Boy breaks grandmother's arm by accident

[Nimbostratus100]

I am not going to say what happened next and what I think until I have heard a few objective opinions on here

The facts of the case

12 year old boy in sports club, leaving the main entrance on his skateboard, which he has been told is not allowed in the building, knocks over the grandmother coming to collect another child. The grandmother has a broken arm and needed an operation

This is a fairly elite sports club, you need to be able to play to a certain standard to by allowed to join. This boy has played there for a year. No serious trouble, several minor reprimands. Reasonably good player. Turns up for the team probably 80-90% of the time.

This happened last weekend. The sports club is meeting tomorrow. The parents have just heard that this boy has/has not been expelled and will/will not be there.

What do you think should happen? why?

I am allocating the voting by a toss of a coin to be random!

YABU - the boy should be expelled
YANBU - the boy should not be expelled

also, what else should happen, as well as/ instead of being expelled?

Thank you

That doesn't say he was reprimanded for skateboarding in the building. It says he turned up on the skateboard and was reminded that he couldn't ride on it in the building. If the club had any sense, they would have taken the skateboard off him.

Shouldn't have been on the skateboard inside.

Some of these replies are incredibly harsh. Do you not have a 12yr olds? Were you never 12yrs old yourselves? 12yr olds do all sorts of silly things and are learning the boundaries of authority all over again as their independence increases.

So, this kid does something silly and impulsive that's in line with things most 12yr olds do and you're all calling for a pretty extreme punishment.

Sure, this time it ended about as badly as it could with someone sustaining a nasty injury but would you all be calling for him to be expelled if he hadn't hit anyone?

Reprimands for arguing with the referee are not relevant. That happens in sport. Nor is level of play.

since there was no ongoing behavioral issue, it is hard to see this as more than a one time incident of a 12yo being a 12yo, not listening and ending up with bigger consequences than they realized possible. I would expect most of the punishment to be coming from the parents. Given the positive value of having an activity for a teen, expulsion for a single episode does seem harsh.

Wow some of the comments on here - I waiting for posters calling for public flogging to be reintroduced...

He's 12. He did something stupid, but not criminal (for those saying akin to driving offences, if the police had been called to this incident they would have said it was a civil matter).

I am sure he feels bad. Everyone in this club knows about this so he's already been publicly embarrassed.

What purpose does expulsion serve? "Sends out the message if you do something wrong you'll be out", but what sort of "wrong" will that equate to:

• What happens when a kids running a bit fast and knocks over someone - will they be expelled?
• What about if that's during the sport itself?
• What level of injury is going to be the threshold? Broken bone out - sprain suspension?

A suspension is more than adequate - possibly suspended for good behaviour (no minor reprimands for the next 6 months).

Then it's up to the parents how to discipline this child.

The club will be insured and if the lady wants to bring a compensation claim she can (although she may struggle to prove the club was negligent, I think a lot of judges would say this was an accident).

An accident he caused by doing something he shouldn't be doing, that he knew he shouldn't be doing.

Accident doesn't mean you're not responsible. You and I may be in a car accidemt, but if it happened because I was driving my car where I shouldn't, and I knew it, wouldn't I be responsible for that accident?

This.

Bloody hell, he's 12 and was thoughtless, not malicious, and I can imagine he feels bloody awful, as he should. He'll have learned a harsh lesson already. I'm actually astounded that a bunch of parents are going to stage a protest to bully the child out of the club.

A short suspension, grounded for a short time at home and a sincere letter of apology would be enough here.

Then we don't necessarily differ about the sanction. I was responding to a poster who wanted him to be permanently expelled.

If he had been told that he would be expelled from the team for using his skateboard in or around the entrance to the building then fine. But I highly doubt this is what was said. A reminder not to use the skateboard is more likely, which is why to jump straight to permanent expulsion is way OTT imo.

What is expelling him going to achieve???

Keeping others at the group safe from someone who's repeatedly chosen ("previous reprimands") not to do as he's told, to the point where someone's now been seriously injured?

It's noticeable that OP's said nothing about the lad's reaction at the time, whether he stopped to help the injured lady, etc.. I'm assuming nothing, but given her preference for him to remain in the group I'd have expected that to be included if it happened

How can you be so sure? At your age, you will either have gone through/will be going through/about to go through the menopause, this might have affected your bone density, ( osteoporosis possibly ) have you had your bone density measured? If so and all was good, that's great but a bad break could still cause you problems in the future.
As it is, where the situation this thread is about is concerned, we don't even know the exact injury to the arm, only that it's broken, well which bone? How many breaks, just the one, or a number of fractures? What did the surgery entail precisely, has the bone been wired, for instance?

Yes but it doesn't mean you'd automatically be banned from driving

It wasn't intentional and it was unlucky that the grandmother got so hurt. I think he should be punished but not expelled, perhaps with the threat of future expulsion if caught skateboarding inside again (as that suggests he didn't learn anything from the incident)

If you want to play sport at an elite level you abide by their rules and the fact that your actions outside of the actual sport can and will also get you punished by the sport.

There is a certain level of behaviour and expectations on your behaviour and conduct when playing at a higher level. The club ultimately has its reputation to protect and its other members and guests.

As the parents concerned ought to know, the club would be skating on very thin ice if it responded to pressure from them. It has to be seen to be capable of making its own decisions in accordance with all the facts, which after all the parents won't be fully aware of. If it's seen to bow down to pressure, it will keep happening and the club will lose control. What happens if they organise a boycott because they don't approve of team selection or some kid being sent off by the ref?

I think the notion that competitive parents may have ulterior motives should be moved to the back burner in view of the fact that an elderly lady has been injured severely enough to warrant surgery. The boy’s punishment should reflect the seriousness of what he did, and be enough to make him understand that he put other people at risk by ignoring the warning and using his skateboard inside after he’d been told not to. It needs to be reinforced that actions have consequences and that rules are there for a reason. There may well be ulterior motives to the actions of other parents, but this shouldn’t be used to minimise what he actually did.

responsible means an appropriate consequence though, not overkill. I think @Ponderingwindow has nailed it....and its one of the resons we don't allow 12 yo's to drive cars. I do think though that there is a lot of irrelevant detail in the OP that is obscuring the facts....I mean should the penalty be less if the boy had bounced off a 17 stone rugby player?

His reaction would be best described as shocked, but he was actually whisked off by club officials into the office immediately, as in within seconds, so he didn't really have any time to respond beyond that. I haven't had any contact with him personally this week, so again, I cant really say. I hear he has accepted his punishment. I hope I will see him tomorrow

I cant say too much about his family, incase anyone reading this recognises the situation and the boy. They dont attend or support him

Previous reprimands have been in relation to minor issues on the pitch. I suspect most of the members of the team have attracted minor reprimands, they're teenage boys, after all. There is no suggestion that that he has chosen to disobey outside that context, whether repeatedly or at all.

@TheBigWangTheory you cause a car accident, you might be held responsible, but in most cases that just means your insurer pays out the othersides damage.

Doctors make mistakes (clinical negligence), many professionals do, they are accidents caused by their mistakes with civil consequences (insurers pay out), but we don't say they are suspended/lose their jobs/get criminal records.

Fair enough if your driving is criminally wrong (dangerous driving), but most accidents, even if your fault, will be considered a civil matter.

What happens when a kids running a bit fast and knocks over someone - will they be expelled?

If he's running somewhere he's been told not to run, possibly, depending on the potential consequences.

Well he didn’t learn anything from the warning not to skateboard inside the building the first time he did it, so it’s unfortunate that his lack of respect for the rules resulted in someone getting badly hurt. Not sure whether that counts as not intentional.

I think it's one of those situations where objectively it's easy to say he should be forgiven etc but if you know the grandma personally and she's a nice person and the injury has caused her serious problems then it would be easy to think it was a stupid accident that never should have happened what on earth was he doing skateboarding when he'd been told not to .

However....if he gets excluded this might be really bad for him long term and seems disproportionate. Whereas if he makes reparations to the woman that might have more of a positive effect for both in the longer term

Maybe it was my own troubled upbringing that meant I missed out on certain education such as English means I know how important it is for their to be consequences for actions regardless of the background because just letting children get away with more and more because issues or an or else they might end up even worse doesn’t always help.

Sometimes we need punishments that actually hit our favourite thing rather than pandering too because or else.