A lot of financially successful women date low earning men?

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Im prepared to be FLAMED!

My friend was ranting to me about the dating pool. She was saying how hard it is to find a man financially equal to her. She said getting dates wasn’t a problem but getting dates with a man earning roughly the same to her was virtually impossible. The guys she does find who earns similar or more tend to go for women who earn significantly less which she didn’t understand. She just wants someone she doesn’t have to constantly subsidise to go on holidays and days out with etc. She said it’s impossible for well earning women to find financial equal partners.

So I thought about it and actually I have noticed that lots of well earning female friends mostly seem to date very low earning men and I wonder why that is?

one of my best friends is a doctor and her fiancé works in a hobby job that doesn’t make much (no kids).

Then my friend since school has grafted her ass off and earns well but works pretty much everyday whilst her DP works a zero hour contract minimum wage job(no kids either).

These lovely women are paying for pretty much everything.

I know it’s anecdotal and people will say ‘that’s your friendship circle blah blah’. So I’ve thought further afield and all the female directors and senior managers at work have very low earning husbands too.

It’s not even a childcare thing as when I look across the successful women I know of, they are a mix of parents and childfree couples.

The higher earning men I know have financially varied partners but if they date a very low earning women then its either because the woman has taken time out to raise kids or the women tend to be very ‘mainstream attractive’. So the stereotypical wealthier older man with younger attractive woman.

But the higher earning women aren’t dating lower earning younger very attractive men. Just everyday blokes.

is it because women tend to just go for who we fall in love with? Or is it harder for high earning women to couple up with financially equal men?

I’ll probably somehow offend someone with this post/question, but I am now curious after my friends rant to see if this is true!

Disclaimer: I am neither high earning or a trophy wife. Just average and pondering.

@Cileymyrus

they want a support system, not an equal partner.
I also think for men there’s an element of financial control. A lower earning woman is less likely to leave them, they can control spending- not always in an abusive way, sometimes it can be more about managing spending.

Totally.

Generally (and with all the usual NAMALT caveats) the kind of men who are very financially driven are pretty threatened by the idea of a woman who out-earns them. They want to run the show and set the agenda and a woman with too much financial independence and control doesn't fit this worldview.

I've come across this again and again and tbh this is why I've largely excluded men like this from the dating pool. I can't be bothered wrestling with someone's predetermined idea of where I fit into their life.

Men who are self-sustaining but less financially motivated tend to be less controlling about this, in part because they care less about it.

I may have the exception that proves the rule.

I earn more than double what my husband does. He is self employed in what many would say is a "hobby job". However he absolutely does pull his weight.

When we met we earned similar amounts but since I have gained professional qualifications and increased my earnings. He has given up his job to concentrate on the small business he was running on the side when we met.

He works long hours, and while it is very flexible he rarely has a day completely off. He's answering messages and updating his business pages on social media even when on holiday. He's regularly working evenings and weekends. It is just low profit business unless you get a big break, there are some people in his industry earning millions but most barely scrape a living. He's insanely talented and I love enabling him to do what he is good at and would love him to get the recognition he deserves.

He also picks up his share of the wife work, doing all of the cleaning and gardening. We have a decent split of who does what and I don't have to tell him what to do or prompt him.

He contributes to costs, but obviously not on an equal footing across everything.

I don't consider myself to be subsidising him. He has his own assets, while I earn more he was able to buy a house when prices were lower and has a small defined benefit pension.

@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon

Thats a really critical factor. I earn three times what my current partner earns and I am happy to pay a greater share of outgoings relative to him but the big trade off is that I am not carrying him domestically. That was a red line from the word go.

I don’t mind the fact that he earns less than me (as long as he earns something) but I would mind it a lot of he assumed that I would also do the lions share of the domestic work and life admin.

Surely a large part of this is just statistics? As you go up the earnings scale there are just simply fewer and fewer people (men or women) and as I suspect that the average age of people goes up as their earnings go up so will the likelihood of them being single go down. You then times that by two for both a financially successful man and woman both matching on a dating app (for example) and you can see how the likelihood decreases.

That’s my thought too.

Honestly yes in my relationship this is the case. We don’t even live together but he does all the cooking (he cooks whenever he’s here which is about 4 times a week, and often cooks big portions so I have some left over). He dog sits while I go out with friends and helps me clean my flat. Everything indicates that if we do live together at some point he will do more domestic tasks as he has more free time around his work. I don’t mind paying upfront for holidays and him paying me back in instalments, it benefits me for him to come on holidays with me so I’ve got someone to share it with

Probably because the high earner can afford to date who they wish, and so they choose a partner based on the qualities that are important to them, not finances!

Time is also a significant part of it - high earners typically work long hours under a lot of pressure. Two high earners in this scenario simply wouldn’t have enough time (or emotional bandwidth) for each other.

I think it’s great that women can now afford to choose a partner who adds to their life, instead of having to settle for someone substandard because they need the financial security. Money is freedom!