To insist she uses the plastic plates/cups?

[TinyArsePhone]

DNiece, daughter of BIL and SIL, is 2.6. My own DC are older, between 9 and 20 now, so it's been a while since I had much to do with toddlers, but DN is definitely at the higher needs end of things and is quite the stropper when things don't do her way. No judgement attached to this, one of mine was similar in fact much worse and I do genuinely like SIL and BIL before I'm accused of hating them!

SIL has had a hard time since having DN and we have a standing arrangement that the two of them come round one morning a week for a cuppa and dog walk, and often we have lunch too.

DN chucks plates and cups. Reliably and predictably. If she doesn't like the food, or has finished her drink, or wants her mum's food instead - BOOM the nearest thing to hand is flying across the room. For this reason, I give her plastic plate and cups (my DC old toddler ones, not disposable ones!). SIL is always a bit sniffy about it and if she gets there first, she gives DN a china plate and an actual glass and then delivers a short lecture on how "you're a big girl now so I'm trusting you to be sensible because these can break if you throw them so we have to be really careful" etc etc.

Last time, I actually took them away and replaced them with plastic ones and SIL looked at me like At home they just shrug and resign themselves to everything being broken but I cba with that, I like my plates and glasses! SIL actually complained to me a few weeks ago that over Christmas all 4 of her best wine glasses had been broken by DN but just doesn't seem to think it's a big enough deal to stop her being able to get at them. They think the only way she will learn is to keep using them and "seeing the consequence" of throwing them.

Anyway, AIBU and a bit precious to only let DN use plastic stuff in my house? BIL and SIL seem to think I've just forgotten what it's like to have a toddler and that I'm a bit grumpy these days, but I do remember and I was exactly the same with my own toddlers when I had them!

Of course not but is it really hard to say to you sil that if she breaks a plate you are replacing it? Also your house your rules. I wouldn't give my niece a proper plate yet nor would I my own 16 month old as she chucks stuff for fun. I rather like my dinner sets intact.

Sounds like at least one of you has a dog. Will no one think of the pets...?? 🐾😩

The child may not be a, "Lttle Shit", but it sounds like her mother is!

I got a Disney princesses set of matching plastic, plate and cutlery for DGD, aged 4; and a Peppa Pig set for DGS, aged 2. I also have a set of gold looking cake forks. Sometimes I give DGD one, telling her it’s a princesses’ fork. Afaik, they love them! I wouldn’t dream of giving a toddler a glass - I’m sure, we gave a glass to one of toddler DC, because it was Hobson’s choice, in a pub or restaurant; and they bit the glass! Never again!

We also have another rule in grandma’s house - no throwing! It takes some time to absorb, but young children learn these rules eventually and life is much simpler, in the long run! Young children understand the word “No” quite easily.

Why can't people answer the very sweet, light-hearted question without piling into a small child...

Your house, your rules.

SIL has a long and rocky road ahead, 18 years of the princess brat from hell.

Ask your SIL to bring her own china/glasses with her to your house. Tell her to bring spares in case they are broken.

I know a toddler who picked up a wine glass off the table, broke it, tried to drink from it and seriously sliced his lip which left a permanent scar. Could have been an eye.
I can't see why you can't say to your SIL, DN can have china when she stops breaking it and not before. Its just dangerous.
And if she puts out china before you get there. Swap it at once. Good luck.

I still give my 5 year old DGS plastic plates/cups - not because he's likely to launch them, but just because he's 5 and accidents happen 🤷🏻‍♀️

I will continue to insist, don't worry. I just was starting to wonder if I was being a precious dick about it, as SIL looks so...affronted that I think her pfb is a bit of a savage young for china plates

Incredibly irresponsible behaviour to allow a toddler to throw and break glass. What if a shard went in her eye? Definitely use plastic !

My dsis gives gas always given my niece and nephews China plates and real glasses. TBF to her, there have been very few breakages over the years but I don't like the risk.
I don't have any dc so years ago I bought eldest nephew 2 plastic sets (plate, dish, cup, cutlery). He loved them because of the novelty, and they've now been used by niece, youngest nephew and various friends children over the years. It doesn't need to be an issue - the kids all know if you go to Auntie Gaffers, she'll spoil you and sing Disney songs with the wrong words and your dinner will appear on a plastic plate.

Your SIL is being silly, just ignore and continue with the plastic.

I would stick withthe plastic and address it with your SIL that this is what is going to happen in your house - and if she doesnt like it she doesnt have to stay for lunch. She has to be realisitic at 2 crockery and glass is not safe unless really really supervised. I like the idea of getting her her own set with her own picture but thats clearly up to you! My own kids had plastic until they were sensible - and the plastic is still in use in our house (kids 10/13) for snacks etc that end up upstairs or somewhere else not safe.

I give my 4.5 year old plastic!

YADNBU. If they want to give her Chinese plates and glasses in their own house then fair enough but you are well within your rights to insist on plastic instead of having your belongings smashed. And your SIL should respect that. Has she offered to pay for items that have been smashed?

My 11.5 and 10.5 yos still use plastic bowls, as do I (for snacks only admittedly)!!

Have you ever asked if they've considered reacting before she breaks things rather than after?

We still use the plastic plates my children used to have, the youngest is now 22yrs. They are the perfect size for toast or sandwiches. Your SIL is being a bit of a snob/cf. Has she replaced any of your broken things?

Also another pp made a valid comment. It can be very difficult to clean up the small slithers of glass properly and you have a dog. Tell SIL its for the dogs health and wellbeing as it would cost a lot in vet fees to remove glass from its paws, nevermind the pain for the poor dog.

Reminds me of when my grandmother gave my then two year old a box of stuff to play with. It was a box of small china bits and pieces. I didn't know until my cousin told me, and told me because a china chip had scratched her face.

Your SIL sounds annoying. Toddlers use unbreakable items. Anything else is just pure stupidity.

Bloody hell ds has not long turned 11 and he’s been using a glass now pretty much since he was 10. I still get a bit twitchy as he’s a bit of a clumsy oaf 😂🙈
I still have plastic cups/plates in the cupboard for when friends/family come round with little dc, no way am I trusting them with my nice glasses, small children have accidents frequently, it’s how they learn. That’s without the wilful throwing of them!
I’d buy her her own special character set as it’s a regular thing that she comes round, see how she gets on with those.

YADNBU.

And the world has gone mad when people put up with this behaviour from their kids!

My children went to a nursery that did all china plates and cups, gave toddlers free access to scissors etc. They had pound shop Winnie the Pooh china plates at home at this age, which all survived until very much outgrown.

I think your sister is being very rude and self-absorbed and I can see why you don't want to cave. However if you want to keep the peace then a chunky china plate and glass for her from a pound shop or The Range would fix it and save your china. Maybe say to your sister that she is welcome to china until something breaks but if it does, then she's to switch to plastic for safety.