Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT rent a property to DH's childhood best friend

123 replies

teomama · 27/01/2023 16:15

I will start by saying I honestly dislike the said BF. He is shallow, materialistic, and mainly talks about money and things. He's a next door neighbour of my DH and they've grown up together, their mums being good friends. Now we're in the fortunate position where we're able to rent out DH's bachelor pad. This is a place he owns, we do not own jointly, hence I realise my husband has the final say. The BF has asked if he could rent the flat from us, as he wants to live with his partner, and his studio is too small for two.
The bachelor pad is our first joint home together with my DH, I love the place and have taken great care in decorating and maintaining it well. I'd like the place to be rented to people I like and believe will treat it with care and love. I don't like the thought of someone I strongly dislike staying there. Should I make this clear to my DH?

YANBU - Yes, you should be involved in picking up the tenants
YABU - This is your DH's flat and he gets to say who rents it

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 28/01/2023 17:08

Cherrysoup · 28/01/2023 17:08

Don’t rent to friends or family. Always do an Assured Shorthold tenancy, never anything off the books, that’s a major recipe for disaster.

Get an agent round to estimate rental value. Charge that.

This.

Never, ever rent to friends or family.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 28/01/2023 17:10

piedbeauty · 28/01/2023 09:15

I can understand how you feel. All these people saying 'you need to detach yourself from it' - that's easy to say, not so easy to do!

Why not talk to your h, tell him your reservations, see what he says?

Agree with this. Your feelings are understandable.

Dreamscomingtrue · 28/01/2023 17:12

If you’re married it’s a joint asset, so I don’t see why you don’t get a say in who rents it.

renting to family and friends is usually a recipe for disaster.

bridgetreilly · 28/01/2023 17:15

I love the place and have taken great care in decorating and maintaining it well. I'd like the place to be rented to people I like and believe will treat it with care and love.

Nope. This is not what being a landlord is.

Zanatdy · 28/01/2023 17:16

You could find someone who seems perfect, and they trash it or don’t pay the rent. Better to rent to someone you know and trust. At least he trusts him, even if you don’t

Pedallleur · 28/01/2023 17:17

Will work if it's a business arrangement not mates rates etc. But somewhere it will become an issue

Original poster
teomama · 28/01/2023 17:19

So an update. The said BF wanted to rent for around a year - until he sells his 1 BR flat. He says his own flat is too small to share with his new girlfriend, as they need more space to work from home. He’s asking for “mates rates” so they can move in together. I find it a bit audacious, to be honest - like I mentioned, he’s almost 45 and a working professional, I find the approach a bit immature.

OP posts:
Flakjacketon · 28/01/2023 17:28

I would advise against renting to family or friends. I have bitter experience. If problems arise they can be difficult to sort out because of the personal relationship.
What if he stops paying rent or ignores your ground rules? Are you really going to evict a friend.

As you say, ultimately it is not your decision, but, for the above reasons, I would suggested your BF thinks long and hard ; he could lose a friendship

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/01/2023 17:50

If you are married, it's a joint investment property. You've put time and effort yourself into preparing it for rental.
The income is to help you and your DH with your own lives.

How big a discount does he want? Is he taking the mick?
How easy will it be to let the flat on the open market?
The reason for mates rates is ..if he is reliable then at least you have found a good tenant quickly and its someone you know and to not pay an agent's letting fee, the flexibility might suit both sides.
I would still make them pay a deposit and have a proper letting contract
Only DH knows how reliable this friend is.
If he's not proven reliable in the past then that would count against this plan.

SiobhanSharpe · 28/01/2023 17:56

I thought "mates' rates" only really work if there's a reciprocal element, i.e. the DH in this case gives him a reduced rent in return for the tenant carrying out some ongoing maintenance or DIY on the place, if that is his skill, or servicing the DH's car, or doing his accounts, for example. But something in return.

I have quite a few friends in the trades and this often seems to be how it's arranged.
Apart from that it's a bad idea, as almost everyone has said.

QuitterShitter · 28/01/2023 18:05

Don't see how it's any of your business to be honest and it's posts like this that make me glad I'm single. Put it this way, if I had a flat available to rent off my own dollar and someone I was in a relationship with was in my ear giving me his two pence worth I'd be telling him to fuck off!!

ImAvingOops · 28/01/2023 18:07

So what have you said to the friend in response to this?
Your dh would be mad to do this when his mate can't afford market rate - it's not your family's job to finance someone else's life!

ImAvingOops · 28/01/2023 18:10

@QuitterShitter OP isn't just in a relationship, she's his wife. That has legal implications for them both!
What he does affects her and vice versa - if it all goes tits up, neither gets to walk away without consequences. It's really not the same as just dating/living together

QuitterShitter · 28/01/2023 18:11

ImAvingOops · 28/01/2023 18:10

@QuitterShitter OP isn't just in a relationship, she's his wife. That has legal implications for them both!
What he does affects her and vice versa - if it all goes tits up, neither gets to walk away without consequences. It's really not the same as just dating/living together

Yep. Don't get married!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/01/2023 18:14

teomama · 27/01/2023 20:59

I don’t think he will destroy the place or be noisy partying type etc (he’s 45). I think he’s hoping for “mates rates” and an arrangement off the books.

Ah - in that case, while it's your DH's property and mainly his decision to make, I'd try to discourage this if you can

Renting to friends or family can be a bit thorny anyway, but if anything goes wrong and he's done it "off the books" he could lose a friend and plenty of money

On another note, if he's a working professional, why wouldn't he be able to afford a market rent?

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/01/2023 18:21

teomama · 28/01/2023 17:19

So an update. The said BF wanted to rent for around a year - until he sells his 1 BR flat. He says his own flat is too small to share with his new girlfriend, as they need more space to work from home. He’s asking for “mates rates” so they can move in together. I find it a bit audacious, to be honest - like I mentioned, he’s almost 45 and a working professional, I find the approach a bit immature.

How much is this mate's rates thing going to cost you?

More questions:

What happens if they split up and she doesn't want to move?
What happens if one of them loses their job and can't pay?
What happens if one of them goes off sick?
What happens if his flat doesn't sell?
What happens if there are repairs your DH has to pay for and the mate's rates doesn't give enough surplus for that?
Are they doing a proper tenancy/deposit/checks etc.?

SecondRow · 28/01/2023 18:24

What's your DH's thinking on it so far – does he see any issues or not mind getting below market rent?

Original poster
teomama · 28/01/2023 18:48

The BF is not able to afford market rate as he will continue to pay off his own mortgage. Mortgage + rent is a heavy load, even though his girlfriend will also participate - but she has a teaching job and sadly her income is not really high.

My husband sees the downsides to renting to a friend. We became parents of twins last year, and it’s important to make financial decisions with that in mind.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 28/01/2023 18:52

So once he sells his flat he will repay the back rent? No, he won't will he?

qazxc · 28/01/2023 18:55

Given the updates, the answer should be no. He can't afford the rent.
Also echo all pp's who have said that renting to (CF) friend's and family is a bad idea.

Original poster
teomama · 28/01/2023 18:57

I think he’s hoping to get something way below market rate. Make the move with his partner, and have the peace of mind he’s got enough time to sell without being pressured. He thinks it’s a win/win as we have two children and our costs have increased significantly.

OP posts:
SleeplessInEngland · 28/01/2023 19:20

I agree with the consensus: you’re going to be a nightmare landlord whoever it is do it might as well be someone you know.

Abitofalark · 28/01/2023 19:38

New girlfriend...wants it only for a year...um, that doesn't sound exactly settled or stable situation and couple. They haven't lived together so don't really know how compatible they would be. Who knows if the new relationship will even endure for that long? What if it didn't? He wouldn't be able to pay the rent. So much uncertainty in this. And anyway, if he is going to sell it in a year's time, couldn't they make do for that temporary period in his place?

Besides...all that's not the main point, which is that renting to a friend is fraught with difficulty and risk. The minute you even start talking about money you have crossed over into a different relationship from that of friendship to an inherently potentially conflicting one of two people on opposite sides of a financial proposition which you have then constantly to navigate and negotiate.

saraclara · 28/01/2023 20:02

SleeplessInEngland · 28/01/2023 19:20

I agree with the consensus: you’re going to be a nightmare landlord whoever it is do it might as well be someone you know.

That's not the consensus at all. The consensus is that it would be a foolish move because a) friends and finance don't mix b) the friend wants to pay less than the going rate and c) tenant is likely to be a nightmare as he can't really afford to do this. If the mortgage goes up (and any remortgage would be an expensive buy to let one) and the DH needs to put up the rent, he's going to have to evict his best mate.

HamBone · 28/01/2023 20:11

The more information you’re giving, the worse it sounds. “Mate’s rates” well below market rent until he sells his own place…what if that takes more than a year?

Taking away your dislike of this individual, I’d point out to your DH that this is a bad business decision and he’s not helping his friend out of a desperate situation, it’s just convenience for his friend really.

Best to rent it to a tenant at market rates and maintain a business relationship. Otherwise, he’s going to lose money and possibly damage a friendship. He can simply tell his friend that he can’t afford to give “mate’s rates” and leave it at that.