To insist she uses the plastic plates/cups?

[TinyArsePhone]

DNiece, daughter of BIL and SIL, is 2.6. My own DC are older, between 9 and 20 now, so it's been a while since I had much to do with toddlers, but DN is definitely at the higher needs end of things and is quite the stropper when things don't do her way. No judgement attached to this, one of mine was similar in fact much worse and I do genuinely like SIL and BIL before I'm accused of hating them!

SIL has had a hard time since having DN and we have a standing arrangement that the two of them come round one morning a week for a cuppa and dog walk, and often we have lunch too.

DN chucks plates and cups. Reliably and predictably. If she doesn't like the food, or has finished her drink, or wants her mum's food instead - BOOM the nearest thing to hand is flying across the room. For this reason, I give her plastic plate and cups (my DC old toddler ones, not disposable ones!). SIL is always a bit sniffy about it and if she gets there first, she gives DN a china plate and an actual glass and then delivers a short lecture on how "you're a big girl now so I'm trusting you to be sensible because these can break if you throw them so we have to be really careful" etc etc.

Last time, I actually took them away and replaced them with plastic ones and SIL looked at me like At home they just shrug and resign themselves to everything being broken but I cba with that, I like my plates and glasses! SIL actually complained to me a few weeks ago that over Christmas all 4 of her best wine glasses had been broken by DN but just doesn't seem to think it's a big enough deal to stop her being able to get at them. They think the only way she will learn is to keep using them and "seeing the consequence" of throwing them.

Anyway, AIBU and a bit precious to only let DN use plastic stuff in my house? BIL and SIL seem to think I've just forgotten what it's like to have a toddler and that I'm a bit grumpy these days, but I do remember and I was exactly the same with my own toddlers when I had them!

To actually soundsa bit dangerous... broken glass can get everywhere.

Get your DN a special set of plastic stuff with her favourite character.

Tell your SIL that if she wants DN to have china/glass implements then she needs to bring her own, otherwise it’s plastic.

Oh that's a good idea thanks, ours are just generic non character ones so I could look out for some with Peppa Pig and make them her special ones for my house.

And no, not precious at all.

No you're not, your house, your rules! I wouldn't a) want my stuff broken b) want to be cleaning up broken plates/glass.

she might be ' a big girl' but until she acts like one, she can have the plastic stuff!

SIL doesn't like it, she can take Madam home for her lunch.

no need to buy more plastic, you have plenty!!

Baffling she’d rather your cups smashed and you picking up glass than discipline the little shit niece. Most people would be mortified.

She’s an idiot. Who expects reason from a toddler?

I still give my 6 year old plastic plates and cups because half the time they get knocked over. No you're not being unreasonable.

Any consequences to smashing things? Doesn’t sound like it. Plastic it is.

Im pretty sure all of mine were still using plastic plates and cups till age 5 or 6, possibly age 8 with cups!

That's harsh, I wouldn't say DN is a little shit, she's just...active...and stroppy... and unreasonable...like toddlers tend to be!

I know what it's like having a toddler that's hard work as I had one once (now diagnosed with ADHD and ASD), and I'm very sympathetic, but I'm just not up for my crockery being wanged at the wall on a weekly basis.

I wouldn't say DN is a little shit, she's just...active...and stroppy... and unreasonable...like toddlers tend to be!

It isn’t normally behaviour at 2.5 to be repeatedly throwing cups and plates so that they smash. I’ve known many “active”, “stroppy” and “unreasonable” toddlers who managed not to do it. Don’t make excuses for her, as her parents evidently do already.

It's not really her right to sacrifice your tableware to her daughter's moods.

No way would I let a two year old just throw glasses, it’s incredibly dangerous for a start. She’s probably quite enjoying “seeing the consequences” of things smashing (given at two she’s got no concept of danger and she’s not clearing it up) and I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. Plus I’d make her help clean up and that’s not possible if there’s shards of glass/plate everywhere. She’d get a plastic plate and a plastic lidded cup from me, and SIL would be asked to respect my home and my belongings.

Normal*

Neice is clearly not ready for china and glass, particularly not other people's! I get what SIL is trying to do, but she needs to wait til her DD is older.

Don't you think this is a bit much?

Mine were still using plastic plates until they were about 6&8. I put the plastic beakers in the picnic pile last summer - they were 10&12😂

If sil wants her to use China and glasses ask her to provide them. You can keep them at your house, then when they are broken she can replace

SIL just kind of sighs and says "oh [deeee ennnnn] look it's broken now, that was a bit naughty wasn't it" and looks a bit defeated. BIL has been known to shout once or twice but I see SIL more without him so I don't know what he usually does. But neither of them do anything to prevent it, that's the frustrating bit to me. DN is their PFB in case you hadn't guessed and will probably be their only child for reasons that I won't go into, so I think there's an element of feeling like they should always be overjoyed and feel lucky to have her if that makes sense.

YANBU. Her parents sound spectacularly thick.

No way! Make her use the plastic ones until she learns to behave.
Yes toddlers can have accidents and things get broken, but there is a difference between something getting dropped/pushed off a table and a kid refusing to accept NO and throwing things about. If SIL doesn't like it, she can learn to parent!

I wouldn't trust DP with China, let alone a rowdy toddler!

Does SIL not realise that smashing things is actually a lot of fun if there’s no concept of danger, money, waste or having to clear up? “Seeing the consequence” is probably a lot of fun for DN. People actually pay money for the experience.

YANBU. I’d point out to her that you don’t want your things broken. I’d say it as bluntly as “DN smashes things on purpose and I don’t want my things smashed”.