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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

work issue - who was wrong

148 replies

Chouette123 · 27/01/2023 15:09

Who is U?

2 managers, same small team, let's call them Jill and Sandra.
Jill's report Bob has issues with performance. Despite interventions, this does not improve. It has been decided that Bob will be let go.

While this has been discussed, Bob has gone to HR to make a complaint about Jill. They cannot work together, Jill is too controlling and always critical of Bob's work even though his performance is fine, Bob doesn't like the communication style and finds it very rude and so on. HR, Jill and Bob discuss the matter and HR does not find Bob's accusations hold water.

Jill tells Sandra that Bob is about to be let go. Sandra now tells Jill that Bob had also approached Sandra some time ago (before he went to HR) to complain about Jill. Sandra had told Bob that if Bob had addressed those issues to Jill and they didn't find a solution, he could talk to either HR, or Jill's manager.

Jill feels betrayed and that she no longer trusts her colleague. She feels she needed to know this info to protect herself against accusations from Bob. She feels Sandra could have at least given her heads up that Bob might be up to something. Sandra feels that as she was told about the concerns in confidence.

Who is U, Jill or Sandra?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 27/01/2023 16:21

Jill is unreasonable and should have been aware that a complaint is likely when performance managing someone who doesn’t believe there is an issue with their performance.

VerveClique · 27/01/2023 16:22

Jill and Sandra’s manager should have been right across this and handling the whole thing better! That’s who is truly at fault here.

HundredMilesAnHour · 27/01/2023 16:23

Chouette123 · 27/01/2023 16:09

either Bobs complaint is spurious and therefore there is no need for Jill to change or do anything or it has weight and Jill shouldn’t be given any time to cover her tracks

Jill feels the complaint is sprious so she would have for example asked other people to join meetings with Bob, given instructions in writing etc, to avoid he says-she says situations.

Jill should have been doing all of these things as soon as she became aware that there was a potential problem with Bob's performance.

Jill sounds inexperienced as a manager and could learn a lot from Sandra!

saltinesandcoffeecups · 27/01/2023 16:24

VerveClique · 27/01/2023 16:22

Jill and Sandra’s manager should have been right across this and handling the whole thing better! That’s who is truly at fault here.

No, Jill should have been point on this and her manager should be available for support as needed. Employee performance management is a core responsibility for a manager.

SleeplessInEngland · 27/01/2023 16:24

Jill is really awful person.

Luckily the OP isn't Jill. Right?

ChrisPPancake · 27/01/2023 16:25

Jill feels she should have been warned that Bob is putting a complain together, she could have maybe done some things differently during that time.

Is "done things differently" code for "stopped being a bitch"?

Sandra could have told Jill of the conversation but was not obliged to. I don't think not doing so makes her the villain.

Newmum0322 · 27/01/2023 16:25

Jill is wrong. It’s a professional environment and she made the right choice professionally.

On a friendship level I might think differently, but it wasn’t a personal decision.

cstaff · 27/01/2023 16:25

Maybe the op is bob and he is looking for suggestions on how to keep his job by playing sandra and Jill against one another 😆

Sorrynotsorry2 · 27/01/2023 16:25

Jill is in the wrong

saltinesandcoffeecups · 27/01/2023 16:26

cstaff · 27/01/2023 16:25

Maybe the op is bob and he is looking for suggestions on how to keep his job by playing sandra and Jill against one another 😆

😂

BreviloquentBastard · 27/01/2023 16:26

Jill can keep updating the thread with all the excuses in the book, Jill is still wrong.

If I was Jill's manager and I found this thread I'd be seriously considering whether Jill is the type of person I want working for me.

ladymacbeth · 27/01/2023 16:27

Fuck that, sandra did not act appropriately! If an underperforming staff member who you know is going to let go, comes to you to complain about their manager, you don't point them to HR without warning said manager!

Quveas · 27/01/2023 16:28

ArcticSkewer · 27/01/2023 15:48

Sandra is a weirdo for not telling Jill earlier but then choosing to tell her after the event. One or the other, please!

If it was me, I'd expect a heads up from a fellow manager that something was amiss but it wouldn't really matter either way as it wouldn't change my behaviour or record keeping. Having said that, sometimes other managers try to undermine you by doing exactly that (to show they are getting an inside track on gossip and to make you feel insecure).

Jill is best off watching her own back and not worrying about other people. Sandra needs to stop stirring.

I do hope I don't work with you!

Sandra's only error was in later engaging with Jill to discuss an employee. She correctly advised that employee previously - if he had a problem then take it to the proper channels, not bitch behind closed doors. Jill should never, on any grounds, be gossiping about an employee. Ever.

Whyareblokesonhere · 27/01/2023 16:29

Jill is wrong 100% and so wrong in fact that if I was HR I would revisit those complaints from Bob or at the very least do some more digging.

Bellalalala · 27/01/2023 16:29

Chouette123 · 27/01/2023 16:20

So Jill is basically admitting then that she didn't treat Bob well..!

Jill is worried Bob will make stuff up and she has no evidence to contrary

That’s Jill’s fault.

How on Earth has anyone got to the point that someone is being sacked with no documented evidence?

Fladdermus · 27/01/2023 16:29

ladymacbeth · 27/01/2023 16:27

Fuck that, sandra did not act appropriately! If an underperforming staff member who you know is going to let go, comes to you to complain about their manager, you don't point them to HR without warning said manager!

She didn't know and told said manager as soon as she was informed.

stayathomer · 27/01/2023 16:31

I don’t think op is Jill (placemarking😅)

Original poster
Chouette123 · 27/01/2023 16:31

If an underperforming staff member who you know is going to let go, comes to you to complain about their manager,

At the time of the event, Sandra didn't know there were performance issues. The 2 teams don't really work together, both have their own areas.

OP posts:
Goldpaw · 27/01/2023 16:32

Chouette123 · 27/01/2023 15:51

Jill thinks Sandra should also have had a quick chat with her along the lines of ‘Bob seems unhappy, did you know?’

Jill feels she should have been warned that Bob is putting a complain together, she could have maybe done some things differently during that time.

Which is exactly why Jill shouldn't have been told!

ittakes2 · 27/01/2023 16:34

Jill worries me as she expects Sandra to be anything less than professional - I am beginning to think maybeob had good reason to have issues with Jill.

ShillyShallySherbet · 27/01/2023 16:34

Jill sounds a bit of a nightmare. No smoke without fire.

Whyareblokesonhere · 27/01/2023 16:35

Ok should of read the other updates but Jill is 100% wrong but HR needs to dig deeper into Jill, Sandra and their boss.

Someone else mentioned it's a professional environment, they might want to revisit that and say 'it is mean to be a professional environment'.

Jill, wrong to complain about Sandra, wrong to suggest had she been aware of possible HR complaint then would do things differently

Sandra, wrong for disclosing anything just because of self preservation

J&L boss, wrong for not being on top of this.

Bob, who knows now.

rothbury · 27/01/2023 16:36

Jill is wrong. Sandra was in a difficult position and appears to have tried to act professionally.

Are you Jill?

TheBestTeam · 27/01/2023 16:37

OP is wrong to make such an irritating thread 😅. Attempts to be impartial never work - the OPs just keep tweaking the story until they get the required response.

Christmaspyjamas · 27/01/2023 16:38

Yes Jill is wrong.

Jill should concentrate now on following process and she should not expect others not to follow process.