Page 5 | What's the max you would spend (as a guest) on attending a hen party?

henpartybudget22 · 2023-01-26T18:22:30+00:00

Not sure what is a reasonable amount these days - I'm thinking £100, but concerned I'm being tight. The wedding itself is a destination one in Europe, so have already paid a fair amount on travel and hotel.

Dotjones · 27/01/2023 11:41

If it's a party/night out then £50 should cover it no problem. Chances are if you're in a pub or something you'll get blokes offering to buy you drinks anyway, hen parties are targetted by some men under the "last ride before she's a bride" concept.

If the hen party is a week away then I'd base it on my usually holiday criteria - whatever my budget would be for a normal holiday.

RewildingAmbridge · 27/01/2023 11:42

This is a bit of an odd question, as much as you can afford/are willing to spend surely?
I paid including spending money over £600 to go to my best friend's sister's hen do. Sounds mad but my friend and I hadn't been on holiday together without children etc for more than a decade, so I was willing to spend that to have five days in the sun with her.
I'm going to a hen this year nothing flashy but in another part of the country (uni friend) and I expect with accommodation for one or two nights plus travel and expenses it will easily be a few hundred pounds. Train alone will be around £85 hotel £50 a night each and that's sharing a premier Inn. That's not demanding or grabby that's how much things cost, people are a lot less likely these days to stay in the same town they grew up in and have a social circle mainly of people who live within a few miles radius.

Chilliee · 27/01/2023 11:42

For a destination wedding, the bride should be toning down the hen and having a local night out or something. I'm not tight at all, went abroad for a friend's hen and spent a fortune it was brilliant. But if I'm already spending a fortune on a destination wedding then the hen should just be a good local night out.

WFHbore2023 · 27/01/2023 11:42

Depends what it was.

I went to one last year -2 nights in a city, train tickets, 4 meals out, contributing to the brides meals, drinks, an activity and then shopping money cost me around the £500 mark.

I also saw this as a weekend away, rather than just a hen party.

Chowtime · 27/01/2023 11:45

I'd splash out £100 for a curry and a pub crawl - wouldn't go away for a week-end though.

Moonlightsonatas · 27/01/2023 11:46

I hate these extended weekend hen dos, just wish we could have a nice evening out or even a couple of daytime activities. It’s always an Airbnb for 2 nights or glamping. Then activities on top, the people who are only staying one night don’t want to pay as much as the people staying 2 nights so the costs go up again.

MajorCarolDanvers · 27/01/2023 11:49

@OoooohMatron

Why is a hen do a 'ridiculous event'? What's ridiculous about having a fun weekend with friends?

The expectation that you need to spend hundreds or thousands of pounds is ridiculous. How many threads have you seen on here where people are stressed out of their minds about how to afford this, fallouts, childcare nightmares?

It used to be a Hen Night - not a do, a weekend away, a trip abroad, destination event. It was a meal out and some drinks - sometimes a pub crawl.

MimiandFifi · 27/01/2023 11:53

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SnoozyLucy7 · 27/01/2023 11:54

The fact that the wedding is abroad and so you have to dish out a shed load of money already - flights, hotel, clothes, presents and spending money, I think in this case I would say £100 maximum, and if the bride wants to do extra stuff she should be expected to cover additional costs, otherwise it just gets a bit greedy.

A friend got her self into debt after just 2 weddings, with corresponding hen dos before that. So she got herself into debt for someone’s else’s “special day”. It’s nonsense.If I was the bride I would be absolutely mortified to have put any of my friends and family in that position.

Fragrantandfoolish · 27/01/2023 11:57

SnoozyLucy7 · 27/01/2023 11:54

The fact that the wedding is abroad and so you have to dish out a shed load of money already - flights, hotel, clothes, presents and spending money, I think in this case I would say £100 maximum, and if the bride wants to do extra stuff she should be expected to cover additional costs, otherwise it just gets a bit greedy.

A friend got her self into debt after just 2 weddings, with corresponding hen dos before that. So she got herself into debt for someone’s else’s “special day”. It’s nonsense.If I was the bride I would be absolutely mortified to have put any of my friends and family in that position.

Are you genuinely trying to suggest it’s the Brides fault foe the decisions that woman made over her own finances, that rhe bride should have known her financial details and decided for her? That the woman bore no responsibility for her own decision to get into debt and no just say no sorry can’t afford?

how very odd.

MimiandFifi · 27/01/2023 11:57

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Planesmistakenforstars · 27/01/2023 12:12

£200 max for a sibling, with everything included in that. No more than £50 in any other circumstance.

SnoozyLucy7 · 27/01/2023 12:12

Fragrantandfoolish · 27/01/2023 11:57

Are you genuinely trying to suggest it’s the Brides fault foe the decisions that woman made over her own finances, that rhe bride should have known her financial details and decided for her? That the woman bore no responsibility for her own decision to get into debt and no just say no sorry can’t afford?

how very odd.

Show quote history

No of course it’s not the brides fault. Yes, indeed, I think my friend should have said no, but didn’t as she felt obligated to go along anyway as in both instances she was a bridesmaid. Again, no one forced her but there was an expectation for her to attend every thing.

My point is that, if you are having a wedding abroad, inviting people, to come over abroad, who will subsequently pay a tonne of money to attend said wedding, and all the other expenses that are incurred along the way, I personally think that it’s rather cheeky and a bit greedy to expect those same people to spend a tonne of money, before the wedding, on expensive hen and stag dos, and all the other events leading up to the big day.

So no, it’s not odd at all.

cucumberegg · 27/01/2023 12:13

I'm going away this summer on a hen do costing £650 for a long weekend abroad, that's for flights/accom/activities then there'll be extra costs food and drink when we get there. Seems pricey to me, but there's 30 of us going so doesn't seem unreasonable to our friend group!

Another close friend had a uk weekend break last year and it was about £350 all in and that was with the group being tight on budgets (completely different friend group)

Airymanning · 27/01/2023 12:14

Honestly? £50-60

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/01/2023 12:17

@MajorCarolDanvers

The expectation that you need to spend hundreds or thousands of pounds is ridiculous. How many threads have you seen on here where people are stressed out of their minds about how to afford this, fallouts, childcare nightmares?

The expectation inflation about hens is definitely a real thing. A really good male friend of mine got the hump and dropped me when I said I couldn't afford to attend a weekend joint stag/hen party in a castle in Cornwall. It would have cost the best part of a grand.

But it is up to other people to reinforce the idea that this is absurd. No one is required in law to go to these things. If you can't afford it you just have to hold the line. If someone can't grasp that they're not a real friend.

LCforlife · 27/01/2023 12:17

Selfishly it really depends on how much I want to go and what I can afford obviously.

Really good friend, I know lots of other people and I know it's going to be really fun? I'd be up for a long weekend abroad, spa etc

I don't have a set figure in my mind really but I'd judge each invitation.

I went to a couple this summer and with activities, accommodation and food it was probably 200 ish for each which was good value for what we did.

WFHbore2023 · 27/01/2023 12:18

Not quite the answer to the question, but I have found that within one friendship group I'm in (all couples, mid 30's, children) that the men of the group seem to be able to come to a decision on length, destination and cost of the stag do, than the women do.

My friend organised the last hen we went on, and a lot of her suggestions were met with 'no' based on cost and time away from children. We had a uk weekend break in the end, one activity.

Her husband organised the stag - week in Portugal. No questions from anyone, no suggestions of a shorter time, a cheaper destination. Just booked like that.

wherearerhou · 27/01/2023 12:19

500 ish

Fragrantandfoolish · 27/01/2023 12:22

SnoozyLucy7 · 27/01/2023 12:12

No of course it’s not the brides fault. Yes, indeed, I think my friend should have said no, but didn’t as she felt obligated to go along anyway as in both instances she was a bridesmaid. Again, no one forced her but there was an expectation for her to attend every thing.

My point is that, if you are having a wedding abroad, inviting people, to come over abroad, who will subsequently pay a tonne of money to attend said wedding, and all the other expenses that are incurred along the way, I personally think that it’s rather cheeky and a bit greedy to expect those same people to spend a tonne of money, before the wedding, on expensive hen and stag dos, and all the other events leading up to the big day.

So no, it’s not odd at all.

Show quote history

I hate to use the age old phrase, it’s an invite not a summons, and no one expects someone to get into debt. Nor is the bride supposed to monitor people’s finances, I’m assuming the woman is an adult. If she couldn’t afford it then she shouldn’t have spent money she didn’t have.

It is not for the bride to habe a hen do to cater for your friends finances as she’s an idiot who can’t manage her money.

the only fault here is the woman who got herself in debt for a jolly.

FlamingoYellow · 27/01/2023 12:36

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There is an expectation though. If it's a family member or a close friend then there is an expectation that you will go. I have been to hen weekends that I couldn't really afford and didn't enjoy because it would have hurt the bride's feelings if I didn't go.

xogossipgirlxo · 27/01/2023 12:50

Ilikewinter · 26/01/2023 18:31

So I was going to say £100 - maybe thats why I dont get invited on nights out anymore 🤣🤣

I wanted to say the same. Looks like I'm cheap😂

BarbedButterfly · 27/01/2023 12:52

100 but I am not a fan and didn't have one myself. Also don't drink

crosspusscrossstitcher · 27/01/2023 12:55

No more than about £50 on a hen do (nice dinner at a good restaurant with friends)

I'd refuse to go on a residential "hen weekend" full stop, so that would be £0.

BubziOwl · 27/01/2023 13:02

I have to say as well, I don't recognise the pressure to attend a hen do that people are talking about. I think I've just got lucky with my group of friends because none of them have been like that, I certainly wasn't like that (though my hen do was a very cheap night), and the ones who are yet to get married I can't envision turning bridezilla either. I'm feeling quite grateful tbh!