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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

work issue - who was wrong

148 replies

Chouette123 · 27/01/2023 15:09

Who is U?

2 managers, same small team, let's call them Jill and Sandra.
Jill's report Bob has issues with performance. Despite interventions, this does not improve. It has been decided that Bob will be let go.

While this has been discussed, Bob has gone to HR to make a complaint about Jill. They cannot work together, Jill is too controlling and always critical of Bob's work even though his performance is fine, Bob doesn't like the communication style and finds it very rude and so on. HR, Jill and Bob discuss the matter and HR does not find Bob's accusations hold water.

Jill tells Sandra that Bob is about to be let go. Sandra now tells Jill that Bob had also approached Sandra some time ago (before he went to HR) to complain about Jill. Sandra had told Bob that if Bob had addressed those issues to Jill and they didn't find a solution, he could talk to either HR, or Jill's manager.

Jill feels betrayed and that she no longer trusts her colleague. She feels she needed to know this info to protect herself against accusations from Bob. She feels Sandra could have at least given her heads up that Bob might be up to something. Sandra feels that as she was told about the concerns in confidence.

Who is U, Jill or Sandra?

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 27/01/2023 15:44

Jill is U.

Pirrin · 27/01/2023 15:47

Jill can't expect personal allegiances in the workspace, only professional behaviour. If she has a friendship with Sandra it's understandable that Jill felt a bit hurt because there's a blurring of professional and personal boundaries there. But Sandra acted in a professional manner and was in the right.

If you are Jill then understand she did what she had to do in order to do her job properly.

If you're Sandra and Jill is pissed at you then please don't worry about it!

ArcticSkewer · 27/01/2023 15:48

Sandra is a weirdo for not telling Jill earlier but then choosing to tell her after the event. One or the other, please!

If it was me, I'd expect a heads up from a fellow manager that something was amiss but it wouldn't really matter either way as it wouldn't change my behaviour or record keeping. Having said that, sometimes other managers try to undermine you by doing exactly that (to show they are getting an inside track on gossip and to make you feel insecure).

Jill is best off watching her own back and not worrying about other people. Sandra needs to stop stirring.

Igotthegoose · 27/01/2023 15:49

Sandra acted upon her professional duties to advise as per policy and not disclose a personal matter elsewhere when approached by Bob.

Jill is letting her personal feelings and unprofessionalism over shadow the whole event. Jill had a right to feel that way as she is human after all but not to act or speak out about it in a work setting. Jill should accept the situation and respect Sandra’s professionalism in what sounds like a difficult situation for everyone.

BreviloquentBastard · 27/01/2023 15:50

Jill is completely in the wrong. Presumably Bob told Sandra his concerns in confidence, if Sandra had revealed this to Jill she could easily have gotten a bollocking.

Jill needs to realise that work colleagues are not friends and can't be held to the same expectations.

ChicCroissant · 27/01/2023 15:50

Jill shouldn't be talking to Sandra about it from what you've said here, how Jill (I think this is the OP) can say she doesn't trust her colleague is a bit rich if she's talking about Bob behind his back ....

Original poster
Chouette123 · 27/01/2023 15:51

Jill thinks Sandra should also have had a quick chat with her along the lines of ‘Bob seems unhappy, did you know?’

Jill feels she should have been warned that Bob is putting a complain together, she could have maybe done some things differently during that time.

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 27/01/2023 15:51

If I were Jill I would have appreciated a heads up, but that doesn’t mean Sandra was wrong. In fact Sandra’s actions are textbook what a manager should do. The only other thing that I would have also done in Sandra’s place would be tell my manager (also Jill’s Manager).

mumasore · 27/01/2023 15:52

Chouette123 · 27/01/2023 15:51

Jill thinks Sandra should also have had a quick chat with her along the lines of ‘Bob seems unhappy, did you know?’

Jill feels she should have been warned that Bob is putting a complain together, she could have maybe done some things differently during that time.

If Jill feels that she would need to do something differently then Jill is in the wrong with Bob

Jimboscott0115 · 27/01/2023 15:52

Jill is blatantly wrong. An employee came to a manager in (I assume) confidence and the manager gave some pretty sound advice around the process to follow.

Jill them blabs about Bob being let go to another manager (which happens) in confidence but doesn't expect Bob to be given the same right to a confidential chat with a manager?

If this is typical of Jill's approach to situations and the type of emotional reaction she has to a minor situation, then I'd question her ability to be a manager as she lacks rational thinking.

ArcticSkewer · 27/01/2023 15:53

Chouette123 · 27/01/2023 15:51

Jill thinks Sandra should also have had a quick chat with her along the lines of ‘Bob seems unhappy, did you know?’

Jill feels she should have been warned that Bob is putting a complain together, she could have maybe done some things differently during that time.

She should reflect on why she would have done things differently - it's probably not a good idea. Always act as if you might have to justify your actions in a tribunal!

Anyway, it might have just made her anxious and insecure.

NoSquirrels · 27/01/2023 15:53

Chouette123 · 27/01/2023 15:51

Jill thinks Sandra should also have had a quick chat with her along the lines of ‘Bob seems unhappy, did you know?’

Jill feels she should have been warned that Bob is putting a complain together, she could have maybe done some things differently during that time.

Jill is wrong to expect this.

Jill should either have the courage of her convictions that she’s a good manager who treated Bob fairly, or accept that she could have done things differently but it’s not Sandra’s responsibility to pass confidential information on.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 27/01/2023 15:54

Chouette123 · 27/01/2023 15:51

Jill thinks Sandra should also have had a quick chat with her along the lines of ‘Bob seems unhappy, did you know?’

Jill feels she should have been warned that Bob is putting a complain together, she could have maybe done some things differently during that time.

If Jill would have changed her approach with Bob because of a potential complaint then that’s a red flag. Jill should assume that all of her actions could come under scrutiny at any time (rightly or wrongly) as a manager.

MajorCarolDanvers · 27/01/2023 15:54

Sandra did the right thing.

Jill is in the wrong.

Member869894 · 27/01/2023 15:55

You are more jill than a Jilly thing...

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 27/01/2023 15:56

Jill is in the wrong and tbh not a great manager if she has to change her behaviour knowing a complaint has been made.

TokyoSushi · 27/01/2023 15:57

Sandra is fine, Jill is wrong. If Jill acts the same way in work as she writes MN posts then I can see how this might have come about...

Quartz2208 · 27/01/2023 15:58

Chouette123 · 27/01/2023 15:51

Jill thinks Sandra should also have had a quick chat with her along the lines of ‘Bob seems unhappy, did you know?’

Jill feels she should have been warned that Bob is putting a complain together, she could have maybe done some things differently during that time.

That is exactly why it would have been unprofessional.

either Bobs complaint is spurious and therefore there is no need for Jill to change or do anything

or it has weight and Jill shouldn’t be given any time to cover her tracks

Viviennemary · 27/01/2023 15:59

Jill sounds very unprofessional. Why is she even a manager. Get rid of Jill and give her job to Bob.

Streamside · 27/01/2023 15:59

Is any of this being documented as I think Bob has a fair chance of being retained if his manager/s disagree like this. As a trade union representative, disagreements on issues like this makes my job much easier.
It's always useful to ask yourself how a situation would appear in a tribunal.

Tallulah28 · 27/01/2023 16:00

Jill is wrong. Sandra was right to support Bon and hold his confidence.

Survey99 · 27/01/2023 16:01

The only thing Sandra did slightly wrong was tell Jill she had had a conversation with Bob. She would have been better holding her own counsel on that one especially if she is aware of Jill's potential to overreact.

Sandra as a manager did the right thing supporting Bob by listening to his concerns and advising him on the options available to him IF he wanted to take further. It was not her place to gossip about a private conversation, more so when it couple potentially result in a formal complaint. Sandra has been very professional, more that what could be said about Jill.

TheShellBeach · 27/01/2023 16:02

You're obviously "Jill" in this scenario, OP.

I hope you're not too disappointed that the whole of MN thinks you're BU.

FlickFlackTrap · 27/01/2023 16:02

Team Sandra.

TheShellBeach · 27/01/2023 16:02

Viviennemary · 27/01/2023 15:59

Jill sounds very unprofessional. Why is she even a manager. Get rid of Jill and give her job to Bob.

Good idea.