Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I petty not to invite them / her ?

95 replies

ladybugg23 · 24/01/2023 17:29

I've recently (ish) moved to a new area into a small road.

Not long after I moved here with my family, another family also moved onto the road. They are local to the area, we are not. They have two kids. We have two kids. Our oldest DDs are of similar age.

There aren't any other families with young children on our very small street, so I was quite excited that my kids perhaps would have some play mates.

After a while of them moving in, I introduced myself to the mum and we exchanged numbers. I made it clear I would love for our kids to have play dates some time.

After some time went by, I texted the mum. The first time, she couldn't make it. She was nice enough and suggested another time she was free. We met up. All went fine. The kids got on fine. We talked how it would be nice for them to meet up, as we live so close etc

I haven't heard from her since then. I know her DD had a birthday in that time and I've seen bouncy castles and lots of balloons in their garden during the summer a few times. I assume they just didn't want to invite us to play or to the parties.

I haven't heard from her in 7 months or so and we are pretty much neighbours.

So my DD birthday comes around at the beginning of the month. We had a big party and I didn't invite them. I am sure they saw a lot of cars outside etc, it was quite clear.

I did consider inviting them, but I kind of felt like, the ball was in her court if she'd wanted to continue the friendship and they clearly had bouncy castles up for a lot of the summer and could have invited my DDs ( if not for parties, maybe just for a play date ). They clearly chose not to do so, so why should I invite them ?

Just reading it back, I do sound petty. But I just can't be bothered to try with people who don't try back !

OP posts:
Original poster
ladybugg23 · 24/01/2023 19:59

@Coraline353 do you think ? I would worry that she would think it's too full on. Like OMG why won't this person leave me alone?

I don't want to be too pushy / too full on either.

If I see her around, of course I'll be nice to her etc. but I don't want to push people to be friends with me..

OP posts:
Coraline353 · 24/01/2023 20:01

Well you didn't need to be pushy and invite her the next day but after a couple of months you could've just checked in - let's do it again sometime kind of thing

GreenWheat · 25/01/2023 18:25

Just read the update that the kids are 2! This is about a friend for you in that case. I met loads of people with similar aged kids via toddler groups and activities. Some became friends, others casual acquaintances and others I did a couple of coffees with then never saw again. Don't let it occupy much headspace - if you're going to be friends it has to be two way, and sometimes it just isn't.

Moxysright · 25/01/2023 18:30

I think some people just don’t want to be involved with their neighbours. I’m very much this way. Smile and say hi on the way to and from the car etc but that’s as far as it goes. They are just people who live in my road that’s it.

rothbury · 25/01/2023 18:36

Have you moved from north to south? Not trying to stereotype —much— but as a southerner I would not really want to make friends with neighbours beyond a wave/hello. Especially if they thought little kids should be playing out on the street 😂

You haven’t done anything wrong not inviting them, they’re nothing to do with you and are clearly not bothered.

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/01/2023 19:24

ladybugg23 · 24/01/2023 19:32

I reached out to arrange the original play date. So I think it was up to her to reach out if she wanted to see us again.

I don't want to be too pushy with people I don't even know. I did more than enough I think. If she wants a play date or a coffee or whatever, she can reach out.

Show quote history

Here’s the problem

you expected her to message you

she didnt

but you didn’t message her

so she prob cba with you as you didn’t contact her I. The 7or so months

BillyBobsFringe · 25/01/2023 19:40

Of course you don't have to invite someone you've only hung out with once to a party, just because you live on the same street.

You're practically strangers. Why would you be obligated to invite each other?

Upsidedownagain · 25/01/2023 19:52

I don't think there is a right answer here. If you don't want to pursue the friendship because she hasn't shown much interest, then it was fine not to invite her or her children. If you do, you can try again to arrange to meet up.

I doubt very much she feels snubbed since she didn't invite your children to her child's party. She may just be busy, have lots of other friends already or feels her kids have enough friends and there isn't time to fit more in.

Do the children attend the same school / nursery as yours?

Upsidedownagain · 25/01/2023 19:56

Oh I see your eldest is only 2? Then it really wouldn't be necessary to have invited her kids to your dd's party.

If you want to develop a friendship, why not invite her again for a coffee/ playdate? Twice months apart isn't pushy or harassment. Or fall into conversation with her when you see her around and see if shes interested in chatting.

Judgyjudgy · 25/01/2023 19:58

Why are you even thinking about this, it doesn't seem like she's bothered?

Jimboscott0115 · 25/01/2023 20:01

I think you're massively overthinking it and would move on. They didn't invite yours, you didn't invite theirs and there's no friendship to speak of and noone has said anything.

Feels like a none issue to me.

Thereisnolight · 25/01/2023 20:10

Gosh so many nasty replies to someone who is new and would like to meet some friends for her and her child in the area. And yes it would be lovely for her small child to have a friend on the same street.

You sound nice OP. A lot nicer than many on this thread. I don’t think you did anything wrong by not inviting the neighbour. The DC are still so small and it’s probably mostly family going to the parties at this age. But if you were to reach out to her again at some point that would be perfectly fine…in fact, it’s exactly what you should do or how can you know if a friendship might develop or not? Maybe she’s being cautious and taking things slow as you could be living down the road from each other for a long time but you certainly haven’t been pushy or stalking her to date.

If after a few attempts she does show zero interest in perfectly normal friendly overtures then you’ll have to shrug and move on. Hopefully she’s not one of the weirdly unfriendly people on this thread.

Bournetilly · 25/01/2023 20:17

You are overthinking it. I don’t think she cares.

Mamaneedsadrink · 25/01/2023 20:31

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/01/2023 19:24

Here’s the problem

you expected her to message you

she didnt

but you didn’t message her

so she prob cba with you as you didn’t contact her I. The 7or so months

Show quote history

This. If you want your kids to be friends with these kids you have to be a bit proactive. You both seem meh about it, so nothing has happened.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 25/01/2023 21:13

The things people give headspace to.

I can't believe it even crossed your mind tbh.

Zooeyzo · 25/01/2023 21:18

This is a funny thread. Yes yabu for even giving this head space.

maddy68 · 25/01/2023 21:20

Not petty. You are acuaintances not friends

Original poster
ladybugg23 · 25/01/2023 21:21

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 25/01/2023 21:13

The things people give headspace to.

I can't believe it even crossed your mind tbh.

It's really not that weird. Our road only has a few houses and everyone else was invited. I felt it was a bit hostile not to invite. But OK then, I'm a pathetic loser, clearly..

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 25/01/2023 23:00

Not a pathetic loser @ladybugg23 but why on Earth didn't you message the mum in the last 7mths to say

Hi

Fancy trying to meet up again

Do you have any dates better for you

Alwayswonderedwhy · 25/01/2023 23:06

You were trying to force a friendship just because she has kids the same age. Just accept she's not bothered.

Renlea · 25/01/2023 23:09

Just because you're neighbours doesn't mean it will turn into a friendship like other friendships. Sometimes we have had birthday parties that have just been all family, if we invite 1 lot of friends that means we invite all friends, and sometimes we don't want a big party or we want just family. Don't be offended, and you have done nothing wrong doing the same x

Thereisnolight · 26/01/2023 10:02

Alwayswonderedwhy · 25/01/2023 23:06

You were trying to force a friendship just because she has kids the same age. Just accept she's not bothered.

Trying to “force” a friendship - by asking someone if they fancied a play date with their children of the same age living in the same street?

How would you make friends if you and your child moved to a new area then? Or haven’t you ever moved?

Favouritefruits · 26/01/2023 10:13

Your DDs played once and you think they should of invited each other to birthday parties? Maybe they just had family or something you really need to stop overthinking and I’m saying that in a nice way because it’s exactly what I do.

Original poster
ladybugg23 · 26/01/2023 10:29

Favouritefruits · 26/01/2023 10:13

Your DDs played once and you think they should of invited each other to birthday parties? Maybe they just had family or something you really need to stop overthinking and I’m saying that in a nice way because it’s exactly what I do.

I don't think she should have invited my DD to the birthday party. But if she'd wanted to have more contact with us, she could have invited us round at any point. They had a bouncy castle up all summer pretty much. I took that to mean there was no intent to create a friendship on her part.

If I had had a small birthday party for my DD, then it wouldn't even have crossed my mind I should invite her.

The only reason I felt bad about not inviting her was because I had a massive party ( all neighbours came ) and lots of people I had only met once or not at all, came to the party. Like I said, we are new here and trying to make connections. It was a very big party, attended by many people. Some we know well and others are new people we don't know so well. Yet again others were people who we had never met and came along with some of our other guests.

I hope that provides some more context now.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 26/01/2023 11:03

ladybugg23 · 26/01/2023 10:29

I don't think she should have invited my DD to the birthday party. But if she'd wanted to have more contact with us, she could have invited us round at any point. They had a bouncy castle up all summer pretty much. I took that to mean there was no intent to create a friendship on her part.

If I had had a small birthday party for my DD, then it wouldn't even have crossed my mind I should invite her.

The only reason I felt bad about not inviting her was because I had a massive party ( all neighbours came ) and lots of people I had only met once or not at all, came to the party. Like I said, we are new here and trying to make connections. It was a very big party, attended by many people. Some we know well and others are new people we don't know so well. Yet again others were people who we had never met and came along with some of our other guests.

I hope that provides some more context now.

Show quote history

All the neighbours came

apart from the one you wanted

as you didn't invite her