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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shot myself in foot?

97 replies

Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:07

So, we only have a downstairs bathroom ( old house) and I mentioned to younger family member that this was actually good as, due to OT training, I knew that this made it easier for downstairs living in event of elderly frailty. Their response was " oh, so no need to save for/ sell house for care home then, you can give all your savings/ inheritance to your kids now"
Cue my face giving me away.
Apparently not being ready to do this makes us typical, greedy selfish boomers proving some bookthat says all Millenials' problems were deliberately caused by my generation ?
We've already given them nearly 90k cash each towards their housebuys ! Alright, we could just about give them enough to both live rent free in a house their 30s if we give them most of the remaining pot, but are we selfish not to?
Wish I hadn't tried to 'sell' the idea of a downstairs bathroom as not being completely horrible and old fashioned as relly was making out. We've managed with it fine since kids were small.
They also made a comment as to how much our house (3 bed semi) 'must be worth' - as we're in SE. They were out by a mile, its only about 60pc of their guess.
Aibu to be pissed off AND not selfish

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 26/01/2023 14:27

Who is this someone else that thinks it's appropriate to comment?

I'd answer jovially, no we're keen to travel round the world, then book ourselves into a retirement village. It's the only sensible thing to do these days!

Downstairs bathroom isn't going to stand between you and paying for care fees. One relative is in a care home due to dementia, the other is heading in due to regular fall's and general incapacity. Despite their downstairs bathroom. There won't be anything left for their DC

UWhatNow · 26/01/2023 14:28

To use the old cliche ‘if they told you to jump off a cliff would you?’

You don’t have to take on board other people’s opinions about how you live your life.

OnlyFannys · 26/01/2023 14:29

OliveWah · 26/01/2023 14:26

Either that or a not-terribly-stealthy stealth bragging thread...

Show quote history

Yep a downstairs bathroom is pretty standard these days, infant picture it sparking a debate about how selfish a person is not to give all their money to the younger generation 🤷‍♀️

OnlyFannys · 26/01/2023 14:30

OnlyFannys · 26/01/2023 14:29

Yep a downstairs bathroom is pretty standard these days, infant picture it sparking a debate about how selfish a person is not to give all their money to the younger generation 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

*I cant not infant 😳

EdieLedwell · 26/01/2023 14:30

Maybe there's context we're not getting?

Would this be a niece or nephew who won't inherit anything/get any help with property?

daemonologie · 26/01/2023 14:31

What does it matter it wasn't your children saying it?

PoppyFleur · 26/01/2023 14:31

I couldn’t imagine mustering the energy to give such unwanted and misguided mutterings any head space.

I also feel the same when I hear boomers commenting on how younger generations live, work and spend.

Original poster
Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:32

OnlyFannys · 26/01/2023 14:29

Yep a downstairs bathroom is pretty standard these days, infant picture it sparking a debate about how selfish a person is not to give all their money to the younger generation 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

It's the only bathroom. Fairly sure that's not standard. Also not sure what's braggy about owning a small Victorian semi?

OP posts:
Original poster
Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:33

Not in London either

OP posts:
greenspaces4peace · 26/01/2023 14:36

I’m confused, I’m a boomer, zero guilt for economic situation created by the generation before me or the group voting and changing the world now.
in day to day life no one has ever bashed me or my housing choice.
weird only depressing because you have irritating uninformed relatives.

LakeTiticaca · 26/01/2023 14:37

With that attitude I would be down to my solicitors office pronto to leave my entire estate to the local animal sanctuary!!

eyeslikebutterflies · 26/01/2023 14:38

My parents are Boomers. I paid their mortgage for years, as they were and are poor. So, I'm not expecting anything from them (even my money back). MIL is comfortable and has a small house, but we're not expecting a penny - it's her money, she can do what she likes with it.

My point is: not everyone thinks like your rellies. Don't give them headspace. Or, in fact, any space - sounds like you'd be much better off without them in your lives!

bigbluebus · 26/01/2023 14:39

How do they know the adult children need it more? Have they got a crystal ball? Downstairs bathroom does not necessarily get rid of the need for a care home in old age. I'm sure you'd like to be in a position to choose your own rather than go with whatever the Council can't on their limited budget because you can't self fund.

We are cash rich at the moment due to pension lump sums. Adult DS has not yet been able to buy a house. We may help him when he's in a position to but we certainly won't be giving him all our money. He'll get what's left after we're gone - and he is well aware that may be nothing!

Original poster
Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:40

@greenspaces4peace
You're fortunate. Wish this was me😒 There's a lot of Opinions washing about in our family

OP posts:
diddl · 26/01/2023 14:41

Sounds like a failed attempt at humour tbh.

And a boast of how much you have given your kids.

I mean a downstairs loo obviously doesn't guarantee never needing a care home.

Original poster
Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 14:50

I wasn't boasting. It wasn't my money, it was inherited. I was lucky, not claiming it makes me better???

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 26/01/2023 14:51

People are a bit tetchy round here at the moment. Take no notice.

OwwwMuuuum · 26/01/2023 14:56

I do see their point. What are you doing with the pot of money you’re sat on? Why do you want to keep it?

Id love it if my boomer parents just gave me my inheritance now. I’d spend it on school fees/extra curricular/ house improvements and bank the rest (so it’d still majority end up in a bank). It’s literally going to waste now. By the time we get it, it’ll be too late for it to be useful.

KettrickenSmiled · 26/01/2023 15:00

OwwwMuuuum · 26/01/2023 14:56

I do see their point. What are you doing with the pot of money you’re sat on? Why do you want to keep it?

Id love it if my boomer parents just gave me my inheritance now. I’d spend it on school fees/extra curricular/ house improvements and bank the rest (so it’d still majority end up in a bank). It’s literally going to waste now. By the time we get it, it’ll be too late for it to be useful.

Is this a joke, or are you genuinely this much of a selfish freeloader?

I hope your parents spend all their money on gin & racehorses, leaving you bugger all. Yup - that's what I said - THEIR MONEY - not "my inheritance". 🙄

BlackFriday · 26/01/2023 15:01

OwwwMuuuum · 26/01/2023 14:56

I do see their point. What are you doing with the pot of money you’re sat on? Why do you want to keep it?

Id love it if my boomer parents just gave me my inheritance now. I’d spend it on school fees/extra curricular/ house improvements and bank the rest (so it’d still majority end up in a bank). It’s literally going to waste now. By the time we get it, it’ll be too late for it to be useful.

WTAF???????????
What the hell does it have to do with YOU (and whoever this family member was) what the OP does with HER money? She doesn't have to be "doing" anything with it, she can sit and count it out in pennies all day if she wants to.

You should NEVER rely on an inheritance. It would serve you right, @OwwwMuuuum if your parents spent every last penny of THEIR money or, better still, disinherited you altogether. What a terrible attitude.

OwwwMuuuum · 26/01/2023 15:02

Lol, people are so angry. Why are you so emotional about money?

KettrickenSmiled · 26/01/2023 15:03

I’d spend it on school fees/extra curricular/ house improvements and bank the rest (so it’d still majority end up in a bank)

😂😂😂
Can you explain the logic of how money sat in your parents' bank account is literally going to waste, but the very same money sat in YOUR bank account isn't, @OwwwMuuuum ?

Original poster
Timesawastin · 26/01/2023 15:03

@OwwwMuuuum
Care costs cushion as per advice and experience working in care sector.
Plus when DH dies which will be before they reach middle age (older dad) they get his dc pension pot which is healthy. We're living modestly on DB private and state pensions, leaving dc pension alone. Yes, lucky to have them. I don't deny that.

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 26/01/2023 15:04

OwwwMuuuum · 26/01/2023 15:02

Lol, people are so angry. Why are you so emotional about money?

None of us are as emotional about money as you are about "my inheritance" your parents' money @OwwwMuuuum

NomadicSoul · 26/01/2023 15:05

The kids / hangers on are being selfish and not you. It is YOUR money and you earned it. It is not "theirs".

My brother used to go up to my parent's house and say he was "coming to check his inheritance" until my father put him straight on that one day. As I told my parent's it's their house and their money. If they want to sell it and live in rented accommodation and blow the difference on holidays then good luck to them.

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