Classing myself a mum during pregnancy ?

[Essexgal2023]

Just interested in others views on this…

I’m almost 7 months pregnant with our first child - a little boy.

I feel like a mummy already. Of course I can’t parent him yet but I’m always talking to him, worrying about him (constantly) and although I haven’t met him - he is my world.

He is a rainbow pregnancy and I have had losses at 8 and 9 weeks. Although they’ll always be my angel babies, I wouldn’t call myself a mum.

A close relative made a comment the other day that me and DH are not a mummy and daddy yet so it’s made me want to ask the question on here - out of curiosity did you feel like a mum before baby is born?

@Tenuouslink i think this Mother’s Day will be bittersweet as would of been my first if twins didn’t miscarriage but also fingers crossed this baby will still be happy growing in me. I know my husband and some friends / family will message me happy Mother’s Day!

Posted too soon - DD is 11 😆

Congratulations after all the problems 💖. You are a mum to be,or pregnant. It's like so many people saying they can drive but have never passed the test,you wouldn't say you were married,if engaged , you would say Bride to be

I remember being totally confused when a nurse in the NICU called me "mum" and my surname - I was about to tell them that my mum wasn't there :) I had a risky pregnancy after miscarriage so didn't allow myself to take anything for granted, but I think in any case, the idea of being a mum took a while to grow on me :) I did realise pretty quickly though that my own name had disappeared - from now I'd become "'s mum" :)

I would probably say mum to be rather than a mum now. But I'm another one who didn't really see herself as a mother until the boys were a bit older.
I think it is a personal thing. If you want to call yourself mum now, then do it. Your relative is a dick for saying anything to you about it in the first place. It was a completely unnecessary comment. Please don't let it, and some of the other comments here, take the shine off.
Congratulations BTW!

I don’t think I thought of myself as a Mum until DD was born (I remember one of the midwives doing something with DD and saying something like ‘right Dad you hold her like this, and Mum can you pass me the blanket’ or something, and it taking a few seconds to click who on earth she was talking about! I think it’s lovely if you feel like a Mum already though, and strictly speaking I think you’re right, your little boy is growing inside you and you ARE his Mum!

I felt like a mum with my first pregnancy, where I miscarried. But I think part of it was that I wasn't expecting to miscarry and had started to think of the future.

Next 3 pregnancies I was more cautious and didn't let my self feel/think ahead too much. I remember a yoga class where the teacher asked us to great our baby (second pregnancy) and it was the sort of permission I needed to feel a bit more connected. Fourth pregnancy I was so numb at the first scan. My friend was with me and she was so happy.

Don't worry. Miscarriage changes how you feel in all the pregnancies afterwards. There is no right or wrong.

This is the weird thing about having two!! You come to think of yourself as say, Simons mum and then when you have another and they call for John's mum you're like oh who's that

A big hug @Essexgal2023 . I can't believe the comment after some PJ's. I think there is something about miscarriage that profoundly changes a woman. You can't fully explain it. My miscarriages count, but there isn't really vocabulary to explain it. You can't mark the moment with other people, you have to mark it by yourself. I don't think it's shame. I think there is just no vocabulary for it. I think rainbow babies is the closest we have to addressing the lack of words to sum it up.

Yes of course you're a mummy hon don't listen to her! 💐 Xx

I would have said you’re a “Mum to be” but if it’s important to you I don’t think it’s a problem.

Yes, you are.

Personally, I didn't feel like that with my first but onto my last child now and definitely feel like I'm a Mum (even discounting the other two!)

I can’t believe people are calling the OP a twat because she’s using a perfectly harmless word to describe herself.

Some people really should have been hugged more as children.

Mine are 6 and 9 and I still sometimes get the feeling that someone else dropped them off at my house to babysit 🤣

What I mean is I catch myself now and again and think “These are mine, I’m raising them and they rely on me” and honestly it still feels surreal at times inbetween the ‘getting on with it’ parts of life

Well, for example, there are signs in the maternity unit toilets where I gave birth that say “mothers, please ensure you dispose of xyz…” and that’s in the antenatal unit so it’s for people who haven’t given birth yet. You’re referred to as a “geriatric mother” from the start of the pregnancy. The “mothers to mothers” initiative is for women who have children to mentor women who are pregnant…

There are loads of times when pregnant women are called “mothers” in a whole host of settings.

OP could be saying things like “as a mum, I think I care more about the environment than I did when I was younger” or “the other mums and I went for a coffee after our antenatal class” etc.

No, I wouldn't class you as a mother now. I'd class you as a pregnant woman.

I personally think you can say you’re a mum before the baby is born. “Mother” as a noun describes simply the relationship between you and your baby.Those parents who experience pregnancy/child loss feel minimised if you can’t be called a mother/father unless you have a living child, which can be very distressing.

I felt like a mum once my firstborn was born however in subsequent pregnancies I felt like my unborn child's mum. I think that was because I had to advocate for my baby's during my pregnancy and I did describe myself as their mum during the pregnancy. There's no right or wrong way to feel.

@DottyLittleRainbow I remember feeling this conflict after my miscarriages. From the moment I got the positive test I felt like a mum, I remember having many scans and the midwife and nurses calling me mum or mother but then when the babies died I got striped of that title.
We had babies name for boy picked out since before ttc and once we found out at 16 weeks we were having a boy he became our son and I feel like his mum.

It is interesting to hear everyone’s opinions and I like hearing both sides. However I do think personally after experiencing loss and having friends who have had stillbirths who are very much I would consider mum and dads!

Stillbirths are very much different from a miscarriage though - including - registering birth, then death, funeral etc.