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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boy breaks grandmother's arm by accident

807 replies

Nimbostratus100 · 27/01/2023 16:41

I am not going to say what happened next and what I think until I have heard a few objective opinions on here

The facts of the case

12 year old boy in sports club, leaving the main entrance on his skateboard, which he has been told is not allowed in the building, knocks over the grandmother coming to collect another child. The grandmother has a broken arm and needed an operation

This is a fairly elite sports club, you need to be able to play to a certain standard to by allowed to join. This boy has played there for a year. No serious trouble, several minor reprimands. Reasonably good player. Turns up for the team probably 80-90% of the time.

This happened last weekend. The sports club is meeting tomorrow. The parents have just heard that this boy has/has not been expelled and will/will not be there.

What do you think should happen? why?

I am allocating the voting by a toss of a coin to be random!

YABU - the boy should be expelled
YANBU - the boy should not be expelled

also, what else should happen, as well as/ instead of being expelled?

Thank you

OP posts:
Patineur · 27/01/2023 18:36

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 27/01/2023 17:48

Oh is this allowed then? I didn’t realise you could skate inside a building, injure someone and then it all be ok if you’re a nice boy/bit sorry. Gosh he must be suffering terribly from the guilt eh? Bet the lady with the broken arm will be over the moon with an apology. Its great that you can just say it’s an “accident”. After all, it wasn’t his fault was it … oh, hang on 🤔

Obviously it isn't allowed. Did you miss the bit where OP said the club had punished the boy?

PriamFarrl · 27/01/2023 18:36

lieselotte · 27/01/2023 18:29

My mum is in her 80s and can outpace most people Grin

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My mum is 70 and runs 7 miles a day. She’s not a grandmother though.m, so who knows how we would know how to feel about her if she broke an arm.

HashtagShitShop · 27/01/2023 18:37

The boy should not be expelled, he has learnt a hugely graphic lesson about consequences. He should in my opinion make a face to face heartfelt apology and give up his half term to help the lady who is in pain and has restricted ability to use her arm doing jobs for her

Johnnysgirl · 27/01/2023 18:37

OhmygodDont · 27/01/2023 18:35

Well done. I’ll give you a slow hand clap for that.

The important things are how somebody write or types clearly not how they behave.

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Jesus, Patineur there are rules and rules Confused. Bit below the belt.

Asurvivor · 27/01/2023 18:37

I voted YANBU from your first post OP, but with the latest posts am beginning to change my mind.

I think you are downplaying the seriousness of the accident because you are fond of the kid - a broken arm for an older person is a big deal, it may not ever heal properly as for younger person and being knocked over like that may lead to a loss of confidence / fear of future falls.

I think that is why parents are reacting - and not because of any competitiveness towards him compared to their own children. You don’t do him any favours by dismissing their concerns.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/01/2023 18:38

Patineur · 27/01/2023 18:31

Why would he learn that a rule doesn't apply to him if he's been punished for breaking the rule?

Some of the posts on here are quite disturbing in the way they demonise children.

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FFS !! No one is demonising children. If a child is reckless (and skateboarding inside a building was recklessness) and seriously injures someone to the point where they need surgery after ignoring warnings about his behaviour, what do you think should happen ? Do we pat him on the head and say ‘run along son, we know you didn’t mean it’. Or do we find a punishment that teaches him that actions have consequences, and that goes for him as well as his victim. What I find disturbing is the amount of support for the child at the expense of the victim.

NameChange005 · 27/01/2023 18:39

bossyrossy · 27/01/2023 18:28

Referring to the woman as a grandmother is relevant as it shows that she is of mature years and possibly elderly. Broken bones when you are old can be very serious and even fatal in some cases. The boy should be made to understand the seriousness of his actions, made to apologise to the woman and given a six month suspension from the club.

I know someone who became a grandmother at 39....
Although that is on the very young end of Grandmother spectrum, admittedly! (I'm only pointing this out to say that it's a bit irrelevant, as she could have been 40 or 80 and we can't assume that this person was frail)

OhmygodDont · 27/01/2023 18:39

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/01/2023 18:38

FFS !! No one is demonising children. If a child is reckless (and skateboarding inside a building was recklessness) and seriously injures someone to the point where they need surgery after ignoring warnings about his behaviour, what do you think should happen ? Do we pat him on the head and say ‘run along son, we know you didn’t mean it’. Or do we find a punishment that teaches him that actions have consequences, and that goes for him as well as his victim. What I find disturbing is the amount of support for the child at the expense of the victim.

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She cares more about bad grammar punctuation and incorrect usage of words than a women being actually hurt so I wouldn’t expect her to care for the actual injured women.

Maybe she has one of those children.

saraclara · 27/01/2023 18:39

lieselotte · 27/01/2023 18:29

My mum is in her 80s and can outpace most people Grin

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As I'm of the same estimated age as the victim, and a fast walker, I was not referring to her age when I said she was probably walking slowly, but to the fact that she was entering a building. Most of us don't rush and take someone on a skateboard by surprise in that circumstance

nocoolnamesleft · 27/01/2023 18:40

I'd suspend him for the length of time it takes his victim to regain full use of her arm.

Patineur · 27/01/2023 18:41

PriamFarrl · 27/01/2023 18:08

He was skateboarding inside, which he had been many times not to do.

If a 12 year old was kicking a football around the living room and broke the tv would that be just written off as an accident?

Not sure that he was told many times? Though I would accept that being told once should be enough. That said, I do think the club should just have taken the skateboard off him as soon as he went into the building.

OhmygodDont · 27/01/2023 18:42

Have you ever tried taking a personal possession off a troubled child who belongs to one of those families. Good luck.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 27/01/2023 18:44

Lockheart · 27/01/2023 16:45

I've never heard of anyone being expelled from anywhere for an accident.

The use of grandmother is irrelevant, unless she's his grandmother.

He shouldn't have had the skateboard but that's a separate thing to the accident. He should be reprimanded for having the skateboard, not punished for the accident.

It's an accident he directly caused by disobeying the rules. It's not like he slipped and accidentally knocked the woman over. He knocked her over because he was doing something dangerous, that he had been told not to do. If he had hit a small child, the injuries could have been much more serious than a broken arm. And he's lucky that the woman did not break a hip, which carries a high mortality rate.

Having said that, I think expulsion is harsh, unless the previous misdemeanours were serious. Suspension for 3 months would be more reasonable.

Patineur · 27/01/2023 18:47

TrashyPanda · 27/01/2023 18:21

I hope the lady who has the broken arm comes to his defence - IMO any decent person with even a smidgen of kindness in them would

wait a minute.
she was knocked over because the boy decided to ignore what he had been told that day

she suffered a serious injury and had to have an operation. It’s a fair bet she was in a lot of pain and may still be in pain if she had to have plates and pins put in.

her recovery time will be a minimum of 6 weeks. She might need physio too. She won’t be able to drive or do many everyday tasks

so it has a significant physical impact on her life. It might also give her a fear of being knocked over again, so that she is scared of crowded places

she might only get SSP and suffer financial hardship.

but you think she should be standing up for the brat who decided he wanted to be in his skateboard and nothing else mattered? He made a deliberate decision to get on the skateboard and a deliberate decision to ignore warnings.

strange you aren’t advocating for kindness to be shown to the victim too, maybe by the club recompensing her financially for herb pain and suffering and (if appropriate) for loss of earnings. Because that’s the decent thing to do.

Not at all strange that the person quoted, or indeed anyone else, isn't addressing the issue of the response to the victim given that that is not the question raised in this thread.

Really, some people on MN take their desperation to attack others to fairly ridiculous lengths.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/01/2023 18:47

DanceMonkey19 · 27/01/2023 18:30

I think there should definitely be a consequence, but expulsion is OTT. A suspension plus some other punishment would be appropriate I would think, with it being made clear that any repeat would result in expulsion.

But this is a repeat. He’s been warned and chose to ignore the warning. Whichever way you look at this there are no mitigating circumstances. He ignored the warning and hurt someone. If he was warned previously that any repeat would result in expulsion, then that’s what should happen. Otherwise you’re teaching the child that he can do anything he likes because the adults won’t follow through.

autienotnaughty · 27/01/2023 18:49

I've not read all the comments but based on the initial post expulsion for an accident is unreasonable. A warning to child and parents and ban skateboards on premises (including grounds).

Justmeandthedog1 · 27/01/2023 18:50

I wouldn’t expel him.
it was a accident but an avoidable one, he’d been told not to ride his skateboard for a reason.
Suspension for a month.
Didn’t “offenders” in sport used to be made to clean the other players boots?
Clean the changing rooms for a month.
Something that makes him remember why he was punished.

Patineur · 27/01/2023 18:51

Kennykenkencat · 27/01/2023 18:23

If your child is given the opportunity to belong to somewhere that you can only get in because of a certain skill then they must realise that they aren’t unique and take for granted the opportunity.

Those in charge are waiting for someone to give them a reason to get rid and then they can replace with an equally talented youngsters who would love to be a part of the club and who will follow the rules and will attend 100% of the time.

i imagine this boy is just a liability no matter what his talent and has taken this opportunity for granted. I imagine his parents can’t even contemplate that there Ds could be kicked out and lose his place.
If they did he wouldn’t have had a skateboard there in the first place.

It doesn't sound to me as if he is "just a liability" if he has only had minor reprimands on the field and none off it. I suspect there are very few teenagers in sports clubs who don't attract reprimands, it's almost the nature of being a teenage boy.

Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 27/01/2023 18:51

I dont want to say which sport. NO more than averagely dangerous for a sport, for the PP that was asking

OP posts:
Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/01/2023 18:52

Patineur · 27/01/2023 18:47

Not at all strange that the person quoted, or indeed anyone else, isn't addressing the issue of the response to the victim given that that is not the question raised in this thread.

Really, some people on MN take their desperation to attack others to fairly ridiculous lengths.

Show quote history

Well, no - if you look at the original post the OP did ask what else she thought should happen, so it’s logical that the victim and the consequences to her should be considered. And no, I don’t think it’s up to the lady who was injured to come to his defence. She’s possibly facing serious consequences as a result of his thoughtlessness, so why would she ?

BadNomad · 27/01/2023 18:53

It wasn't an accident, though. He didn't stumble, drop his skateboard, land on it then bang into someone. That would have been an accident. What he did was blatantly disregard the rules which then resulted in someone getting injured. His intentional actions caused this.

OhmygodDont · 27/01/2023 18:53

On the pitch with a ref so I’m guessing football/rugby or such sport.

Patineur · 27/01/2023 18:53

Johnnysgirl · 27/01/2023 18:24

You think his punishment should be a ban from skateboarding in the grounds, when he's already ignored a ban from skating in the building?
🤦‍♀️

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If it's accompanied by a clear warning that if he's seen for so much as a second on a skateboard within the grounds he will be out for good, I don't see why that wouldn't be an effective element of the punishment.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/01/2023 18:54

autienotnaughty · 27/01/2023 18:49

I've not read all the comments but based on the initial post expulsion for an accident is unreasonable. A warning to child and parents and ban skateboards on premises (including grounds).

Not an accident. He had already been warned not to do it, and ignored the warning in favour of doing exactly what he wanted to do and sod the consequences. That’s not an accident, it’s reckless and selfish.

MrsAvocet · 27/01/2023 18:54

It was an accident in so far as it wasn't intentional, but it was almost certainly avoidable. The child in question was at fault and has had previous warnings so there should definitely be significant consequences.
He is however, a child. Old enough to know better, maybe, but probably too young to write off.
I agree that sport can be a very significant force for good for youngsters from all kinds of backgrounds, which is why I devote a significant amount of my time to coaching and other voluntary roles within youth sport. I have seen kids from difficult backgrounds flourish thanks to the personal development they get through sport. It can be very difficult to deal with troublesome (and troubled) kids and of course it isn't transformative for them all, but for some it really is. A late teenage boy at one of the clubs I belong to recently said to me "If it wasn't for this sport, and this club for giving me a chance I'd be sat in my room playing computer games and smoking weed or be out selling drugs by now. I know I can be a pain in the arse but I am grateful, honest." Not a lad I personally coached so I can't take any credit but it really made me think that it is worth persevering with the "difficult" kids.
Suspension would be reasonable I think, or even better, something positive including possibly some kind of practical reparations to the victim if she was amenable. But a lifetime ban at this age would probably be too much in my opinion though the boy's reaction to what has happened and willingness to make ammends would be a factor too.

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