Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT rent a property to DH's childhood best friend

123 replies

teomama · 27/01/2023 16:15

I will start by saying I honestly dislike the said BF. He is shallow, materialistic, and mainly talks about money and things. He's a next door neighbour of my DH and they've grown up together, their mums being good friends. Now we're in the fortunate position where we're able to rent out DH's bachelor pad. This is a place he owns, we do not own jointly, hence I realise my husband has the final say. The BF has asked if he could rent the flat from us, as he wants to live with his partner, and his studio is too small for two.
The bachelor pad is our first joint home together with my DH, I love the place and have taken great care in decorating and maintaining it well. I'd like the place to be rented to people I like and believe will treat it with care and love. I don't like the thought of someone I strongly dislike staying there. Should I make this clear to my DH?

YANBU - Yes, you should be involved in picking up the tenants
YABU - This is your DH's flat and he gets to say who rents it

OP posts:
WindscreenWipe · 27/01/2023 16:57

You’re going to be an absolute nightmare landlord, please don’t let it out to anyone, let alone someone nice who doesn’t deserve this.

I had a landlord like you. Very nice human being, lovely person - fucking horrendous landlord. Precious about every tiny aspect of the property. Every minor complaint or comment we had was a huge insult to them and their perfect home that we were living in. No respect for the fact it was our damn home now so, no, you can’t just pop over, no you can’t park on our drive when doing to shop next door. Constantly popping by for things they’d left in the attic or left in the shed… offended that we didn’t like the TV where they’d had theirs, offended that we didn’t like their choice of curtains and lampshades, offended about everything.

You won’t find a tenant that you’re looking for by your description in the OP. And, frankly, it’s not even your flat!

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 27/01/2023 16:57

@teomama

I have selected YABU, but not because I don't think you should have a say in it. I have selected it because you are married and should have made sure this flat is in your name too. You are married, and therefore, this flat is 50% yours.

You should own everything 50/50 IMO. I would not stand for my DH owning stuff that I had no say in/didn't have entitlement to 50% of. If he insisted on keeping HIS stuff to himself, then he wouldn't be married to me for long. Is your DH keeping the rent money he will make from said friend too?

nb. Anyone who thinks this is the DH's property, I bet the courts would disagree should they divorce!

ImAvingOops · 27/01/2023 17:00

Does finding a tenant through an agency give you better legal protection than a private arrangement with a friend? If you did allow the friend to rent it, you would have to have proper contracts to protect yourselves and this could cause issues in the friendship because friend will feel insulted that he isn't completely trusted.
Although in not agreeing to rent to him, this friendship could be damaged anyway - I really think the friend shouldn't have asked. It's a bad idea to mix business and friendship.
Otoh, he might be a twat as a person, but a good tenant in terms of financial reliability and looking after the property - that the mums are friends too will likely help in keeping him from trashing the place. I know that when my son found a rental via a friend of mine, I felt a responsibility to 'remind' him to take extra care of it.

I do think that you have to emotionally detach though, if you are to rent it out at all. And I don't agree that dh gets final say - when you are married you should both make financial decisions together - if the rental goes wrong for any reason, it will impact on both dh and you, so your opinion matters too!

I think I'd be inclined to say to the friend that you are just going to do short term let's as you might sell the flat and don't want to make him homeless or offer him something that has no security

ChubbyMorticia · 27/01/2023 17:01

I wouldn’t rent to family or friends. Things have too much potential to go wrong, and end up both financial and relationship issues

Notanevillamdlord · 27/01/2023 17:03

Don't mix business with pleasure it never ends well.

The ds of BiL's friend ( who's renting BiL's property) is £5k in arrears with no means to clear the debt. It's very awkward and the friendship is very strained. Stay well clear.

Original poster
teomama · 27/01/2023 17:04

WindscreenWipe · 27/01/2023 16:57

You’re going to be an absolute nightmare landlord, please don’t let it out to anyone, let alone someone nice who doesn’t deserve this.

I had a landlord like you. Very nice human being, lovely person - fucking horrendous landlord. Precious about every tiny aspect of the property. Every minor complaint or comment we had was a huge insult to them and their perfect home that we were living in. No respect for the fact it was our damn home now so, no, you can’t just pop over, no you can’t park on our drive when doing to shop next door. Constantly popping by for things they’d left in the attic or left in the shed… offended that we didn’t like the TV where they’d had theirs, offended that we didn’t like their choice of curtains and lampshades, offended about everything.

You won’t find a tenant that you’re looking for by your description in the OP. And, frankly, it’s not even your flat!

Respectfully, you’re making assumptions based on your negative experience and not my character or intentions.

OP posts:
RedCarsGoFaster · 27/01/2023 17:06

I think your best argument here is about not renting to friends or family as it's a business investment and as such you don't ever want to fall out with them over whether they feel he's replaced the boiler quickly enough or whether he's a shoddy overbearing landlord (for example). It could irreperably damage their relationship if things sour and it's entirely possible the tenants (whoever they are) will have unreasonable expectations about your DH letting things slide - what if they can't pay the rent, what if they smash a window or badly damage something in the flat.... Would he be happy to serve them with an eviction notice if he needed to get the flat back into his possession again? How does that work for a friendship if it's required?

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 27/01/2023 17:07

ChubbyMorticia · 27/01/2023 17:01

I wouldn’t rent to family or friends. Things have too much potential to go wrong, and end up both financial and relationship issues

Same with lending money! DH's 'friend' ex friend has been ignoring us/doesn't speak to us any more, since summer 2021, because we refused to lend them £3000 that they 'needed.' Got proper arsey because we wouldn't hand over some of our hard earned savings. They would still have ignored us if we had lent it to them, because they'd have spent the last 1.5 years avoiding us so they didn't have to give it back. At least they're ignoring us but we still have our £3000!

saraclara · 27/01/2023 17:09

focus on the fact that things going wrong can massively damage a long term friendship though, rather than “your mate is a dick”

That. And @NeverDropYourMooncup had the perfect response to your DH

'It'll make you landlord and tenant, not best friends and if you ever need to sell it, you'll have to evict him. It's better to engage a lettings agent for an insured tenant that isn't somebody we know and not mix friendships and business'.

OhmygodDont · 27/01/2023 17:11

I think he shouldn’t rent to the friend not because of you or your feelings but because without at minimum a proper middle man (agent) this can go wrong very fast and even with an agent it could still ruin the friendship. In fact even asking possibly has, because if your partner says no it’s why, if he says yes and it goes to shit it’s gone to shit then too.

bonzaitree · 27/01/2023 17:13

100% agree with a previous poster that friends and business don’t mix and this is your best argument.

Say to him that it’s a risk if the friend doesn’t pay rent or he doesn’t look after the place that they will have a falling out and a lifelong friendship will end. Surely he doesn’t want to risk that.

WindscreenWipe · 27/01/2023 17:14

teomama · 27/01/2023 17:04

Respectfully, you’re making assumptions based on your negative experience and not my character or intentions.

Show quote history

It’s based on your OP.

TeddyTrucks · 27/01/2023 17:16

Sorry but YABU. It's not your property. Yes you may have spent time doing it up but at the end of the day it's become something to make a living from. If you wait for the " right" people to arrive, you could be waiting years. Think about your future and all the properties you could make your forever home with the help of the income from this flat. Time to let go and think of times to come xx

Threeboysandadog · 27/01/2023 17:26

I haven’t voted because I have mixed feelings about this. It was your dh’s flat so I do think he should have final say but it was also your home so you should have input. I think you are both in a difficult situation. If you rent to a stranger instead of him he may feel resentful. I think I might if a friend could help me out at little cost to themselves but chose not to. However renting to a friend could also end in tears especially at the end of the tenancy.

I once rented from relatives of a good friend. They had bought the house, complete with furniture/equipment, with a view to renting it out to make money for the future. They had bought it and stayed in it overnight along with other relatives staying locally for an event. When I moved out after two years they said there were things damaged and missing. There absolutely weren’t. I treated the house with great care. I totally believe they think they were right and not trying to cheat me in any way but hadn’t had time to check/count everything before I moved in. It really made things awkward for the future and although I did maintain the friendship for a while, I’m not in touch with that friend now.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 27/01/2023 17:38

catandcoffee · 27/01/2023 16:33

I personally think you should never mix business and friendship but it's down to your other half really.

This. What will your DH do if he does not pay the rent? Evict his best friend?

Fuckstix · 27/01/2023 17:42

Sucessinthenewyear · 27/01/2023 16:20

I think you need to realise it isn’t your home anymore. It’s a financial investment. But I wouldn’t rent to a friend, it could get messy if he isn’t a good tenant and DH could lose his friend.

I agree with this. You need to detach somewhat otherwise you'll be picking fault with any tenant. You can't expect them to care about the interior etc as much as you do. I also agree with keeping business and friendships separate and would advise DH not to rent it to his pal on this basis, rather than your dislike being the main reason.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 27/01/2023 17:43

The minute you get into renting you have to let go of emotional attachment. Its up to DH.

Yoppi · 27/01/2023 18:50

Unless you can afford to do it for free if they don't pay then never rent to family or friends, it never ends well.

OneTC · 27/01/2023 18:59

Not renting to a friend because you think it's a bad idea = YANBU.

Not renting to your husband's friend because you think he's a bit of a dick = YABU

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/01/2023 19:14

I am landlord. YABU to not want to rent it to the friend because you don’t like him. Idk what your dh’s boundaries are like and that would be the issue with renting it to him. He could easily lose this friend. You do not have good boundaries yourself as you’re not thinking about this flat in terms of a business venture.

The closest I’ve got to renting a house to someone I know is the daughter of a person, who regularly works on my property. But these are business relationships, not friendships and therefore I have been able to maintain a good relationship but distance.

RandomPerson42 · 27/01/2023 19:19

Business and friends do not mix well. YANBU.

Cornelious2011 · 27/01/2023 19:28

It's his choice ultimately. I wouldn't want to be told I couldn't rent to a friend. Your dh obviously has a different opinion on his bf than you do. If he's going to do it, he should do it properly with contracts etc.

paradigmshifts · 27/01/2023 20:34

I personally would never rent out a property to a friend or family member. There are so many stories on various forums where the arrangement and relationship has fell apart. The TV show “slum landlords and nightmare tenants” was always full of stories where people had rented out property to friends / family in good faith which often resulted in non payment of rent, trashed properties and broken down relationships.

If your husband does choose to rent to his friend, he should make himself 100% aware of his landlord responsibilities and still carry out thorough employment vetting / financial background checks to protect himself and to see if his friend has any CCJs. Your husband still needs to treat the tenancy as if he was renting to a stranger - protect the deposit within 30 days, do yearly gas cert checks, EICR cert, how to rent booklet, EPC certificate.

Even between friends / family, the act of taking money from someone in exchange for exclusive use of a property still creates a legal tenancy in the eyes of the law and if your husband’s friend stops paying he will still have to evicted via the legal channels using a court which is lengthy and very costly.

Maybe you could suggest to your husband to use a reputable letting agent to value, market and manage the property and invite his friend to apply for the property with the LA along with everyone else interested, that way thorough checks will be carried out by the letting agent on all applicants and your husband can choose who is most suitable out of a pool of potential tenants? The letting agent will then set up the tenancy the correct way going forward. Best of luck with the matter x

SeasonFinale · 27/01/2023 20:39

KirstenBlest · 27/01/2023 16:27

Don't rent to friends or family. If they cross boundaries it will be messy.

This with bells on^

Not a good idea at all.

Newmum0322 · 27/01/2023 20:43

I wouldn't rent to a friend... But that's not your your reasoning you YABU

Id say that it isn't worth the risk to the friendship if something goes wrong .. damage, neighbourly complaints, unpaid rent, rental increases, no notice when leaving etc... It's a recipe for disaster!

Your husband should choose and your not liking his friend should not be mentioned or discussed as it's irrelevant. However, I would look to encourage my DH not to do it for all of the above reasons!