Page 2 | Friend and her online men

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 2023-01-25T09:11:29+00:00

Some posters might recall me discussing my concerns about this friend before. She's got lots of men she talks to without meeting. All she's seen are photos, never facetimed zoomed or anything. Telephone calls with some who are local but never met. Shared intimate photos with some of these. Two current ones are real but some are obviously scammers like the catalogue model who couldn't zoom because he slipped on the catwalk. She talks about these people at length which often makes for a boring conversation. I just decided to back off and let her get on with it. Last night however I was at her house and saw a list of Brut items on a sheet of paper. 2 bottles of shower gel. 3 roll on deodorants. 4 anti perspirant deodorant. 6 body sprays. One cologne. 4 Brut splash on bottles. On it goes with other items and the address of the alleged doctor in Botswana. I'm concerned this is the start of her sending money. I can't challenge her because I shouldn't really have seen it but it was left out on the dining room table. Her sister is very concerned about her and her activities. Do I say something to the friend, the sister or say nothing? What would you do?

MadameDe · 29/01/2023 22:13

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 29/01/2023 21:52

I’m drawing back from her antics. I feel terrible but I think it’s time to just let her carry on and ruin her pathetic life completely. There’s only one person who can change things and that’s her.

Do this but before you do it tell her why and at least warn her. I know you say she won't listen but even if you've said it once you might plant a seed of doubt.

Workbaseddrama · 29/01/2023 22:16

Sounds like she's deeply lonely and is seeking the day to day companionship that clearly these scammers give her. It's really quite sad.

Is there anyway you as friends and family can wrap her up in activities for a few months to form some new habits - join some classes where she might meet a guy for instance? The only way she may change is if she had reason to.

BertaHoon · 29/01/2023 22:20

Mmm is that a lovely splash of Brut? Said nobody ever.

I think it's a bit much getting involved with her banking, they could close her account and the she'd be stuffed for life.

Just tell her in words first. Face to face.
Then you've done all you can do.

Original poster

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 29/01/2023 23:14

Workbaseddrama · 29/01/2023 22:16

Sounds like she's deeply lonely and is seeking the day to day companionship that clearly these scammers give her. It's really quite sad.

Is there anyway you as friends and family can wrap her up in activities for a few months to form some new habits - join some classes where she might meet a guy for instance? The only way she may change is if she had reason to.

She has social anxiety so won't go out and is partially sighted due to diabetes and she doesn't take care of herself. I've taken her out four times between August and September but when term started I had less time. She's been into reading and calligraphy. I bought her a calligraphy set for Christmas, she's never looked at it.

When I visit her she talks about these fantasy relationships all the time. She's only interested in that and sitting listening to music.

She'll never join anything because she won't go out and she's anxious about talking to people she doesn't know. Which is ironic considering what she shares with complete strangers online and the nature of pictures she sends them.

I've told the admin of the group she met this character from Botswana on. She's talked to her about online safety and got short shrift. She did say she'd engage with her more though, checking in on her.

It's never going to change. I've talked to her. Her sisters have. She lies to us and wants to do what she wants. I don't think I can stand it anymore.

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CruCru · 30/01/2023 11:41

Honestly? I don’t think there’s a whole lot more you can do.

You could try ringing her Bank but, unless you have PoA, they probably won’t give any personal information out.

Original poster

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/01/2023 14:30

CruCru · 30/01/2023 11:41

Honestly? I don’t think there’s a whole lot more you can do.

You could try ringing her Bank but, unless you have PoA, they probably won’t give any personal information out.

No I'm not going to do that. She's going to have to circle the drain herself.

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larchforest · 30/01/2023 14:37

CruCru · 30/01/2023 11:41

Honestly? I don’t think there’s a whole lot more you can do.

You could try ringing her Bank but, unless you have PoA, they probably won’t give any personal information out.

No, they can't give any personal information out, but what they can do is listen to information coming in, and look at her transactions and payment history for themselves. It will probably be plainly obvious what is going on, especially if there have been any unusual payments going out to foreign banks. They can then decide whether something needs to be done.

Original poster

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/01/2023 14:52

larchforest · 30/01/2023 14:37

No, they can't give any personal information out, but what they can do is listen to information coming in, and look at her transactions and payment history for themselves. It will probably be plainly obvious what is going on, especially if there have been any unusual payments going out to foreign banks. They can then decide whether something needs to be done.

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She's not (AFAIK) making payments to these blokes, but she is buying stuff on Amazon and then sending those out to them via Evri. The latest one is a Zulu warrior. Allegedly.

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ShakespearesBlister · 30/01/2023 15:01

I think you may be wrong about him selling the stuff. It's possible these brands will be seen as exclusive in some African countries where fashions have not caught up yet. He is probably just an internet scammer who will be wearing it himself to show off his 'wealth' walking around smelling of what he believes people there will consider expensive toiletries and cologne. As we know, barely anyone here wears Brut anymore. I'm surprised he isn't asking for iPhones or laptops but that may still be on the way.

Yeahrightthen · 30/01/2023 15:37

catalogue model who couldn't zoom because he slipped on the catwalk.

I know I shouldn’t laugh but 😂 😂 😂

Your friend sounds extremely gullible OP - as a friend I would speak to her and tell her your concerns but if she won’t listen what more can you do?

Original poster

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/01/2023 15:43

Yeahrightthen · 30/01/2023 15:37

catalogue model who couldn't zoom because he slipped on the catwalk.

I know I shouldn’t laugh but 😂 😂 😂

Your friend sounds extremely gullible OP - as a friend I would speak to her and tell her your concerns but if she won’t listen what more can you do?

I've been telling her this since early 2021 ...

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Calphurnia88 · 30/01/2023 16:10

What do you say to her when she tells you about the catalogue models and the zulu warriors?

My friends would be telling me very bluntly that they sound like scam artists.

LakeTiticaca · 30/01/2023 16:15

Yanbu but I doubt there's anything more you can do. There is enough in news articles about women being scammed out of 100s of 1000s and I watched a TV programme recently about women being relieved of their life savings by their "lover". I hope she realises before its too late x

Ahhhhhbisto · 30/01/2023 16:38

I don't think you can help her OP. These scammers are masters of manipulation, especially to those who are lonely.

Unfortunately we have had similar with my MIL. The bank were fantastic and at the next opportunity flagged one of the transactions (they were thick and fast by that point) as fraud.

MIL was visited by police and put in touch with action fraud.

Sadly she still spends her time speaking to her "soul mate". Her bank have blocked all transactions so money can be sent but I am sure she will find another way before long.

Ahhhhhbisto · 30/01/2023 16:39

*can't

Original poster

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/01/2023 16:43

Calphurnia88 · 30/01/2023 16:10

What do you say to her when she tells you about the catalogue models and the zulu warriors?

My friends would be telling me very bluntly that they sound like scam artists.

I say exactly that. She goes "hmmm ...." and then gets upset with me so the subject is changed. She knows I think she is a bloody fool, though.

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isthismylifenow · 30/01/2023 16:44

I'm in Southern Africa OP. We can get Brut.

Is she sending actual parcels out to him in Botswana? Is she doing this by courier? Because sending anything via courier is going to cost a fortune. I don't know what Evri is though sorry. Maybe they link up with a local courier ?

I think it's a test, to see if she sends these things, and then next time it will be something of a much higher value. The list seems quite precise , so maybe this is part of the scamming process....see if they get exactly what they 'ordered' without any fuss.

I remember your first post, but I'm not sure what more you can do for this friend. She seems quite vulnerable though, which they will be taking full advantage of sadly.

Lsquiggles · 30/01/2023 16:47

It doesn't sound like she's that bothered whether or not these people are real IMO, this is how she enjoys spending her time and money, she enjoys the attention (manipulation). I think you've done all that you can do, this is a lesson she'll need to learn herself unfortunately.

Original poster

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/01/2023 16:48

isthismylifenow · 30/01/2023 16:44

I'm in Southern Africa OP. We can get Brut.

Is she sending actual parcels out to him in Botswana? Is she doing this by courier? Because sending anything via courier is going to cost a fortune. I don't know what Evri is though sorry. Maybe they link up with a local courier ?

I think it's a test, to see if she sends these things, and then next time it will be something of a much higher value. The list seems quite precise , so maybe this is part of the scamming process....see if they get exactly what they 'ordered' without any fuss.

I remember your first post, but I'm not sure what more you can do for this friend. She seems quite vulnerable though, which they will be taking full advantage of sadly.

Yes she is sending parcels. Evri is a courier service (used to be Hermes). We're based in North Yorkshire.

They were "birthday presents". Costing over £500 in total, including a pair of Emporio Armani trainers. Her birthday is in a few weeks' time, what I wonder will he buy her? A big fat Zero I would guess. I will ask her when the time comes what he sent her.

Why would you spend that on birthday presents for someone you've never met? She thinks he is her boyfriend. I've known her since nursery school and both me and her two sisters got a few quid in a card for our birthdays from her. Not that we want £500 spending on us, but I say that to highlight the stupidity of what she's doing.

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isthismylifenow · 30/01/2023 16:54

The Zulu warrior one is interesting. What did he ask for and to where should those items be sent?

Most Zulu people just have normal jobs, but they will speak Zulu as their language and have some traditions as part of their upbringing. People don't go around saying they are a Zulu warrior for a living. He's probably an accountant or maybe owns and runs a shop etc. He may wear his traditional outfit for a special occasion, but it's not a day job and every day wear. I'm going with his profile pic was most likely along these lines.

I just reread your post and I see your friend is sending out Amazon orders. Even so, the post and packaging of this is probably costing a whack.

isthismylifenow · 30/01/2023 17:01

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/01/2023 16:48

Yes she is sending parcels. Evri is a courier service (used to be Hermes). We're based in North Yorkshire.

They were "birthday presents". Costing over £500 in total, including a pair of Emporio Armani trainers. Her birthday is in a few weeks' time, what I wonder will he buy her? A big fat Zero I would guess. I will ask her when the time comes what he sent her.

Why would you spend that on birthday presents for someone you've never met? She thinks he is her boyfriend. I've known her since nursery school and both me and her two sisters got a few quid in a card for our birthdays from her. Not that we want £500 spending on us, but I say that to highlight the stupidity of what she's doing.

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Yip, Armani trainers , or any designer type shoes / clothing are quite sought after and come at a hefty price. So he will most likely be selling these on. We all know which way this is going. I really hope she does before he completely drains her financially.

Original poster

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/01/2023 17:01

isthismylifenow · 30/01/2023 16:54

The Zulu warrior one is interesting. What did he ask for and to where should those items be sent?

Most Zulu people just have normal jobs, but they will speak Zulu as their language and have some traditions as part of their upbringing. People don't go around saying they are a Zulu warrior for a living. He's probably an accountant or maybe owns and runs a shop etc. He may wear his traditional outfit for a special occasion, but it's not a day job and every day wear. I'm going with his profile pic was most likely along these lines.

I just reread your post and I see your friend is sending out Amazon orders. Even so, the post and packaging of this is probably costing a whack.

@isthismylifenow She's buying the stuff on Amazon, having it delivered to her house and then sending it out via courier.

She says the guy is originally from Zimbabwe, but has to live in Botswana because of the political situation in Zimbabwe, but wanted the items sent to his friend's house in Botswana (the plot thickens doesn't it?). He is also "teaching her to speak Shona".

He asked for:

3 x Brut shower gels
3 x Brut roll on deodorant
2 x Brut aftershave
4 x Brut splash on
6 x Brut body spray
4 x Brut anti perspirant deodorant
1 x Brut cologne
1 x British Sterling cologne

Far too precise a shopping list to be a birthday present suggestion isn't it? Then he asked for the trainers. I photographed the list.

This is just not normal. If she'd met a guy in a bar in Harrogate for example, his birthday came up and he gave her this list wouldn't she smell a rat?

OP posts:

isthismylifenow · 30/01/2023 17:04

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/01/2023 16:48

Yes she is sending parcels. Evri is a courier service (used to be Hermes). We're based in North Yorkshire.

They were "birthday presents". Costing over £500 in total, including a pair of Emporio Armani trainers. Her birthday is in a few weeks' time, what I wonder will he buy her? A big fat Zero I would guess. I will ask her when the time comes what he sent her.

Why would you spend that on birthday presents for someone you've never met? She thinks he is her boyfriend. I've known her since nursery school and both me and her two sisters got a few quid in a card for our birthdays from her. Not that we want £500 spending on us, but I say that to highlight the stupidity of what she's doing.

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His excuse will be that he cannot send her anything for her birthday as we don't have Amazon here, so there is no possible way to get something to her. Or similar.

But here is what I would like for Valentine's Day. And then I'd like this for Easter . Then another birthday will crop up as he forgot about this one he's just faked.

isthismylifenow · 30/01/2023 17:18

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/01/2023 17:01

@isthismylifenow She's buying the stuff on Amazon, having it delivered to her house and then sending it out via courier.

She says the guy is originally from Zimbabwe, but has to live in Botswana because of the political situation in Zimbabwe, but wanted the items sent to his friend's house in Botswana (the plot thickens doesn't it?). He is also "teaching her to speak Shona".

He asked for:

3 x Brut shower gels
3 x Brut roll on deodorant
2 x Brut aftershave
4 x Brut splash on
6 x Brut body spray
4 x Brut anti perspirant deodorant
1 x Brut cologne
1 x British Sterling cologne

Far too precise a shopping list to be a birthday present suggestion isn't it? Then he asked for the trainers. I photographed the list.

This is just not normal. If she'd met a guy in a bar in Harrogate for example, his birthday came up and he gave her this list wouldn't she smell a rat?

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It's likely the order for his shop. Probably has for eg, 10 of each and this is the amount he needs to restock. Why Brut specifically though I am not sure.

She should ask him for a full photo (head to toe) of him wearing the shoes , perhaps a month or so after he gets them. Could put a bet on this that he will not be able to produce one in a hurry.

rubberduckiee · 30/01/2023 17:35

If I were really close to her and concerned, I would stage an intervention like fake a profile/profiles and chat her up for ages to at least make her realise how easy it all is. This may humiliate her, burn bridges and cause shit to hit the fan though so I'd really only do it if I were deeply concerned and desperate family, and not just an extremely good friend