To insist she uses the plastic plates/cups?

[TinyArsePhone]

DNiece, daughter of BIL and SIL, is 2.6. My own DC are older, between 9 and 20 now, so it's been a while since I had much to do with toddlers, but DN is definitely at the higher needs end of things and is quite the stropper when things don't do her way. No judgement attached to this, one of mine was similar in fact much worse and I do genuinely like SIL and BIL before I'm accused of hating them!

SIL has had a hard time since having DN and we have a standing arrangement that the two of them come round one morning a week for a cuppa and dog walk, and often we have lunch too.

DN chucks plates and cups. Reliably and predictably. If she doesn't like the food, or has finished her drink, or wants her mum's food instead - BOOM the nearest thing to hand is flying across the room. For this reason, I give her plastic plate and cups (my DC old toddler ones, not disposable ones!). SIL is always a bit sniffy about it and if she gets there first, she gives DN a china plate and an actual glass and then delivers a short lecture on how "you're a big girl now so I'm trusting you to be sensible because these can break if you throw them so we have to be really careful" etc etc.

Last time, I actually took them away and replaced them with plastic ones and SIL looked at me like At home they just shrug and resign themselves to everything being broken but I cba with that, I like my plates and glasses! SIL actually complained to me a few weeks ago that over Christmas all 4 of her best wine glasses had been broken by DN but just doesn't seem to think it's a big enough deal to stop her being able to get at them. They think the only way she will learn is to keep using them and "seeing the consequence" of throwing them.

Anyway, AIBU and a bit precious to only let DN use plastic stuff in my house? BIL and SIL seem to think I've just forgotten what it's like to have a toddler and that I'm a bit grumpy these days, but I do remember and I was exactly the same with my own toddlers when I had them!

This! Fine for SIL to trust her with her own things, but not yours. That's incredibly rude!

There's this about montessori china plates
www.howwemontessori.com/how-we-montessori/2016/06/why-we-use-real-plates-bowls-and-cups.html
And this
www.littleorchardmontessori.co.uk/post/young-children-using-china-and-glass

I think you'd use sturdy, on special plates, emphasise to the kids they're breakable and need to be careful, I'm pretty sure they'd be used at child height tables too rather than a full size tablewith a higher drop. Both those pages emphasise using non-expensive plates and getting the children to clear up breakages themselves.

I think a Montessori practitioner would probably say your plates matter to you so that should be respected? Maybe you and sil could read up on it a bit more and take a different approach, eg she buys a load of cheap plates and the kid clears up if she breaks them?

I would be furious about this. Glass and china shards are dangerous and sometimes it’s not quick to get them all up. Want them in your feet or any pets’ feet? What a terrible attitude from your sil. My plates are more than 30 years old - had them ages, nothing wrong with them - but I’d be angry if they were smashed on a whim, rather than smashed in a genuine accident.