Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT rent a property to DH's childhood best friend

123 replies

teomama · 27/01/2023 16:15

I will start by saying I honestly dislike the said BF. He is shallow, materialistic, and mainly talks about money and things. He's a next door neighbour of my DH and they've grown up together, their mums being good friends. Now we're in the fortunate position where we're able to rent out DH's bachelor pad. This is a place he owns, we do not own jointly, hence I realise my husband has the final say. The BF has asked if he could rent the flat from us, as he wants to live with his partner, and his studio is too small for two.
The bachelor pad is our first joint home together with my DH, I love the place and have taken great care in decorating and maintaining it well. I'd like the place to be rented to people I like and believe will treat it with care and love. I don't like the thought of someone I strongly dislike staying there. Should I make this clear to my DH?

YANBU - Yes, you should be involved in picking up the tenants
YABU - This is your DH's flat and he gets to say who rents it

OP posts:
Wayk · 27/01/2023 20:47

Do not rent to friend s or family. I got badly burnt by my niece and her boyfriend.

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/01/2023 20:49

I would just say it’s now a business asset and you’d rather not tangle that up with a friendship. It is generally sensible not to.

But it is ultimately up to your DH

Inkpotlover · 27/01/2023 20:50

What makes you so reluctant to rent to him? Do you think he's going to trash it? Do you have evidence that he might?

Original poster
teomama · 27/01/2023 20:59

I don’t think he will destroy the place or be noisy partying type etc (he’s 45). I think he’s hoping for “mates rates” and an arrangement off the books.

OP posts:
Inkpotlover · 27/01/2023 21:03

teomama · 27/01/2023 20:59

I don’t think he will destroy the place or be noisy partying type etc (he’s 45). I think he’s hoping for “mates rates” and an arrangement off the books.

That's good that he might be a good tenant then. If he wants mates' rates, that's up to your DH, but he shouldn't do it off the books.

ImAvingOops · 27/01/2023 21:03

Mates rates is ridiculous - why should you subsidise his life? People need to realise that if you give them use of an asset for less than market value, that's exactly the same as you giving them actual money!

saraclara · 27/01/2023 21:37

No to mates rates and doing it off the books. That's madness.

saraclara · 27/01/2023 21:39

ImAvingOops · 27/01/2023 21:03

Mates rates is ridiculous - why should you subsidise his life? People need to realise that if you give them use of an asset for less than market value, that's exactly the same as you giving them actual money!

Yep. Mates rates, if at all, is for a one off job. Not a monthly amount for as long as he lives there (decades?). That's like your DH handing him (say) £100 every month for 20 years. For no reason.

AxolotlEars · 27/01/2023 21:41

I think you need to work through the emotional attachment to the property unless you think it's only because of this friend. I am not sure liking the tennents is the way most landlords approach filling a property.

It sounds like not only do you not like him but really you don't trust him.

The property isn't just your husband's as it is in the "marriage pot" and as you are married I think you should be able to talk about it.

I did rent from a friend and because of their attachment to the property it had its challenges! We did have a contract which I would say is essential.

Good things to discuss would be are you renting it out at market value? How will the rent payment be managed? How comfortable if he doesn't pay and what would the action be? How much deposit will be paid? You could ask these questions in a conversation with your DH and tell him your concerns too

MrsMikeDrop · 27/01/2023 21:43

YABU. Unless you think he will wreck it or not pay rent. It could be worth pointing out it's not a great idea to rent to friends incase something goes wrong, but on the face of it, you're being petty. Although equally I sympathise if you can't stand the guy.

Onnabugeisha · 27/01/2023 21:46

YABU
You need to let go of the flat and the way you’ve decorated it. It’s not your home anymore. It’s also not your decision at all who your DH rents it to, you can only give an opinion.

The opinion I would give to your DH, yes rent to whoever you want so long as it is done through an estate agent and they manage the property. Also that best friend must meet all the affordability checks and legal requirements to rent. That way your DH is protected if his friend starts to take the piss and not pay rent or cause damage. It also means your DH will meet all his legal obligations as a landlord, so if things go tits up, he can serve and eviction notice via the estate agent. It means too, you don’t need to worry about the hassle of protecting the deposit.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/01/2023 21:50

Are finances and assets joint (for example did he move into your home but now his name is on the deeds? Did you put in more of a deposit because his money was tied up?) If yes then you actually do have a say. However only a financial say (not renting to someone because they are materialistic doesnt count).

I'd always suggest a formal tenancy agreement though to protect all parties. Ask him how he would deal with various situations. Like his mate breaks something by accident. His mate loses his job and can't pay rent. Interest rates rise and he has to put the rent up but his mate says he can't afford it. Bills arent included and his mate doesnt put the heating to save money but the place goes mouldy

pizzaHeart · 27/01/2023 21:57

I ticked YANBU but just because I don’t like an idea of mixing personal relationships and business. It’s very tricky with the rental as there are expectations from both sides. Even if your DH is very assertive there is very high risk that their friendship will be badly affected.

Somebatshitteryonhere · 27/01/2023 22:01

Oh grow up op. I’m embarrassed for you. What a child.

Murdoch1949 · 28/01/2023 07:13

As you're married, surely it's joint property now. Even if it's not, as his wife you are entitled to a say. If you feel his friend would not be a good tenant you can express your reasons to him. The monthly rental should not be mates rates, it's family income. If you think he may be less caring than you like in the flat, get a bigger deposit. Don't accept any sob stories about being unable to afford a deposit either. If this is the first property you have rented out, do research on the things to include in a contract to protect yourselves. Maybe, to make it easier for your husband, you should be the 'landlord', DH's friend is less likely to ask for favours from you than him, and your DH won't be put in a difficult position. You will be able to monitor the finances to check rents paid etc, but also could do the annual or six monthly inspections.

Eleganz · 28/01/2023 07:23

The "mates rates" thing is a bit of a problem. You need a proper tenancy agreement (to protect both parties) and the rent has to be so that it makes financial sense to your DH (i.e. it washes its face and gives a bit of income).

Original poster
teomama · 28/01/2023 09:00

I don’t think he has the means to pay market rate.

OP posts:
piedbeauty · 28/01/2023 09:15

I can understand how you feel. All these people saying 'you need to detach yourself from it' - that's easy to say, not so easy to do!

Why not talk to your h, tell him your reservations, see what he says?

RedToothBrush · 28/01/2023 09:21

So why should you subsidise him? If he can't pay market rate, how long before he doesn't pay rent at all?

Landlords need to be good landlords, but it's a pointless exercise if the tenant goes into an arrangement taking the piss from the word go.

The only possible outcome is problems and resentment.

Ask your DH if he values the friendship. If he does he shouldn't entertain the idea of this. If his friend then complains it shows how little he respects you and your DH because he thinks it's fair to free load off you.

Theshortone · 28/01/2023 16:59

teomama · 28/01/2023 09:00

I don’t think he has the means to pay market rate.

As lovely as it would be for your husband to help a friend, what happens if you do mates rates now but your mortgage/expenses go up in a year or 2? Will he be able to afford it if you need to charge him more? What happens if he stops paying entirely because he is annoyed that you ask for more? Can you afford to take this kind of hit for months on end of you need to go through eviction? You may never get your money back if it turns sour.

For this reason if you choose to rent to him it needs to be the going rate or minimal discount, with a secure deposit and all done above board so your insured and protected.

You need to explore all things that might go wrong here. Even with the best of friends it could go wrong

Notanevillamdlord · 28/01/2023 17:07

teomama · 27/01/2023 20:59

I don’t think he will destroy the place or be noisy partying type etc (he’s 45). I think he’s hoping for “mates rates” and an arrangement off the books.

Never do anything "off the books" if you rent to him he'll need a contract and you need to take a deposit barometer him and register it.

Do everything by the book if you did decide to rent to him. Especially a contract as no contract means you'll have a really hard time trying to evict him.

However there's no way I'd rent to a friend. You have to be cruel to be kind.

saraclara · 28/01/2023 17:07

If he can't pay market rate, then clearly he doesn't have the contingency to pay more if circumstances mean that your DH has to put up the rent for unavoidable reasons. And the way things are at the moment, there is little financial security at all. Assuming there's a mortgage on the place, they'd every chance your DH might end up realising he needs to put the rent up. If the friend can't pay, then he's going to have to evict him.

But more than anything, your DH needs to recognise that mates rates means that he is effectively giving his friend a substantial amount of money every single month for as long as the friend is there. And when anything goes wrong, his friend is not going to look back and see it that way. Oh, and good luck keeping back any of his deposit if the friend damages anything.

Seriously, this is a recipe for disaster.

Cherrysoup · 28/01/2023 17:08

Don’t rent to friends or family. Always do an Assured Shorthold tenancy, never anything off the books, that’s a major recipe for disaster.

Get an agent round to estimate rental value. Charge that.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/01/2023 17:08

teomama · 28/01/2023 09:00

I don’t think he has the means to pay market rate.

Would your DH set up a standing order to pay money into his mate's account every month? Because he's skint. No? Because that's what he's doing. And 'mate's rates' and 'off the books' actually means 'no recourse if it goes wrong because you didn't do your paperwork'.

I have worked in housing on and off got 3 decades. I would never do what your DH is considering. Just a few issues:

He's skint so probably won't pay rent
He's an arsehole so won't be nice to have there
You're making him dependent so he will never leave
You're muddying the waters of your relationship
you're subsidising an arse.

Notanevillamdlord · 28/01/2023 17:08

saraclara · 28/01/2023 17:07

If he can't pay market rate, then clearly he doesn't have the contingency to pay more if circumstances mean that your DH has to put up the rent for unavoidable reasons. And the way things are at the moment, there is little financial security at all. Assuming there's a mortgage on the place, they'd every chance your DH might end up realising he needs to put the rent up. If the friend can't pay, then he's going to have to evict him.

But more than anything, your DH needs to recognise that mates rates means that he is effectively giving his friend a substantial amount of money every single month for as long as the friend is there. And when anything goes wrong, his friend is not going to look back and see it that way. Oh, and good luck keeping back any of his deposit if the friend damages anything.

Seriously, this is a recipe for disaster.

⬆️⬆️ in spades.