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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shot myself in foot?

97 replies

Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:07

So, we only have a downstairs bathroom ( old house) and I mentioned to younger family member that this was actually good as, due to OT training, I knew that this made it easier for downstairs living in event of elderly frailty. Their response was " oh, so no need to save for/ sell house for care home then, you can give all your savings/ inheritance to your kids now"
Cue my face giving me away.
Apparently not being ready to do this makes us typical, greedy selfish boomers proving some bookthat says all Millenials' problems were deliberately caused by my generation ?
We've already given them nearly 90k cash each towards their housebuys ! Alright, we could just about give them enough to both live rent free in a house their 30s if we give them most of the remaining pot, but are we selfish not to?
Wish I hadn't tried to 'sell' the idea of a downstairs bathroom as not being completely horrible and old fashioned as relly was making out. We've managed with it fine since kids were small.
They also made a comment as to how much our house (3 bed semi) 'must be worth' - as we're in SE. They were out by a mile, its only about 60pc of their guess.
Aibu to be pissed off AND not selfish

OP posts:
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 26/01/2023 14:10

It's no one's business what you do with your money or house.

I would have laughed it off and ignored. If they persisted tell them that your finances are none of their business and move on

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 26/01/2023 14:11

Also a downstairs loo makes it easier fr downstairs living in some cases but isn't always the best option

Chilliee · 26/01/2023 14:11

What's OT training? Was this one of your kids that said this? And meant it? That's some cheeky fuckers you have there! Already been given £90k each and yet it's still not enough???

KettrickenSmiled · 26/01/2023 14:12

Their response was " oh, so no need to save for/ sell house for care home then, you can give all your savings/ inheritance to your kids now"

What a depressing & enraging exchange. Sorry the relative is so ungrateful.
It's one of a pair of your own DC innit?

I hope you can reframe this from hurtful into ridiculous, & start having fun with it:

"Sorry my greedy fucker darling, we have no savings or assets bar the house, & we were hoping you'd repay the £90k each we gave you to fund our care. As we set you up so nicely, you must be over-paying your mortgages by now, when will you be mortgage free, & able to look after us?"

Original poster
Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:13

Well I kind of did, but it seems this is the narrative now. Having savings/inheritance is boomer privilege and our kids generation needs it more (recognise that, hence the gifts) therefore...

OP posts:
neverwakeasleepingbaby · 26/01/2023 14:13

Are you sure it wasn't a joke? I'm mid thirties and say stuff like this to my parents all the time. They know I'm joking. I keep going on at my dad to clear out the garage because I don't want it to become my job in the future. I guess it's just black humour in the face of the inevitable which is too sad to think about seriously so we just joke about it

Original poster
Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:14

It wasn't the kids, they were brought up better than that

OP posts:
EdieLedwell · 26/01/2023 14:15

Jesus grown up kids have some dark thoughts about their dp.

Original poster
Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:16

OT is occupational therapy. One of the things is how your house is set up for access etc

OP posts:
Clingfilm · 26/01/2023 14:16

You should've picked them up on it, they were incredibly rude.
Tell them you're leaving the bloody lot to the dog's home.

EdieLedwell · 26/01/2023 14:16

Not the kids? You gave 90k each to relations? And they still want more?

Who are they then?

Original poster
Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:18

neverwakeasleepingbaby · 26/01/2023 14:13

Are you sure it wasn't a joke? I'm mid thirties and say stuff like this to my parents all the time. They know I'm joking. I keep going on at my dad to clear out the garage because I don't want it to become my job in the future. I guess it's just black humour in the face of the inevitable which is too sad to think about seriously so we just joke about it

This I do get, although DH has most of the crap and won't get rid. They remember me clearing my mum's place!

OP posts:
Throwncrumbs · 26/01/2023 14:19

Everyone thinks if you are near retirement and own a house you are loaded, it’s so far from the truth, can’t stand ‘greedy baby boomers’ comments that you get on here, it’s like it’s our fault the country’s a mess. I tell everyone who makes this comment about how my taxes have paid for a world war 2 I wasn’t even alive then!

Original poster
Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:19

EdieLedwell · 26/01/2023 14:16

Not the kids? You gave 90k each to relations? And they still want more?

Who are they then?

No, I gave money to my kids but someone else has Opinions about Boomers houses

OP posts:
Chickenly · 26/01/2023 14:20

I’m in my 20s and so is DH - we own a 3 bedroom house in the SE (and our only bathroom is downstairs too). As an aside, I hate it so we whacked an en-suite in our master. My parents have a four bedroom house in the Cotswolds and they just finished paying off their mortgage. DH and I received no help from either side to afford our house. I hope to hell my parents spend every penny they have on living their life and enjoying it. DH’s grandparents lived to a frugal life to make sure they left their daughters enough and ended up leaving their (already wealthy by marriage) DD’s far more money than they needed. It doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not inheritance if you’re still alive, it’s your money! Live your life with it. You’re not being selfish at all to want to have what’s yours. If they want money then they can go and earn it.

And, for the record, I don’t know a single rational and intelligent person of my generation who blames your generation for the housing crisis. Just people who recognise that house prices are much higher now in relation to salaries than they used to be.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/01/2023 14:21

Sounds like it’s none of this person’s business!

EdieLedwell · 26/01/2023 14:21

Oh I see. That's even worse and very depressing

Fragrantandfoolish · 26/01/2023 14:21

They sound like a young twat to me, why are you taking their opinion so utterly seriously you need to ask advice?

Original poster
Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:23

Chickenly · 26/01/2023 14:20

I’m in my 20s and so is DH - we own a 3 bedroom house in the SE (and our only bathroom is downstairs too). As an aside, I hate it so we whacked an en-suite in our master. My parents have a four bedroom house in the Cotswolds and they just finished paying off their mortgage. DH and I received no help from either side to afford our house. I hope to hell my parents spend every penny they have on living their life and enjoying it. DH’s grandparents lived to a frugal life to make sure they left their daughters enough and ended up leaving their (already wealthy by marriage) DD’s far more money than they needed. It doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not inheritance if you’re still alive, it’s your money! Live your life with it. You’re not being selfish at all to want to have what’s yours. If they want money then they can go and earn it.

And, for the record, I don’t know a single rational and intelligent person of my generation who blames your generation for the housing crisis. Just people who recognise that house prices are much higher now in relation to salaries than they used to be.

Lovely. And yay downstairs bathrooms.
Honestly maybe it's what I read/hear, but I see little else besides it's all our fault because Reasons. Depressing. We just bought a house. It's the same house, just has a bigger label on it. Still needs heating lighting and repairs.

OP posts:
OnlyFannys · 26/01/2023 14:23

Sounds like a millennial bashing thread tbh

KettrickenSmiled · 26/01/2023 14:24

Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:19

No, I gave money to my kids but someone else has Opinions about Boomers houses

Show quote history

Oh.

In that case, don't bother having fun with them as per my suggestion upthread.

Just tell them to fuck right off.

Original poster
Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:25

Fragrantandfoolish · 26/01/2023 14:21

They sound like a young twat to me, why are you taking their opinion so utterly seriously you need to ask advice?

Because the same message is everywhere, including here. Saw someone honestly saying retired people should be forced to volunteer if not minding grandchildren

OP posts:
Chickenly · 26/01/2023 14:25

neverwakeasleepingbaby · 26/01/2023 14:13

Are you sure it wasn't a joke? I'm mid thirties and say stuff like this to my parents all the time. They know I'm joking. I keep going on at my dad to clear out the garage because I don't want it to become my job in the future. I guess it's just black humour in the face of the inevitable which is too sad to think about seriously so we just joke about it

This is a very good suggestion. I don’t expect my parents to leave me anything when they pass because I hope they’ve enjoyed as much as they can. But, I definitely make inheritance jokes to my parents. Things like, at Christmas I’ll give a handbag and she’ll say “this is too expensive, you shouldn’t have” and I’ll say “don’t worry, I’ll get it back when you’re dead” or if she pays for holiday or a new car or another extravagance, I’ll joke about her wasting my inheritance.

Could it have been a joke OP? I can’t see someone saying this in all seriousness.

OliveWah · 26/01/2023 14:26

OnlyFannys · 26/01/2023 14:23

Sounds like a millennial bashing thread tbh

Either that or a not-terribly-stealthy stealth bragging thread...

WindscreenWipe · 26/01/2023 14:27

Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:25

Because the same message is everywhere, including here. Saw someone honestly saying retired people should be forced to volunteer if not minding grandchildren

Show quote history

People on mumsnet hold some of the most ridiculous opinions I’ve ever come across. I’d imagine a fair few aren’t genuine.