What's the max you would spend (as a guest) on attending a hen party?

[henpartybudget22]

Not sure what is a reasonable amount these days - I'm thinking £100, but concerned I'm being tight. The wedding itself is a destination one in Europe, so have already paid a fair amount on travel and hotel.

Depends on so many things - how close I am to the bride, how many other big events/ holidays / other expenses I have around then, how much I think I will enjoy that activity/ the group of people.

In your case I can't even imagine a world where I am paying to attend a wedding abroad and I also feel I can spend on an multiple night hen do as well. So I'd be bowing out, apologising that I need to save for the wedding. If it was a bride I was very close to,, and the Airbnb wasn't too far, i might see if I could join them for a day, and if not maybe take the bride out for a drink or lunch to apologise another time.

As it is most of my friends and relations had local hen do, and none got married abroad (apart from the ones who did it precisely because they didn't want guests), so I've never had to spend that much. Which I guess may make me a bit stingier about what I would spend because it's not the norm to me!

Last one I got invited to was £350 before food drinks travel etc I turned it down. Two nights at a holiday camp with inflatable willies and Zumba was not for me. Dh had just turned down a stag aboard that was looking to cost around £600 all in for a weekend too.

Well this is mumsnet and nobody should ever have to spend any money on doing anything when somebody else is the centre of attention. 🙂

Personally I don’t have a rule. I see it pretty much as any organised activity, if I can afford it I will go.

Some of these comments are thought provoking. The negative focus is mainly on that by attending they are in some way doing the bride a favour. Spending money on her. That it’s purely for her benefit.

which tells me the people posting do not have friends and have never been invited on such a thing .

Because you’re not doing the Bride a favour, you are not spending money on her. It is not purely for her benefit. You are spending money for you Personally to join a social event and have fun with close friends, be it a weekend away or whatever. Something you all decide together to do. Yoire doing it as you wish to go and spend that time with your friendship circle. It’s ultimately nit just for the brides benefit, but for your own benefit with the wedding as an excuse to do it.

I think it’s very sad that people can’t even comprehend how anyone would have a close enough friendship group that you could want to go. That spending the money would be for your benefit and not just the brides.😔

£50-60

As it is most of my friends and relations had local hen do, and none got married abroad (apart from the ones who did it precisely because they didn't want guests), so I've never had to spend that much. Which I guess may make me a bit stingier about what I would spend because it's not the norm to me!
Same here.
One of my friends put it really well when she said that she told her bridesmaids explicitly not to do anything big because she didn't want to make assumptions about her friends' finances. Everyone going, including me, had well paying jobs, but she was very conscious with cost of living, people having different amounts on rent/mortgage/childcare, that she didn't want people to feel like they would have to compromise elsewhere in their lives for the sake of a hen do. As she said, we're all friends with her but it's just a day. She was a very chilled out bride as well and the wedding was one of the best we've attended.

Totally depends who is it, and my situation at that time. Given it’s an overseas wedding, then asking people to fork out a lot for a hen weekend seems a bit much. Can you do an afternoon / evening and then people either go home and can chose to stay if they want?

Thank!
😇

It’s great how well you understood what I was saying! Top notch!

I do wonder if it also in influenced by if all your friends and relations live in the same town as you? Because I have family and friends scattered over the UK and a few abroad, it’s already more normal for our group to go away together /spend a lot of money to get together/ do something big .

im already in the habit to find £300-500 for a weekend away together every 6 months, doing an extra weekend for a hen do seems perfectly normal.

DH had a stag abroad - but then he’s an ex rugby player and all his friends are rugby fans who would regularly go to away matches requiring overnight accommodation- they went to France to watch England play, this wasn’t out of the norm for their friendship group (pre dcs, it’s all calmed down now everyone has kids)

Sorry, but you’re wrong, also odd and condescending.
(Seriously, what’s wit the no friends comment, you seem to have some hang-up’s about the topic)

It is mostly status symbol / ’celebration’ of the bride.

If it was going to be a weekend away with my closest female friends having fun without kids/ husbands etc, i'd look at it as a holiday for me and be happy to chip in whatever seemed reasonable for the experience.

If it was for someone like a work colleague, where I wouldn't know anyone else, I'd probably be less inclined to spend so much - dinner and drinks (chipping in for the hen) would be fine.

The ones I've been on have cost me anywhere from £500 - £1000.

Hellibore
That's a good point about closest female friends actually.

If someone has a core group of half a dozen friends who are all friends with each other then they might feel differently about a larger hen do than someone who is good friends with the bride, but the hen party is a lot of different groups that are friends with the bride (eg 2-3 university friends, 2 childhood friends, 2 from the sport they play, 1 from work who they're good friends with, their sister and a cousin). Both can be enjoyable, but I can see how people might be happier allocating larger sums of money to the first sort of event over the second

I wouldn't consider more than £100

There's just no need for these ridiculous events.

I think it's taking the piss to do an expensive hen do and wedding, if people are already paying to attend your wedding it should really just be a modest night out.

I would pay standard airbnb weekend away prices if that's what I was doing for a Hen do, but I would be miffed if the bride was also expecting me to pay to go away for the actual wedding.

There is actually every need to have a long weekend away with the girls you love, exploring a gorgeous European town and spending quality time together.
Lighten up.

I get you, and I think you're getting a bit of a hard time for this comment. In my late twenties / early thirties it felt like ALL my disposable income was going on celebrating other peoples life events. Endless hens and weddings. While I was single. So single. And then the babies started coming. And yeah, sometimes I felt sad, or cross, and resentful; because I did feel that it was all in one direction, and I was fundamentally unhappy that I wasn't having these milestones myself. But, and I think you probably get this too, time changes perspective. We're all now closer to 50, and I am so so glad I went on those weekends and events. Fab memories of time spent with women I love and who are still in my life. Bonkers weekends haring round Barcelona, New York and Valencia. Laughing till it hurt. Dinners and dancing and cocktails. Or chips on the beach in Blackpool. Doesn't have to be fancy. And their kids are becoming teenagers and they're (mostly) great and seeing them grow up is lovely. And I am still unmarried (although not single) and without children but that's ok. And I've had some beautiful birthday presents over the year because I have no doubt they've been aware of the discrepancy and have subtly tried to even it up a bit.

And these events don't happen any more cos everyone is skint! So I treasure them. What I would say to the wider question is spend what you're comfortable with but only on people you really care about. A colleague you don't actually spend time with outside work drinks? Probably not, for me anyway.

I'm a bit too old to be being invited to hens any more (and any marriages I'm attending these days are usually second marriages) so the only "hen" I've been to in the past decade was a low key sauna/spa afternoon thing with drinks afterwards for six which came in at comfortably under £100.

But it would totally depend on who it was getting married. For a really good friend I would potentially splurge quite a lot and be prepared to combine with a holiday.

If it was an acquaintance or someone I didn't really care about I'd probably bow out tbh: childcare would be an absolute nightmare and I can't be arsed with the drama and admin that inevitably accompanies these things.

Around £500

£100 on travel and accommodation as I'd assume that would be paid in advance, but I'd budget more for drinks/food/activities. Maybe £200 in all? But that would be the maximum. The only hen do I've ever been on we went back to our uni town and stayed with friends who were still living there so costs were minimal.

Yes it's arrogant to be shocked that people spend money celebrating their close friends' significant life events, and also just a bit weird. As another poster has said, do you go around all day being "shocked" that other people are eating out/buying things in shops/going on holiday/driving nice cars on finance/sending their kids to private school/paying for wraparound childcare rather than being a sahp (or vice versa), getting groceries at waitrose rather than lidl, etc....

Most people learn by about age 10 that some people have more money than them, others have less, and people choose how to spend their money differently so it is a bit weird that a grown woman is still shocked by this....

Why is a hen do a 'ridiculous event'? What's ridiculous about having a fun weekend with friends?

£50 for a pal. £150 for a best mate.