Classing myself a mum during pregnancy ?

[Essexgal2023]

Just interested in others views on this…

I’m almost 7 months pregnant with our first child - a little boy.

I feel like a mummy already. Of course I can’t parent him yet but I’m always talking to him, worrying about him (constantly) and although I haven’t met him - he is my world.

He is a rainbow pregnancy and I have had losses at 8 and 9 weeks. Although they’ll always be my angel babies, I wouldn’t call myself a mum.

A close relative made a comment the other day that me and DH are not a mummy and daddy yet so it’s made me want to ask the question on here - out of curiosity did you feel like a mum before baby is born?

You are a mum, you would do anything to protect the baby growing inside of you yes? Therefore you are a mum.

You are already helping your little one to survive every day and doing the best for them so you’re a mum in my book!

I had 2 losses at 5 weeks, in my experience I didn’t feel like a mum but I wanted those pregnancies to continue with all my heart so if anyone wants to call them selves a mum at that point too then that’s fine by me!

You can feel like a mum, but I’d probably think you were a bit of a twat if you went about calling you self one before the baby was born?

You aren’t a “mummy“ and your husband is not a “daddy” yet.

You are what is already defined as “expectant parents”.

This post is utterly ridiculous.

Yes. She sounds like a twat.

@berksandbeyond Yes I “feel” like a mum I would say. Obviously once baby is here I will parent him, become more of a mother in that sense

Just wondering why you’d think someone a twat if they called them self a mum before baby born though

She isn’t though. She is an expectant mother. She isn’t a mother until the child is actually born.

Does a woman who is pregnant and give birth to a still born baby not a mother?

Does a woman who looses a baby during pregnancy or once they are born not a mother?

You will do whatever it takes to protect your baby, you feel your baby move, you take your baby everywhere with you. You are a mother

I didn’t with the ones I lost early, but I did with my my two that made it - later on in pregnancy. I suppose at the very least you’re an expectant mum!
It was not acceptable for that person to say that you’re not yet a mum - not at all.
Congratulations on your pregnancy 💐

I just can’t see an example of where you’d call yourself a mum to other people before baby has arrived?

talking to the bump and calling yourself mummy? Lovely

talking about yourself in third person and calling yourself mummy? Weird

You're an expectant mother, which is a mother. Obviously it's a new ballgame when they're out but caring for them in womb is already impacting your life. You are making decisions, such as not drinking much/any alcohol, with their best interests in mind.

Congratulations on your rainbow baby!

I wouldn’t say I was a mother until the day my first was born but it does no one any harm if you see it differently.

@berksandbeyond To be fair I haven’t called myself mummy to anyone else apart from baby boy. I can’t remember how the convo came up, I think I was wearing a maternity nightie that said Mama on and my MIL joked with husband where’s he’s Dada pjs and sister in law said “they’re not mummy/daddy though!”.

I was just curious for others opinions.

My pregnant friends call themselves mums and when I went to hospital for reduced movements (he was fine) the midwife said you’re scaring mummy aren’t you! So feel like everyone has their own opinions I guess

Of course you’re a mum if you feel like one, and what a shitty thing of your relative to say!

You feel who you feel and it's totally up to you.

I personally didn't class myself as a Mother to the babies i lost (because i carried them but, didnt 'mother' them and take care of them long term but, i obviously still refer to them as my baby etc but, i wouldnt class myself as a mother in that sense).

If someone asked me how many children i have, i would say the amount that i gave birth to and survived past newborn.

Yes absolutely - this is also how midwives and medical people speak. They are being lovely. x

I'm glad someone else said this, my son is 14 months old and I've only really just started to feel like a mum in the past month or so.

@Bellaboo01
That's your choice.

Sorry for your loss

Personally I see birth as the start of motherhood. It's the beginning of a relationship between two people in the world, before that you're one entity.

I've always understood rainbow babies to refer to losses later in pregnancy or loss after a child is born tbh. I never viewed my pregnancies as a done deal until 12 weeks because loss before that is so common.

But I don't see why you can't call yourself what you like!

I mean you're a pregnant mum which is lovely and a short and special time in life. Motherhood evolves as your children age and so does your parenting style. It took until my eldest was at primary school before I felt properly 'this is who I am as a mum.' But obviously I was a mother long before that.

I didn’t, but I was young and shell shocked so maybe that was it. I didn’t feel like a mum til he came and was here properly and I had processed it all!

although I dont ever, even now 3 children later, refer to myself as mum or mummy. If I’m in conversation I’ll say ‘my 14 year old does this’ or whatever but I wouldn’t say ‘oh I’m a mum’

if you feel like a mum, be a mum!

@Squamata A rainbow baby is a baby after miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death.

I lost twins last year and it completely devastated me. This baby is definitely a rainbow baby to me. I tried to not let myself bond or love the babies I conceived after my first loss but I did and it still broke me that I lost them.

Thank you for everyones comments!!
I think I will take away from this post that literally every person has their own opinions on when they felt a mum, what they call themselves after loss etc. A woman may call themselves a mum at 4 weeks, some woman may not feel a mum until their child is born and here. Both are valid and it is personal to that person

Our Babies might not be earth side, it doesn't make me or my OH any less of a parent than someone who had a successful pregnancy.

YANBU, I got loads of Mother’s Day bits when pregnant with my first too, so it can’t be that weird

I still get a shock sometimes when I think, blimey, I'm someone's MUM. An actual living, breathing child relies on me (and DH) for everything.