What's the max you would spend (as a guest) on attending a hen party?

[henpartybudget22]

Not sure what is a reasonable amount these days - I'm thinking £100, but concerned I'm being tight. The wedding itself is a destination one in Europe, so have already paid a fair amount on travel and hotel.

I find it shocking that some people would spend the more than of our family's monthly food bill on a hen do.

I'm happy for an afternoon activity and evening meal/drinks and will chip in with friends for some cheap and cheerful accomodation if it avoids longer taxi journeys/getting the last train.

I don't like the way hen/stag dos have become multi-day affairs, usually very expensive too.

This is an impossible question because it’s not taking into consideration a) what you are getting for that money (so a few drinks or a meal or a weekend away etc) b) what you earn, c) what your normal night out/ weekend away with the girls budget is and d) how close to the bride you live.

I have regular nights /weekends away with a group of girlfriends, so while all are married, if one was getting married again and had a hen do, I’d assume our usual weekend away budget plus a bit more as assume we’d upgrade our usual meal out. but while I’d spend that on a weekend away, I’d balk at a £300 night out. But then I have friends who happily go to Michelin starred restaurants for special occasions and happily pay nearly a grand for a meal, so wouldn’t think twice about that for a meal and drinks.

there was a hen do thread recently when the hen lived the other end of the country to the bride and all the rest of the “hens”, so her hen do costs included expensive travel and a hotel/Airbnb regardless of what the bridesmaids arranged.

Why do you find it "shocking"? Genuinely interested. I don't understand your reasoning. Surely you understand that "your family's monthly food bill" is an entirely arbitrary measurement!
Some people might earn a lot more than you.
Some people might have different priorities to you.
It's bizarrely arrogant to assume that just because you personally can't afford/dont see the value in something nobody else should.

There are hundreds of things that other people spend money on that I never would, I don't think it's shocking they chose to do so, just accept they have different priorities and interests to me. If they didn't the world would be a very boring place.

When I was in my late twenties I went on a LOT of hen dos. I didn't have a spouse or partner at the time and had a fair amount of disposable income so spending it on a fun holiday or night out made perfect sense. Should I have just stayed at home alone all year watching tv because the amount I spent on those things could have fed my non-existent family?

People are acting like spending money on a hen do is equivalent to spending it on crack cocaine whereas actually it's a night out/holiday- making memories, having fun,social interaction, money into local businesses, recognising a significant life event of a close friend or family member....if you personally don't want to go, don't, but the judgement of those that do as being somehow lacking is ridiculous unless you're prepared to have every element of your expenditure criticised.

I see a lot of posts like this, where people ask how someone can afford something, it’s as if they think everyone’s income is the same as theirs. It is not,

one person can afford 20 quid, another can afford 200. The fact you cannot afford it and others can should not be a shocking thing for you, not if you’re an adult.

you must be able to look around you, leave your street, and see houses of all different costs. From basic starters homes to multi million pound ones. You must see shops and know some people spend a tenner on a hand bag from sainsbos and others a couple of grand in channel.

it shouldn’t be shocking that some folks have more disposable income than you and others less.

it shouldn’t be shocking to you that people like things you don’t. Some want a weekend away with their friends for their hen. Others a Nando’s and an early night.

we don’t live in a communist society where everyone drives the same cars, lives in the same houses, and has the same amount of money.

The 2 hen dos I've been to were around £300 for cheap shared accommodation and a few activities. We then each bought costumes taxis, food, and booze. Dublin was expensive. Other one a rented house in Yorkshire, similar budget but more refined, so meal out, few drinks, sight seeing. Another friend had a pamper day with some nail techs and massage. That was a daytime thing and was £75 with a basic buffet and 1 treatment.
I think it's gonna be more than £100!

Why do you find it "shocking"? Genuinely interested. I don't understand your reasoning. Surely you understand that "your family's monthly food bill" is an entirely arbitrary measurement!
Some people might earn a lot more than you.
Some people might have different priorities to you.

It's bizarrely arrogant to assume that just because you personally can't afford/dont see the value in something nobody else should

Making some big leaps there aren't you.

It's arrogant to be shocked about people spending hundreds on hen dos?

I also didn't say anything about nobody else being able to enjoy something different to me. What a weird response.

Given the median UK income is around £30,000 and the cost of living is quite high, and increasing, it is surprising that such expensive hen dos and stag dos are so common.

These numbers are crazy, wow! 😰😱

Question!

What if you never get married yourself / have a hen do?
And you spent all this money that no one will ever spent on you?
It’s a bit unfair, isin’t it?

£80

@YouAreNotBatman friendships shouldn’t be transactional.
I’ve never been married nor will I ever be but I love going to my friends hen dos - it’s my choice! I’m not going to sit sulking and saying “it’s not fair!” because they won’t be spending the same amount of money to come to my hen party. Plus, I also get something lovely out of going to these things, usually I’m spending the money to enjoy myself. Just having fun. Worth it to me.

£200-£300 max.

£40 on a meal and a train ticket.

£50 or £70 fir a very close friend or family.

TheChosenTwo

Yeah, I know it shouldn’t be transactional, but often they are, a bot at least.

Guess you’re a bigger person than I am.
I start to get angry about it pretty quickly.😁

I very genuinely won't go to any hen do that's an overnight job, but I am a bit of a miser 😬

Literally £30. Taxi, couple of drinks, home. Yes I am boring but I just think it's so entitled to expect people to spend money on your hen do. It's just a glorified tacky night out.

I’ve only been to two hen parties - both were just a meal, piss up and overnight in a city so fairly cheap.

I’ve been married twice but didn’t have an hen do (neither husband had a stag do either) - just never been a thing in my friends group (thank goodness). Would happily go for a weekend away with friends and spend £500+ on that though. I would resent spending it on a hen do somehow though…maybe it is the obligation. Likewise birthday weekends. Ugh.

Destination weddings, hen parties and baby showers…No thank you!

Not really. The majority of people spending several hundreds pounds are doing so for the shared experience and to celebrate with someone they love and want to spend time with anyway.
I don’t see what’s unfair about someone choosing to attend a hen and then choosing to not get married?
Do you measure absolutely everything in your friendships to make it ‘fair’?
I’ve also spend similar on birthday trips ‘for’ friends so it’s not exclusive to getting married.

About £100?

I mean I have been on a hen weekend away (only the one) that cost a lot more but this was a really good friend.

This is one of the subjects where there’s always a massive disparity.

If all of your friends are local and are on minimum wage/ lower salaries then you’d usually expect to pay less and go to the nearest city

If all of your friends went to uni and have graduate jobs, live in different cities then you’d usually expect to spend more to either go abroad or to an air Bnb

Yet people are so shocked that others would spend or prioritise differently. . .

But you’re not spending it on the person. You’re spending it on the experience, the holiday, the night out, with your mates.

How can you get angry. I love going away with my friends, I’m going and enjoying myself with friends. I’m not going as some form of favour or gift.

The next one I’m going on is in may and we’ve known about it since last august. It’s costing 350 all in but since I’ve known since August don’t find it too much at all to be honest. We are paying as we go so I don’t feel it.

Given the median UK income is around £30,000 and the cost of living is quite high, and increasing…

no it’s not, the median uk full time wage is over 38k. That’s just the mid point, which mean millions earn more.

choosing to not get married?

It’s not always a choice

Do you measure absolutely everything in your friendships to make it ‘fair’?

No, but after year the imbalance becomes undeniable.

🤷‍♀️ okay so don’t celebrate with your friends purely because you aren’t getting married yourself and don’t feel like you are getting enough back.
I’m sure that will lead to a fulfilling and not at all bitter life.