A lot of financially successful women date low earning men?

[Avidnamechange]

Im prepared to be FLAMED!

My friend was ranting to me about the dating pool. She was saying how hard it is to find a man financially equal to her. She said getting dates wasn’t a problem but getting dates with a man earning roughly the same to her was virtually impossible. The guys she does find who earns similar or more tend to go for women who earn significantly less which she didn’t understand. She just wants someone she doesn’t have to constantly subsidise to go on holidays and days out with etc. She said it’s impossible for well earning women to find financial equal partners.

So I thought about it and actually I have noticed that lots of well earning female friends mostly seem to date very low earning men and I wonder why that is?

one of my best friends is a doctor and her fiancé works in a hobby job that doesn’t make much (no kids).

Then my friend since school has grafted her ass off and earns well but works pretty much everyday whilst her DP works a zero hour contract minimum wage job(no kids either).

These lovely women are paying for pretty much everything.

I know it’s anecdotal and people will say ‘that’s your friendship circle blah blah’. So I’ve thought further afield and all the female directors and senior managers at work have very low earning husbands too.

It’s not even a childcare thing as when I look across the successful women I know of, they are a mix of parents and childfree couples.

The higher earning men I know have financially varied partners but if they date a very low earning women then its either because the woman has taken time out to raise kids or the women tend to be very ‘mainstream attractive’. So the stereotypical wealthier older man with younger attractive woman.

But the higher earning women aren’t dating lower earning younger very attractive men. Just everyday blokes.

is it because women tend to just go for who we fall in love with? Or is it harder for high earning women to couple up with financially equal men?

I’ll probably somehow offend someone with this post/question, but I am now curious after my friends rant to see if this is true!

Disclaimer: I am neither high earning or a trophy wife. Just average and pondering.

What do you expect from this post @Avidnamechange - a census? People sharing more anecdotal evidence that could not or could be true, thereby allowing you to plot a trend from 57 replies ?

I find the amount of pocket-watching on Mumsnet staggering. Why are people on here so obsessed with other folk’s financial arrangements?

Good sex? Large appendage? Great personality?

Low self worth and make do with the first person who shows interest and lovebombs?

Lots of reasons, good and bad, why anyone of any earning level may end up with someone.

When we started dating we had very similar salaries. My income rose significantly when we'd been together about 7 years, presumably I should have dumped him at this point?

She said getting dates wasn’t a problem but getting dates with a man earning roughly the same to her was virtually impossible. The guys she does find who earns similar or more tend to go for women who earn significantly less which she didn’t understand.
is it because women tend to just go for who we fall in love with?

Literally makes no sense if high earning men also apparently go for low earning partners.

I would say your friend’s problem is likely that she obsesses over her and her dates salary only a few dates in.

Surely it’s just statistics? There are relatively few high earners, therefor a greater proportion of the dating pool earn less than your high-earning friends, therefore more statistically likely that their perfect romantic match will come from the wider pool of lower earners, than the smaller pool of high earners.

I used to earn the same as my partner, more or less.

I've now been promoted and earn 3x what he does.

Should I dump him?

Your post is spot on with me and my siblings.

Oddly none of my brothers are divorced.

I guess it is because they have emotional intelligence and also know their worth in life isn't linked to their pay packet.

@user143677433 I was about to say the same. If you were in the top 20% of earners then statistically 4 out of 5 dates would be with someone earning less. 🤷 Isn't it just statistics.

It's not the money it's the personality.

Focusing on money is missing the point..

Suggest your friends widen their dating pool and keep more of an open mind!

According to the OP you should have done.

My SILs should have all divorced my brothers when they out earned them.

My mother and I always had more money than our husbands/partners and it bred huge resentment with men.

Possibly also the case that high earning men either consciously or unconsciously go for someone they think will support their career at the expense of theirs whereas women don’t have this mindset because fewer lower earning men choose to be SAHP.

I am a high earner because DH is a fantastic stay at home dad and I have been able to progress fast and far in my career despite also having kids.

I wonder if this is what you are seeing? Men who have facilitated their wives careers? Rather like women often end up lower earners due to facilitating their partner’s careers.

No idea if this is a widespread trend but thinking of my friends, they’re a mix of the woman earning more, the man earning more, or both around the same. Middle class London media types mainly. Personally, posh finance men give me the ick, I like arty creative men. My partner is a full time musician. He earns less than me but we split most costs as equally as possible. We don’t live together, but he cooks and does chores whenever he comes over. I’ve paid upfront for an expensive holiday but he’s going to pay his half in instalments. I like being the higher earner, makes me feel powerful lol. Plus, I absolutely hate cooking and domestic stuff so it suits me to have him doing the bulk of that. We won’t be having kids but we’ve joked about him being a stay at home dog dad

With some men.

My brothers make jokes to me about being kept men. Except they work.

Not in my experience OP. High earning women typically get together with high earning men.

Isn't it more that there's often only room for one "big" ego job.

Where I work we have a leadership team of six people 50/50 men and women. They all have partners earning significantly less.

Are you mates with the woman who's a homeowner and ditched her fella for GASP living in a flat share ?

I've been with my OH for 20 years (eek!) since we were both low-earning students / recent grads and our salaries have grown more or less in tandem with each other's, but my single / divorced female friends who are either still or back in the game have noted this.

There's a lot of high-value women out there and a distinct lack of similarly high-value men, it would appear.

(I work in an industry where six-figure salaries or very close to are the norm, btw.)

Personally I didn't need to worry about finding someone on a high wage so picked someone who brought out the best in me. I think you find the luxury of not needing to worry about how much they earn means they can pick someone they actually like.

Could it be that women who have earning power can now make the choice to be the breadwinner?

They can provide their own financial security, so in look for other skills and qualities in their partners, not just their salary?

My partner used to earn more than me, but I now earn more than him. These things can change over time too.

Does your friend live a lavish lifestyle that would be hard to keep up with? Child free people on professional salaries can usually afford holidays and days out. Seems a bit of a non issue to me.

My partner earns significantly less than me. However, he bought a house and had kids younger than me, so his mortgage is paid off and his kids are independent adults. I still have a big mortgage and kids at school. So our available finances balance out. I think had we met pre kids it could potentially have been tricky, in that the things we could afford to do would be very different.

Work life balance?

many high earners put a lot of hours into work.

two high earners in a relationship must be quite difficult. Both working long hours, likely stressful jobs, hard to take time off etc.

maybe it just works better dating a lower earner who has a bit more leisure time, isn’t as stressed over work, can be at home when you get in etc.

Because he's good looking and satisfies her in bed.
Guys in her earning bracket usually want what she doesn't have: a woman who is attractive, young and gives him all her time and attention. Another career person in the dynamic that can't drop everything to be with him as and when and to travel with him, her schedule competing with his, just would not work...and I think men deep down like to be the ones providing. It takes a more evolved man to accept being a stay at home dad for example.