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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT rent a property to DH's childhood best friend

123 replies

teomama · 27/01/2023 16:15

I will start by saying I honestly dislike the said BF. He is shallow, materialistic, and mainly talks about money and things. He's a next door neighbour of my DH and they've grown up together, their mums being good friends. Now we're in the fortunate position where we're able to rent out DH's bachelor pad. This is a place he owns, we do not own jointly, hence I realise my husband has the final say. The BF has asked if he could rent the flat from us, as he wants to live with his partner, and his studio is too small for two.
The bachelor pad is our first joint home together with my DH, I love the place and have taken great care in decorating and maintaining it well. I'd like the place to be rented to people I like and believe will treat it with care and love. I don't like the thought of someone I strongly dislike staying there. Should I make this clear to my DH?

YANBU - Yes, you should be involved in picking up the tenants
YABU - This is your DH's flat and he gets to say who rents it

OP posts:
TootHole · 27/01/2023 16:20

YABU.
It is not your flat.

You just don't want your husbands best friend there, that's all there is to it.

Sucessinthenewyear · 27/01/2023 16:20

I think you need to realise it isn’t your home anymore. It’s a financial investment. But I wouldn’t rent to a friend, it could get messy if he isn’t a good tenant and DH could lose his friend.

LookingOldTheseDays · 27/01/2023 16:24

You're renting it out, so the fact that you used to live there is irrelevant. It's an investment now, not your home.

And it belongs to your DH. He can rent to whoever he likes.

ShakespearesBlister · 27/01/2023 16:24

I think as a rental property you need to detach yourself emotionally. It doesn't matter who lives in it, it would be their home while they are renting it regardless of your personal attachment to it. Treat it as a business. If he causes any damage then you'll have a deposit to account for that.

BritishDesiGirl · 27/01/2023 16:25

It will be a business arrangement and nothing to do with personal feelings.

You sound judgemental and looking for excuses as to why you don't think your DH should rent to his friend.

On the flip side renting to friends and family is a big no no for me as it can be too complicated. Maybe this is a lesson your DH needs to learn for himself

WaddleAway · 27/01/2023 16:26

Do you think he won’t pay his rent? Will trash the place? If so, then you’re entitled to voice your concerns. If it’s just that you don’t like him, YABVU.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 27/01/2023 16:27

Sucessinthenewyear · 27/01/2023 16:20

I think you need to realise it isn’t your home anymore. It’s a financial investment. But I wouldn’t rent to a friend, it could get messy if he isn’t a good tenant and DH could lose his friend.

Yes this. It’s not really yours to decide however I do agree that renting to a friend sounds like a disaster waiting to happen

KirstenBlest · 27/01/2023 16:27

Don't rent to friends or family. If they cross boundaries it will be messy.

SnackSizeRaisin · 27/01/2023 16:31

Yabu because when you rent a place out you need to distance yourself, it's their home and not yours. No tenant will look after it the way you would. You won't have the right to go round while he's living there. At least the best friend will be unlikely to cause deliberate damage or withold rent.
Plus it's not your flat so not your problem.
I advise take a big step back, forget about the flat and enjoy your current home.

catandcoffee · 27/01/2023 16:33

I personally think you should never mix business and friendship but it's down to your other half really.

LumpyandBumps · 27/01/2023 16:34

It’s possibly not a good idea to rent it out at all if you feel a strong emotional attachment to the flat.
As others have said it should be a business arrangement.
Personally I feel that tenancies should be operated on a formal basis. Letting to friends makes that hard.

TakeMe2Insanity · 27/01/2023 16:38

All people change the moment money becomes involved in a relationship. There is no way on earth I’d rent one of my properties to someone I had a friendship/ family relationship with. The landlord /tenant and friend boundary is to be blurred if not ruined.

IslandLife88 · 27/01/2023 16:40

Absolutely do NOT rent to a close a friend. It will go very badly and ruin their friendship.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/01/2023 16:40

Over-invested landlords are the bane of tenants' lives. It's not your home, it's a rental now. And it's not yours anyway.

I would make it very clear that any issues aren't yours to solve. Then detach.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 27/01/2023 16:41

Renting to friends or family is very often a recipe for disaster.

Renting to one that one of you doesn’t like even more so.

Talk to your DH. I’d focus on the fact that things going wrong can massively damage a long term friendship though, rather than “your mate is a dick”

Glorianna · 27/01/2023 16:41

I find that people who are so money obsessed are surprisingly reticent about paying other people the money they owe them.

I would not mix business with friendship EVER. That is the tack you need to take with DH, not the 'I hate him' route.

RedToothBrush · 27/01/2023 16:42

Hang on. If you are married it becomes a joint asset.

The worry for me would be what happens if he pays late or not at all. Or you want to put the rent up.

Would that damage the friendship? Could you rent it out at a commercial rate?

My friend rented her house to one of her friends. It caused a few issues with the state it was left as well as demands for repairs that weren't necessary.

Also, she couldn't put the rent up when she wanted as she felt difficult. When she eventually did it resulted in a lot of aggro.

ShimmeringShirts · 27/01/2023 16:43

I used to have a LL that viewed the house I was renting, and therefore made my home, as his home. Utter twunt he was, I moved asap.

AgathaX · 27/01/2023 16:46

Once that place is rented, to anybody, it becomes their homes and not yours. You need to distance yourself from the place and accept that. That said, I wouldn't rent to friends because there's too much scope for things to go wrong.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/01/2023 16:47

'It'll make you landlord and tenant, not best friends and if you ever need to sell it, you'll have to evict him. It's better to engage a lettings agent for an insured tenant that isn't somebody we know and not mix friendships and business'.

Original poster
teomama · 27/01/2023 16:48

I’ve rented for many years before I was able to buy. I know a thing or two about bad landlords and will always aim not to be one. I’d be much less hesitant if that’s someone that came through an agent.

OP posts:
Theshortone · 27/01/2023 16:51

Ultimately I guess it is your husband's choice.

Agree with PPs though. If it gets messy then he might lose his friend.

I'd at least do this through a proper estate agents with a secured deposit and not with 'mates rates' with it being clear that it will still go up with inflation if needed. It may put the friend off if he is hoping for a good deal.

RedToothBrush · 27/01/2023 16:52

Theshortone · 27/01/2023 16:51

Ultimately I guess it is your husband's choice.

Agree with PPs though. If it gets messy then he might lose his friend.

I'd at least do this through a proper estate agents with a secured deposit and not with 'mates rates' with it being clear that it will still go up with inflation if needed. It may put the friend off if he is hoping for a good deal.

This.

Warspite · 27/01/2023 16:53

I am a Landlord. (LL)
Everything I read on the LL forums says NOT to rent to friends and family. It can get really difficult & lead to losing a good relationship. For example, if rent is not paid and it has to go to court, what then? BF could take advantage in the name of “friendship.”
However, if your DH does go ahead and it goes wrong, stay out of it! You might feel “I told you so” but it’s his place to do as he wishes. I can appreciate where you’re coming from but try to switch off your emotional attachment.
Personally, I wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole and ….
remind your DH he must jump through all the legal admin hoops (or risk heavy penalties) and pay tax on the income. This renting out lark can be admin’ tedious and therefore is not all it’s cracked up to be. Leave him to it. Stay out of it.

JanuaryBlues2023 · 27/01/2023 16:54

KirstenBlest · 27/01/2023 16:27

Don't rent to friends or family. If they cross boundaries it will be messy.

At the end of the day its up to your DH. But agree with the above. This could end up a nightmare.