusion for 3 months or so.

Has he apologised?

I think this is a good middle ground.

LIZS · 27/01/2023 17:07

There are different rules at play. Is skateboarding banned while on the premises whether a player or not? Does that form part of a general behaviour policy signed up to by members? If he has not broken membership rules surely he cannot be expelled. Had he previously been warned?

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 27/01/2023 17:07

He argues with the refs, has poor attendance, shows no respect for authority- why would an elite sport want to keep him. He's a liability

ancientgran · 27/01/2023 17:08

WestBridgewater · 27/01/2023 17:06

Does the ‘grandmother’ get asked what she thinks should happen to the boy? Grandmother is irrelevant, could be 30s-90s. I’m 51 but not a grandmother how would you have referred to me if he had knocked me down?

If you were there picking up your nephew you'd be referred to as an aunt, or picking up your own child you'd be a mother. This lady happened to be a grandmother picking up her grandchild.

mallardducks · 27/01/2023 17:08

F

Notjusta · 27/01/2023 17:08

MrKlaw · 27/01/2023 17:06

and so the punishment should be based on the skateboarding where you're not allowed to - not for the end result

Show quote history

IF you get caught drunk driving there is a punishment. If you a drunk driving and hurt someone the punishment is more severe.

pocketvenuss · 27/01/2023 17:08

@MrKlaw and so the punishment should be based on the skateboarding where you're not allowed to - not for the end result
Death by dangerous driving carries a far greater penalty than simply dangerous driving. If course he should be sanctioned for injuring someone. That's why the no skateboard rule was there. He ignored it. The accident was preventable. It was his fault.

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 27/01/2023 17:09

He was skateboarding indoors, which is obviously unacceptable. He's old enought to know not to do it. He'd been specifically told not to.

I think his (and his parents') reactions would influence my decision.

If he was horrified and guilty and wanting to make amends a short suspension would be appropriate, and obviously an apology.

If he was defensive or arsey, he's be out on his ear.

Dragonsandcats · 27/01/2023 17:09

I think a fixed term suspension, not an expulsion.

SnarkyBag · 27/01/2023 17:10

FriedEggChocolate · 27/01/2023 17:01

@SnarkyBag but "he hit her hard enough to break her arm" sounds like there was great impact which, with underlying conditions, there may not have been. It's just that the end result was the arm being broken.

Yes, he still skateboarded, yes, he still lost control of it.

Sorry I don’t really get what you’re trying to argue.

Luana1 · 27/01/2023 17:11

He should be suspended for maybe a month but not expelled. If it was on purpose then expulsion would be fine, but it was an accident. 12 year olds still don't have the best impulse control and it was an unfortunate series of events that led to the collision.

ancientgran · 27/01/2023 17:11

MrKlaw · 27/01/2023 17:06

and so the punishment should be based on the skateboarding where you're not allowed to - not for the end result

Show quote history

So the boyracer doing 80 in a 30 mph zone loses his licence for x amount of time. The boyracer doing 80 in a 30 mph zone kills an innocent pedestrian and gets the same punishment. Really, if the pedestrian was your loved one would you think that was appropriate.

GiraffeLaSophie · 27/01/2023 17:11

Nimbostratus100 · 27/01/2023 16:57

To answer some questions:

He arrived and left the club alone, he was told no skateboarding in the building when he arrived on it.

How sorry he was, I dont know, he was taken away immediately by a club official

He was sort of scooting, one foot on, one foot off

Previous reprimands have been for arguing with the referee, nothing off the pitch.

If it is customary to expel people for poor behaviour/bringing the club into disrepute then yes, I think this is absolutely worthy of expulsion. If nobody has ever been expelled before then it might be slight overkill, but to be honest if it was my elderly relative who had been seriously injured I would still probably be pushing for it.

It was an accident, but it was an accident in the same way that breaking a vase because you’re throwing a ball around inside the house would be. No, you didn’t mean to break the vase but it wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t being careless and doing something that you know you shouldn’t do.

Mannymoomin · 27/01/2023 17:11

I wouldn’t at all be surprised if the police become involved tbh, a break is quite a significant injury, even accidental - especially to a pensioner

Kangarude · 27/01/2023 17:12

DarkForces · 27/01/2023 16:52

A broken bone is a killer in older people and the chances of the lady returning to her previous independence and function is very low. The club need to make sure it's taken seriously. I hope there's insurance in place to pay for the care she'll need

I'm a grandmother and I'm 100% certain that I would return to my 'previous independence and function' I'm 58 Hmm

I accept that there needs to be consequence but I wouldn't want the boy expelling from the club

mbosnz · 27/01/2023 17:12

I would want to hear him argue why he should not be expelled, given that he has been warned, and that at 12 years old, skateboarding in a forbidden place can definitely foreseeably end up hurting someone. I'd be saying that as the grandmother, too.

Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 27/01/2023 17:13

wow, you are posting so fast I cant get to the end before adding mine

Here is the current situation

He has been punished - the punishment is not common knowledge, so I wont write it here

He has not been expelled

There is a certain number of parents who are not happy, and are intending to protest, boycott tomorrow

My personal feeling is that is is right that he shouldn't be expelled for a stupid childish act when he didn't mean to harm anyone. But I seem to be in the minority out of the adults associated with this club.

Yes, I think he is a basically good hearted boy, who has the potential to go off the rails without direction in his life, and I am very much in favour of keeping him engaged with his sport

OP posts:
saraclara · 27/01/2023 17:13

Sugarfree23 · 27/01/2023 16:49

It's an accident, even if you say he was doing something he was told not to, he still didn't intend to hurt her.

Expelling him seems stupidly inappropriate.

There are accidents and accidents. He must have been being extremely careless to knock over someone who was presumably walking slowly.

SnarkyBag · 27/01/2023 17:13

LIZS · 27/01/2023 17:07

There are different rules at play. Is skateboarding banned while on the premises whether a player or not? Does that form part of a general behaviour policy signed up to by members? If he has not broken membership rules surely he cannot be expelled. Had he previously been warned?

Does everything have to be specified in a signed policy before it can be acted upon? So bizarre that people think there can only be consequences if they can’t get out of it on a technicality

CrocodileShoooooesCrocodileShoes · 27/01/2023 17:13

He should be expelled.

He broke a rule which resulted in serious consequences for the lady who now has a broken arm.

He is old enough to know not to skateboard indoors, and he is old enough to understand that breaking rules will negatively impact his life

It sounds like he has a bit of an attitude problem anyway, and doesn't think rules apply to him (arguing with the ref) so skateboarding indoors is an extention of that attitude imo.

Tough lesson to learn though.

Nixynic · 27/01/2023 17:14

Personally I think his reaction afterwards would make me decide how it should be dealt with.

If he was mortified, very apologetic, tried to help the lady he knocked over etc, then followed up by writing her a letter and sending a bunch of flowers………. Then I would think a final warning would be appropriate.

If he did none of the above then I would be more inclined to vote for expulsion.

WestBridgewater · 27/01/2023 17:14

ancientgran · 27/01/2023 17:01

That could excuse so many things, the boy racer doing 80 mph in a 30 zone, he didn't intend to mow down the woman crossing the road, the drunk driver who caused a pile up didn't intend to do it. They broke the rules and should take their punishment as should this 12 year old.

Show quote history

No, they broke the law, the 12 yo broke the rules The examples given are imprisonable, last time I checked a child accidentally knocking down a pedestrian resulting in a serious injury doesn’t carry a custodial sentence.

roarfeckingroarr · 27/01/2023 17:14

He absolutely shouldn't be expelled. It was an accident - a careless one that shouldn't have happened, but an accident.

He should write a letter of apology and buy some flowers / chocolates for the woman he hurt.

ancientgran · 27/01/2023 17:14

Nimbostratus100 · 27/01/2023 17:13

wow, you are posting so fast I cant get to the end before adding mine

Here is the current situation

He has been punished - the punishment is not common knowledge, so I wont write it here

He has not been expelled

There is a certain number of parents who are not happy, and are intending to protest, boycott tomorrow

My personal feeling is that is is right that he shouldn't be expelled for a stupid childish act when he didn't mean to harm anyone. But I seem to be in the minority out of the adults associated with this club.

Yes, I think he is a basically good hearted boy, who has the potential to go off the rails without direction in his life, and I am very much in favour of keeping him engaged with his sport

Oh well if he's good hearted what's a broken arm and surgery.

OhmygodDont · 27/01/2023 17:15

I mean if that many parents feel that strongly it sounds like this boy had had plenty of little incidents and gets away with them.

Id kick him out based on adding every issue together this one then being the straw that broke the camels back. He clearly isn’t learning his lesson or really caring about the rules.