To insist she uses the plastic plates/cups?

[TinyArsePhone]

DNiece, daughter of BIL and SIL, is 2.6. My own DC are older, between 9 and 20 now, so it's been a while since I had much to do with toddlers, but DN is definitely at the higher needs end of things and is quite the stropper when things don't do her way. No judgement attached to this, one of mine was similar in fact much worse and I do genuinely like SIL and BIL before I'm accused of hating them!

SIL has had a hard time since having DN and we have a standing arrangement that the two of them come round one morning a week for a cuppa and dog walk, and often we have lunch too.

DN chucks plates and cups. Reliably and predictably. If she doesn't like the food, or has finished her drink, or wants her mum's food instead - BOOM the nearest thing to hand is flying across the room. For this reason, I give her plastic plate and cups (my DC old toddler ones, not disposable ones!). SIL is always a bit sniffy about it and if she gets there first, she gives DN a china plate and an actual glass and then delivers a short lecture on how "you're a big girl now so I'm trusting you to be sensible because these can break if you throw them so we have to be really careful" etc etc.

Last time, I actually took them away and replaced them with plastic ones and SIL looked at me like At home they just shrug and resign themselves to everything being broken but I cba with that, I like my plates and glasses! SIL actually complained to me a few weeks ago that over Christmas all 4 of her best wine glasses had been broken by DN but just doesn't seem to think it's a big enough deal to stop her being able to get at them. They think the only way she will learn is to keep using them and "seeing the consequence" of throwing them.

Anyway, AIBU and a bit precious to only let DN use plastic stuff in my house? BIL and SIL seem to think I've just forgotten what it's like to have a toddler and that I'm a bit grumpy these days, but I do remember and I was exactly the same with my own toddlers when I had them!

Your SIL sounds bonkers. My toddler is 2+6 and she's never thrown a plate in her life, but she still gets plastic because accidents happen! Even if your SIL supplied the glass/china, you'd still have broken bits all over your floor that would inevitably be picked up by a toe/paw in a day or two. I'd stick with the plastic!

I still give my kids plastic plates at 8 and 10 for small things like biscuits etc, and I'll use them myself if I'm being lazy as they're easier to reach in the cupboard 😁

She's still a toddler, tbh I doubt I used to use anything other than plastic plates and cups when mine were that age

100% YANBU at the moment.

Personally, I would never give a 2 yr old a glass, even if they were the most angelic or passive child ever.
Mine all used plastic cups, then moving on to sports bottles until they were well into Primary school age.

Your SiL is bonkers.
Your only answer is 'my house, my rules'

YANBU your house is not a greek taverna, plastic til she's reliable for at least 3 months. How her parents are just accepting this is mind boggling

We Still mostly use plastic in my house with DC 13 and 10 !... dyspraxia and ADHD wreaks havoc with anything breakable..... DS broke a glass in his mouth the other day chewing on it as he was distracted and forgot what it was !

This is the advert MN is showing me, the internet obviously thinks you are being completely reasonable!

Well this is it, DN thinks it's great. Everything goes everywhere. There's a big old noise. What's not to like? She's 2, she doesn't give a hoot if it's "broken", it's a bit meaningless to her still and plates have no value to her!

🤣 and there I was thinking it was the first time is ever seen a unanimous YANBU vote on MN

I'd get some nice (non breakable) plates just for her. I'd consider suction plates or bowls so she can't chuck them.

Also kids drink bottle with straw so can't spill drink either

SIL is CF. Does she offer to pay for replacement crockery her kid has smashed?
In my house it would be plastic plates and cups or they don't come again

Even with a real good, quiet toddler I'd never give them glass or ceramic. They get distracted so easily for an accident to happen, not to mention purposeful throwing. Melamine kids dishwear with characters - at 10/13 mine still had them for cold snacks or lunch

Just this.

You could say if she wants her to use china and glass can she bring them with her.

The consequence of breaking china ones should be that she has to use platic ones. Not that she gets another china one to break. FFS. Choose the consequence that teaches the child something.

The thing with "let her bring her own china and glass with her" is that there's still smashed glass all over op's house. It's a right pain in the arse to clear up glass that's been dropped from a height, it gets everywhere.
Why on earth would op indulge SIL in this nonsense?

And clean it up? And pay for any damages?

I think there's a montessori approach where you give small children glass and china etc with the idea they can be trusted with potentially dangerous things if shown how to use them carefully and given a sense of responsibility. The same approach let's small children use hammers and saws etc.

But it's done carefully and with the right preparation, not just 'smash this and it'll be fine'

I really can’t imagine this happening are kids really indulged in this way? Throwing glass around, the mind boggles 🤔

Of course YANBU. Your SIL is being ridiculous!

Don't buy plastic though - you can buy wooden or bamboo sets for kids that are lovely but a bit better for the environment.

Oh yes this makes sense, they go to a toddler group at the local Montessori school and I think they want her to go to the nursery there when she turns 3. I don't know much about it, what I've heard/seen sounds rather sensible and child friendly but I imagine it isn't meant to be implemented quite like this?!

My 9 and 11 year old still use plastic plates and cups most of the time but it’s their own preference, I even tend to grab their plastic ones as I’m incredibly clumsy, literally nothing is safe around me! 😂

if she gets there first, she gives DN a china plate and an actual glass and then delivers a short lecture on how "you're a big girl now so I'm trusting you to be sensible because these can break if you throw them so we have to be really careful" etc etc.

I would be tempted (passive-aggressively) to add the following whenever she says this: "...and TinyArsePhone will be really upset if you break the plate and glass because they're mine and I like them, and it will cost your mummy lots of time and money to replace them. Because nice parents replace things that their children break so that they don't make people sad".

If your ds sneakily gives her dd glass, she is the one cleaning it up and paying for the replacement. Not a cheap replacement either. A proper one that you had.

That way, she gets the consequences of knowing that sometimes, children need plastic items

Of course YANBU.

You just say "You can do what you like in your house. In MY house we do it my way."

And, if you really wanted to hammer the message home...
"Children get plastic plates until they learn not to throw things around."