Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boy breaks grandmother's arm by accident

807 replies

Nimbostratus100 · 27/01/2023 16:41

I am not going to say what happened next and what I think until I have heard a few objective opinions on here

The facts of the case

12 year old boy in sports club, leaving the main entrance on his skateboard, which he has been told is not allowed in the building, knocks over the grandmother coming to collect another child. The grandmother has a broken arm and needed an operation

This is a fairly elite sports club, you need to be able to play to a certain standard to by allowed to join. This boy has played there for a year. No serious trouble, several minor reprimands. Reasonably good player. Turns up for the team probably 80-90% of the time.

This happened last weekend. The sports club is meeting tomorrow. The parents have just heard that this boy has/has not been expelled and will/will not be there.

What do you think should happen? why?

I am allocating the voting by a toss of a coin to be random!

YABU - the boy should be expelled
YANBU - the boy should not be expelled

also, what else should happen, as well as/ instead of being expelled?

Thank you

OP posts:
thestealthwee · 27/01/2023 19:35

Are you one of these that think children can do no wrong @Nimbostratus100?? Because all you've talked about is the boy and how he shouldn't be expelled and nothing of the lady who was injured - what recompense will she receive for her injury? What if she has lost earnings through time off whilst she heals or she has to have long term medical treatment- is the Club paying for her to receive private treatment if they keep the jumped up little so and so on the books. All I've read is elite this elite that and it really sounds like that has taken precedence over the actions of someone at 12 who should know better

JenniferBarkley · 27/01/2023 19:37

Skateboarding, inside, having been told not to, at the age of 12? Definitely grounds for a severe punishment. I'd go through my 4 year old if she scooted in a shop.

JudgeJ · 27/01/2023 19:38

Cileymyrus · 27/01/2023 16:46

Was he in the building or outside it leaving? It’s not clear.

he’s 12. I wouldn’t be kicking him out. Written warning with expulsion if he’s caught again.

possibly a skateboard ban for him anywhere on the grounds.

He'd been told not to use it, he obviously thinks he's too elite to follow the rules.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/01/2023 19:39

BlueBellIris · 27/01/2023 19:25

@Lovelysausagedogscrumpy what are you talking about? You think if the police had been called to his matter they would have said it was a criminal offence? What offence would that have been?

The poster was talking about being "responsible" for a car accident. People get injured in car accidents all the time. Technically another driver will be "responsible", but all that happens is their insurer pays out for those personal injuries.

There is a difference between injuring someone criminally (like dangerous driving), when you will be punished by the police, and what happened here which would be considered a civil matter at most.

If you read the post properly you’ll see what I’m talking about and I’m certainly not suggesting that this was a police matter. I was simply pointing out that the argument that a motorist causing a similar incident in a car would be a civil matter didn’t stand up, because if it was as result of careless or dangerous driving there would be criminal charges.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 27/01/2023 19:41

I don’t think he should be expelled. Children are often unable to properly distinguish between “this rule exists because it has a small chance of causing harm but really it’s because the activity is annoying” and “this rule exists because the activity is actually dangerous”. Hopefully he’s learned an important lesson.

The parents I’m not surprised by, given the boy has a troublesome family. It is astounding how many parents don’t want their DC hanging round with a perfectly normal child just because the other child is from a dodgy family. I’d bet good money that this is just an excuse to get him away from their perfect DC.

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2023 19:43

Iv read your updates and feel even more strongly he should not be expelled or banned
12 year olds can do stupid crap. Even more so the ones that don't have a loving supportive family around them. Impulsively can be an issue and they don't nessarily think of consequences.
Shocked parents are boycotting. I'd seriously be considering their memberships

WhatsitWiggle · 27/01/2023 19:45

IMO this was reckless, bordering on negligent, not an accident. He has been told not to use the skateboard indoors, it's not a huge leap for a 12 year old to make to realise that's because it could be dangerous to other people. Skateboarding near the entrance is obviously a poor choice of location due to number of people coming in and out.

He has had minor reprimands in the past, this would be the final straw.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/01/2023 19:45

SnackSizeRaisin · 27/01/2023 19:25

Would you apply that same logic to someone who had been caught speeding, attended a speed awareness course, then got caught again? Should they get a lifetime driving ban? In reality they would only get a sixty pound fine and 3 meaningless points. There are more than 11,000 people still allowed to drive in the UK despite having 12 points. If you "accidentally" kill someone with a car you don't get a ban of more than a few months. Why should a skateboarding 12 year old get a more severe punishment than an adult who's reoffended several times?

Show quote history

Well it would depend on whether they had injured a pedestrian after attending that speed awareness course wouldn’t it ? The punishment should reflect the seriousness of what he did and the injury to the lady in question. It should also serve to teach him that actions have consequences and rules are there for a reason and he can’t pick and choose which ones he wants to obey and which ones he doesn’t.

Summerfun54321 · 27/01/2023 19:46

If this had happened in a school, wouldn't everyone expect the school to sort it out. The parents wouldn't gang up on the child surely.

Florenz · 27/01/2023 19:47

No, it shouldn't matter if he hits anybody. Why did it take an elderly woman being knocked down and her arm broken before anyone actually did anything about him skateboarding in the centre?

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/01/2023 19:47

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2023 19:43

Iv read your updates and feel even more strongly he should not be expelled or banned
12 year olds can do stupid crap. Even more so the ones that don't have a loving supportive family around them. Impulsively can be an issue and they don't nessarily think of consequences.
Shocked parents are boycotting. I'd seriously be considering their memberships

So you wouldn’t consider him being expelled for what he did, but you’d be quite happy to silence the other parents by threatening their memberships if they protest ? God almighty !!

Florenz · 27/01/2023 19:50

12 years olds do stupid crap when there doesn't appear to be any consequences to their actions.

Willyoujustbequiet · 27/01/2023 19:50

What about the victim?

She's still working so a broken arm will be a huge loss of independence, being unable to drive and a potential impact on her job and family who may rely on her. Why should she be out of pocket?

Potentially quite a large personal injury claim.

LadyEloise1 · 27/01/2023 19:53

I don't think he should be expelled but certainly told that actions have consequences - he was told not to skate. He did and now an older lady is in pain, inconvenenced, and the pain could continue for years - arthritis in an injury.
Has he apologised?

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 27/01/2023 19:53

Flamingogirl08 · 27/01/2023 16:45

It was an accident of course he shouldn't be expelled

How is using a skateboard inside an accident when he's already been told no??

WheelofLife · 27/01/2023 19:56

Expelled, skateboard confiscated, pocket money sent to the injured woman.

He deliberately disobeyed a safety rule. He needs to learn that there are consequences

Zosime · 27/01/2023 20:00

Children are often unable to properly distinguish between “this rule exists because...

'This rule exists' should be sufficient. Children (and indeed adults) don't get to pick and choose which rules they think are important enough to keep.

SeatonCarew · 27/01/2023 20:00

WinterFoxes · 27/01/2023 17:44

yes there is. He's been told not to skateboard in a building. He's 12 - way above the age of reason (legally set at 10 years in UK). He skateboards iin the building despite being told not to, which is arrogant. As a result, an eldelry woman has a broken arm. A break in old age can be serious. Can take longer to heal, can lead to infection.

I'd suspend him for a few months, get him to pay a fine for breaking the rules if he wants to be readmitted to the club and get him to write a letter of apology.

If we don't want to raise the kind of entitled brats who currently run the country then we have to teach them at an impressionable age that they can't do whatever they want and expect no consequences.

I'm quite surprised how many people think it was just an accident. He'd been specifically told not to do something and did it anyway.

Show quote history

👏

If this young man is never checked, he will grow up to be one of the awful shits we encounter all the time here on the relationships forum. He has reached the age of criminal responsibility and he has to start owning the consequences of his actions. it sounds like he's been testing the boundaries for a while, and nobody has been setting any. Being kind does not always mean indulging behaviour, OP, quite the opposite, and it sounds like his family aren't going to be any help in this going forwards.

It strikes me this is a seminal moment for him to be brought to account. The kindest thing anyone who cared about him could do for him now is to teach him actions have consequences. Life won't indulge him, he acted irresponsibly despite having been warned, and he needs to get it.

LemonSwan · 27/01/2023 20:06

I think the harshest punishment would be to actually send him to apologise in person to the grandmother. She probably looks like she’s been hit by a bus but he’s only 12 bless him. That could scar him for life - and I say that as a 30 something who has seen post op elderly from working in a care home. It really hits them hard and even though I expect it I still am taken aback.

Personally it’s probably the parents who should face a greater punishment. They shouldn’t be allowing a 12 yo to bowl round an elite club on a skate board.

ClaraThePigeon · 27/01/2023 20:08

@Kangarude Thanks for the flowers.Smile I understand what you were trying to say and you're right. I just wanted to make people aware that sometimes, even in young people, a seemingly relatively minor injury, can prove to be anything but. Thankfully most people are luckier than I was but it isn't that uncommon
I'm glad that you healed without complications and I hope that the same is true of the unfortunate woman mentioned in the OP.

HinnyHoway · 27/01/2023 20:08

Florenz · 27/01/2023 19:47

No, it shouldn't matter if he hits anybody. Why did it take an elderly woman being knocked down and her arm broken before anyone actually did anything about him skateboarding in the centre?

Sounds like was skating out of the centre. And having worked in a leisure centre, that people used as a cut through, if anything went on like this, we would say “no skateboarding” and they would be out the door by the time we’d even finished the word skateboarding. We couldn’t have bouncers on the doors stopping the little shits, nor did we have the right to physically remove property from people. I’m stumped at what have actually be done when the boy was leaving the building.

SeatonCarew · 27/01/2023 20:09

PS I forgot to add, he was warned when he went in, and still did it on the way out, with serious consequences for an innocent bystander. You are not doing him any favours OP by trying to shield him. If you so choose you could mentor anf encourage him outside this situation, but here he needs to feel some pushback. He needs to respect basic rules about behaviour, he needs to get they are usually there for a reason. He is not a child, he's nearly a teenager. He's getting bigger and he needs to learn to stop throwing his weight around. He can hurt people.

jtaeapa · 27/01/2023 20:11

It’s not exactly an accident. He was explicitly told not to skateboard inside. He ignored that and basically fucked this woman up. An operation, physio, lost earnings, inability to help with her grandchild, can’t drive, difficultly wiping her own arse, difficulty cooking, cleaning, pain etc. And she won’t be healing quickly given her age.

do people think that when a drunk driver runs someone over that it was just an accident? No, they don’t, they think that the drunk driver shouldn’t have driven.

I would think a suspension would be appropriate. For a few weeks. For breaking the club’s rules which he had explicitly been informed of, and hurting someone as a consequence.

tillytown · 27/01/2023 20:15

He won't learn that actions have consequences if he never has to face any consequences, you are setting him for failure by not taking this seriously OP. Stopping him from coming to the centre/club for two weeks won't hurt him, but it will teach him to behave better when there.

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2023 20:17

People seem to be missing the fact that this kids family isn't exactly great. So they want to take away possibily the one and only good influence in his life that could make a difference.

Yes he shouldn't have skateboarded out but can anyone on here who has raised teens can say their teen has thoughtlessly done something they specifically havnt been told to do?

He should apologise in person to lady and makes amendeds. Banning him and other parents piling on demanding bans is wrong.