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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I petty not to invite them / her ?

95 replies

ladybugg23 · 24/01/2023 17:29

I've recently (ish) moved to a new area into a small road.

Not long after I moved here with my family, another family also moved onto the road. They are local to the area, we are not. They have two kids. We have two kids. Our oldest DDs are of similar age.

There aren't any other families with young children on our very small street, so I was quite excited that my kids perhaps would have some play mates.

After a while of them moving in, I introduced myself to the mum and we exchanged numbers. I made it clear I would love for our kids to have play dates some time.

After some time went by, I texted the mum. The first time, she couldn't make it. She was nice enough and suggested another time she was free. We met up. All went fine. The kids got on fine. We talked how it would be nice for them to meet up, as we live so close etc

I haven't heard from her since then. I know her DD had a birthday in that time and I've seen bouncy castles and lots of balloons in their garden during the summer a few times. I assume they just didn't want to invite us to play or to the parties.

I haven't heard from her in 7 months or so and we are pretty much neighbours.

So my DD birthday comes around at the beginning of the month. We had a big party and I didn't invite them. I am sure they saw a lot of cars outside etc, it was quite clear.

I did consider inviting them, but I kind of felt like, the ball was in her court if she'd wanted to continue the friendship and they clearly had bouncy castles up for a lot of the summer and could have invited my DDs ( if not for parties, maybe just for a play date ). They clearly chose not to do so, so why should I invite them ?

Just reading it back, I do sound petty. But I just can't be bothered to try with people who don't try back !

OP posts:
Passivhaus · 24/01/2023 17:47

I'd have invited them but resented doing so 😂

KateStev · 24/01/2023 17:48

I’m confused - have they complained about you not inviting hem?

ancientgran · 24/01/2023 17:49

You tried, she's made it pretty obvious she isn't interested so perfectly reasonable not to invite them.

GiltEdges · 24/01/2023 17:50

Why do you think they would have wanted to be invited? They clear don’t want a friendship with you or the mum would have reached out by now. Some people don’t want to make friends with their neighbours, however convenient it might be for you if they did.

Sexypyjamas · 24/01/2023 17:50

ancientgran · 24/01/2023 17:49

You tried, she's made it pretty obvious she isn't interested so perfectly reasonable not to invite them.

This.

ladybugg23 · 24/01/2023 17:52

KateStev · 24/01/2023 17:48

I’m confused - have they complained about you not inviting hem?

No one has complained at all. I have just been thinking about whether I was out of order not to invite them or not. I would usually take the high road and invite them anyway, as I invited other neighbours ( who I do talk to and spend time with regularly ).

OP posts:
ladybugg23 · 24/01/2023 17:53

GiltEdges · 24/01/2023 17:50

Why do you think they would have wanted to be invited? They clear don’t want a friendship with you or the mum would have reached out by now. Some people don’t want to make friends with their neighbours, however convenient it might be for you if they did.

That was how I read the behaviour too.

OP posts:
londonrach · 24/01/2023 17:54

You need to invite them and I think she be shocked at ab invite. Hope your daughter has a lovely birthday

ladybugg23 · 24/01/2023 17:56

Oh I forgot one detail, we did get a Christmas card. But that's been the only contact. I didn't give a Christmas card. I saw the Christmas card when I came back home after having spent Christmas away. Not that it matters, I still don't think they want to be friends.

OP posts:
Habreathmint · 24/01/2023 17:56

Just leave her alone! She's made it very clear she's not interested. I'd be pussed off with an invite. Get the message.

Hankunamatata · 24/01/2023 17:57

Tbh I don't want to be overly friendly with my kids friends parents. When they are old enough to play in the street the kids will decide if they want to be friends.

ladybugg23 · 24/01/2023 17:57

Habreathmint · 24/01/2023 17:56

Just leave her alone! She's made it very clear she's not interested. I'd be pussed off with an invite. Get the message.

I didn't invite them.. party was a few weeks ago now.

OP posts:
GreenWheat · 24/01/2023 18:01

If your DDs haven't played together for several months then I don't think either side would really expect a party invite, especially since her DD wouldn't know anyone else there. If they aren't at the same school and the other mum isn't reciprocating then leave it for now, you did the right thing.

NeedMoMoney · 24/01/2023 18:01

So you met up once in 7 months, did you message her in-between then and now? If so and she kept fobbing you off then that's fair not to invite her.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 24/01/2023 18:04

I think you're way over-thinking this.

She clearly doesn't want to be friends and your children don't have to be friends just because you're neighbours.

GoodChat · 24/01/2023 18:05

She didn't invite you, you didn't invite her, nobody's upset with anyone, stop overthinking.

FetchezLaVache · 24/01/2023 18:06

You don't sound petty at all! Please don't feel you acted badly towards them, they clearly don't want to pursue a friendship between the girls/families, so you were right not to invite them.

itswednesdayy · 24/01/2023 18:07

I’m so confused here. Why do you think she cares or even noticed? She clearly doesn’t want you in her life, so she wouldn’t get offended or think you’re being petty. She doesn’t care.

WimpoleHat · 24/01/2023 18:08

Why would you have invited them? Doesn’t sound like you know them very well or that your DDs are friends.

MaverickGooseGoose · 24/01/2023 18:09

It wouldn't have crossed my mind to invite them tbh, they're neighbours not friends and you can't force it just because you have kids of a similar age.

PollyAmour · 24/01/2023 18:10

We had neighbours like this once, trying to create a friendship between our children and theirs. The children just didn't get on, and it was tricky trying to negotiate our way through, without causing offence. Fortunately for us, they moved away after 18 months so no harm done. You can't make your children like other children just because they live on the same street.

SnackSizeRaisin · 24/01/2023 18:19

If they are local and you aren't then maybe they have enough friends and no time for more. It would be a bit odd to invite a child you hadn't seen for months and barely know to your daughter's party anyway. But if you want to be friends you will probably have to swallow your pride and try again. If not then that's fine too. Neither of you have done anything wrong.

itswednesdayy · 24/01/2023 18:21

I think my next door neighbours had kids a similar age to me - we lived next door the entire time I grew up and we kids never once spoke. Being neighbours doesn’t equal being friends. Personally at that age, I really didn’t like meeting people that didn’t go to the same school as me as I was reserved.

Velvetween · 24/01/2023 18:21

I don’t think she cares. And most likely it’s not got anything to do with you or your family but she’s probably just your average busy person juggling all kinds of crap and struggling to spend quality time with her friends and family, never mind the new neighbours.

Preferfriday · 24/01/2023 18:25

Why are you even thinking about this?