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Original poster

Friend and her online men

93 replies

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/01/2023 09:11

Some posters might recall me discussing my concerns about this friend before. She's got lots of men she talks to without meeting. All she's seen are photos, never facetimed zoomed or anything. Telephone calls with some who are local but never met. Shared intimate photos with some of these. Two current ones are real but some are obviously scammers like the

catalogue model who couldn't zoom because he slipped on the catwalk.

She talks about these people at length which often makes for a boring conversation. I just decided to back off and let her get on with it.

Last night however I was at her house and saw a list of Brut items on a sheet of paper. 2 bottles of shower gel. 3 roll on deodorants. 4 anti perspirant deodorant. 6 body sprays. One cologne. 4 Brut splash on bottles. On it goes with other items and the address of the alleged doctor in Botswana.

I'm concerned this is the start of her sending money. I can't challenge her because I shouldn't really have seen it but it was left out on the dining room table.

Her sister is very concerned about her and her activities. Do I say something to the friend, the sister or say nothing?

What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/01/2023 09:12

And is Brut banned in Botswana? As in why can't he buy his own?

OP posts:
Sageadviceservices · 25/01/2023 09:12

Why wouldn’t you say something to your friend about this?

What friend can’t say ‘look you’re being an idiot’

Toddlerteaplease · 25/01/2023 09:12

If her sister is concerned, speak to her.

Mossball · 25/01/2023 09:18

Honestly you can try but she'll probably not believe you. She's clearly talking to you about them and what will happen is she'll stop telling you. You just can't convince them that it's a scam. A colleague of mine broke up with her husband due to messaging blokes, some of whom were suspiciously attractive but also unable to talk on the phone or visit. Before you know it her bank account was being tampered with. It really is such a frustrating situation when you can see they're totally believing a complete pack of lies.

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/01/2023 09:20

I don't understand why they want bottles of Brut though rather than money or Amazon cards which I've heard of. Do they sell it on? Seems odd.

OP posts:
DanseAvecLesLoups · 25/01/2023 09:23

I always wondered what people still bought Brut, a bit like who are the people who buy Blue Nun.

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/01/2023 09:29

I actually took the sheet of paper and shredded it in the hope she'd not sent it yet but I think she had. She's always losing things as she's so disorganized so she may not notice. It was headed up Birthday Gifts and I recall her saying this guy's birthday was in November.

OP posts:
OfDumplings · 25/01/2023 10:12

I went to Kenya on honeymoon, the windsurf hire guy chatted to both of us about life, the universe and everything over the days, stuff like shaving foam was really disproportionately expensive. So when we left DH gave him his can of foam, the guy seemed more pleased with that than the tip.

A relative of mine worked in victim support and women were scammed very easily when they were desperately lonely. Sure it happens to men as well but she assisted the women victims.

MatildaTheCat · 25/01/2023 12:48

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/01/2023 09:20

I don't understand why they want bottles of Brut though rather than money or Amazon cards which I've heard of. Do they sell it on? Seems odd.

I imagine it’s a form of grooming. Start with small items, act immensely grateful and gradually build up to larger cash sums.

Very sad. Keep telling her, after all why wouldn’t you?

TwoMonthsOff · 25/01/2023 12:54

‘some are obviously scammers like the
catalogue model who couldn't zoom because he slipped on the catwalk’

that is so funny 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/01/2023 13:28

I think the guy is selling the stuff. 6 bottles of each of about 10 different things. One of the cologne bottles costs £25. I think as a PP said these items are expensive in the African continent. Maybe she is supplying him inadvertently under the guise of a birthday present.

OP posts:
Led92 · 25/01/2023 13:33

Do you know who she banks with? I know it’s a bit odd but can you call them and let them know so they can safeguard? They’d have an interest in her not sending her money in a fraudulent transaction as they might be on the hook for some compensation.
She wont listen to you, they don’t. But if you tip off her bank they might be able to stop something before it starts.

OneTC · 25/01/2023 13:34

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/01/2023 09:20

I don't understand why they want bottles of Brut though rather than money or Amazon cards which I've heard of. Do they sell it on? Seems odd.

While general cost of living in some African countries is very very low, buying anything that isn't a completely standard item is shockingly expensive or simply not available.

When traveling around a southern African country when I was younger and we took footballs to give away because the same £10 UK bought football would cost £100+ there

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/01/2023 14:25

Led92 · 25/01/2023 13:33

Do you know who she banks with? I know it’s a bit odd but can you call them and let them know so they can safeguard? They’d have an interest in her not sending her money in a fraudulent transaction as they might be on the hook for some compensation.
She wont listen to you, they don’t. But if you tip off her bank they might be able to stop something before it starts.

I know it is HSBC but I don't know what branch. She banks online as far as I know.

OP posts:
Underminer · 25/01/2023 15:27

Definitely contact her branch. Explain that you do not want any account information but want to prevent fraud. They will listen and take notes without any information being passed to you.

we have the same situation with my aunt. Lonely, let loose online, suddenly had lots of men friends around the world, and my cousin noticed that she had ordered some postage boxes to sent them things.
my aunt would not accept that maybe it was a scam, so my cousin called her bank which helped stop it

BlueBooh · 25/01/2023 15:36

Interring that some of you say contact the bank. I'm genuinely interested in what they would do.

Has anyone got any examples? My uncle kept sending money for a lottery he "won", my aunt tried everything but wasn't able to get the bank to stop the transactions.

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/01/2023 15:41

I think I do know which branch she banks with now I think of it. She's always buying things on Amazon, packages arriving daily.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 27/01/2023 23:28

I've discovered that she's sent the package as well as another containing an expensive pair of trainers but that's been sent to his "friend's house where he's staying".

She's being a total idiot. Do I leave her to it? WWYD?

OP posts:
workiskillingme · 27/01/2023 23:57

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 27/01/2023 23:28

I've discovered that she's sent the package as well as another containing an expensive pair of trainers but that's been sent to his "friend's house where he's staying".

She's being a total idiot. Do I leave her to it? WWYD?

I would just tell her it's likely this person isn't who they say they are and urge her to be cautious with the money she spends etc however ultimately unless she lacks mental capacity it really is her choice

Underminer · 27/01/2023 23:59

Might depend upon the bank @BlueBooh It was Barclays that helped.

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 28/01/2023 10:49

I've told her sisters, the woman who runs the fan page where she met him and Scamhaters. A few people are going to talk to her but nobody holds out hope of her changing.

She's spent hundreds on this stranger's "birthday" but real friends and family get twenty quid inside a card.

OP posts:
Led92 · 28/01/2023 11:28

If you’ve told her, those involved and her bank… I don’t see what else you can do?

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 28/01/2023 11:54

Led92 · 28/01/2023 11:28

If you’ve told her, those involved and her bank… I don’t see what else you can do?

No you're right. We're going to have to sit back and watch her circle the drain, end up with no money, lose her house. Nobody's told her bank yet.

It won't stop at trainers. It'll be money for a flight next.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 29/01/2023 21:52

I’m drawing back from her antics. I feel terrible but I think it’s time to just let her carry on and ruin her pathetic life completely. There’s only one person who can change things and that’s her.

OP posts:
Penguinsaregreat · 29/01/2023 22:05

I know it’s not the point of the thread but if a strange bloke told me he wore Brut I’d be out off straight away, it’s revolting from what I remember. I remember the ads from the 70s with the very unattractive boxer.