Comparing heights of children

[Led92]

I have a mum friend who often mentions her kids’ heights when they happen to be taller than mine at the time. Like oh is James taller than Ben now? Oh yes look he is. And with our girls as well. I don’t get it. My DD is taller than hers now I think and suddenly it’s not mentioned.

She herself is quite tall but within normal range.
My sister is 5ft10 and often mentions her height. I’m not that much smaller than her.

aibu it really doesn’t matter if kids are taller or shorter unless you think there’s an actual medical problem?!!! Not sure why she keeps mentioning it.

It's no issue at all as a point of small talk, of course not. It's the relentless mentioning at OP that's frustrating (and then not mentioning it when her DC isn't the tallest anymore) and the weird bragging as if it's an achievement. You'll also see comments on here like "my DS was a fussy eater and only had chicken nuggets but he's the tallest in his class" or "my DD never did an extracurricular sport and she's the tallest in her friendship group" like, "so?! It's not an indicator of health!!". People genuinely believe taller children are healthier.

Like this thread, for example: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1432219-to-think-this-isnt-that-bad-a-diet-for-ds-2-9-had-row-with-DM

"That's a more varied diet than my picky 4 year old. Who is the second tallest in his class and one big muscle."

Or this one: www.mumsnet.com/talk/behaviour_development/236845-5-year-old-fussy-eater-at-my-wits-end

"he is now 12, takes a size 11 (yes-an adult size 11,)shoe, is one of the tallest in his year (of 250 kids)"
"I worried about it until my uncle told me his godson (know 18) only ate yoghurt, bananas & milk until he was 12. One day my uncle was round for lunch tucking into a sunday roast and his godson decided to join in and has never looked back. No health issues, tall, fit, healthy, eats anything and everything now."

It's as if tall people actually walk through life believing they're tall because they made better choices and that their DC are taller because they're better parents.

It's as if tall people actually walk through life believing they're tall because they made better choices and that their DC are taller because they're better parents.

But as @SkankingWombat’s post has shown, this can be true

At that age it's often protective as someone else said - one of my 3 has always been tallish (now 6 ft 1 at 15 though as a pre and early teen he was fairly average as he wasn't early starting puberty).

He was very tall and broad shouldered for his age as a toddler and preschooler (taller than his 2 years older sibling from the age of 2.5 until they were 8 and 10).

Other parents used to make horrible "stage whispered" comments about him being in the under 6 section at soft play when he wasn't even quite 4 - doubly vicious as he was a very gentle child and often only in there "looking after" / playing with his then baby brother! Often their physically small children were the ones shoving or trampling over the babies and littler toddlers without their parents saying a word. The same happened when his team played football against other teams - parents on the other team would loudly make comments to one another about him being a ringer and"no way he's under 6" when he'd only just turned 5.

On the other hand the only acquaintance I have who is competitive about hight has average sized children whom she's convinced are both significantly taller than they actually are and who's gigantic heights she mentions every time she talks about them - I think she has hang ups having had an undiagnosed (or rather very late diagnosed) health issue which impacted upon her own growth as a child and left her quite a lot shorter than her siblings and parents, though not small enough to be unusual for a woman (maybe 5 ft 2 or so I think, but her parents and siblings are all tall).

My mum told me regularly that my nephew, who lives abroad, is "gigantic" (we hadn't seen him during the pandemic) but when we did see him he was a perfectly normal height - again she's shorter than average and her side of the family are all shorter than my dad's side or my nephew's father's side, and I think she's actually defensive about short genes!

Lovely to think that I can now be blamed for my son not being a strapping 6 footer.

Most aren’t. A lot of people who say their sons are six foot are wrong, they’re 5’10 maybe 5’11 but just feel much taller to the shorter mother.

Don’t forget tall means nothing if they’re not handsome as well 😉

I’ve no idea why people think it’s an achievement to be tall - or to have talk dc. As pp have said, there’s nothing that can be done about height.

My Dd is a bit annoyed to have seemingly stopped growing at 5’4” but I don’t see it as an issue. DS is only 9 but currently seems about average for his age - who knows what height he’ll end up - I don’t really care as long as he’s happy!

(I’m 5’6” and my exh is 5’8” - the men in my family are tall and the women other than me are quite short. Exh’s parents both short)

The expression “strapping 6 footer” is very annoying isn’t it?

I think the satisfaction derived from having tall kids is primal.

So @SkankingWombat, what was their advice to all of us who are clearly not giving our children the correct lifestyle, environment, or diet???

What a load of Tosh. In general, your child will be the height your child will be 6 say generally, so avoiding malnutrition, etc)

There are always people who comment on height of our DC, he is very petite. Surprisingly we know that, we can see that, we dont need telling and he certainly doesnt need it mentioning it to him all the time by strangers

I thought all this tall talk was innocent enough until my 19yr old nephew started saying he would not date one girl he knew because of her height. She was apparently great otherwise, but being 5"4 meant she was lacking. Lucky for her, he will leave her alone, but this is where we will end up unless we stop try to stop this fawning over tallness.

People with tall kids do like to go on about it! One girl I know has a son who is taller than her friends son. It's like her proudest accomplishment, even though she and her DP are not tall at all! A family member of mine is the same. She's tiny, and her husband is very tall. She would not shut up about her tall DS1. DS2 is very small for his age and perhaps tracking to maybe be closer to her height that his dads. I don't know what to say to her, both kids are normal.

It's getting a bit pathetic, that's all I'm saying.

Try to stop fawning* no idea what happened there lol

I suspect its based on a subconscious thing of being wealthier, as weight also was seen as a positive because you could afford more food. I vaguely recall my Dutch friend saying that was why Dutch in particular are so tall. Similar in some cultures fair skin is seen as better if you were darker it meant you were working out in the fields. Now it's the opposite in others where a tan insinuates you can afford a holiday! None of this applies now in the modern world but the thinking has carried through in so many aspects.
People are weird and most probably dont ever stop to wonder why they think some of the things they do 🤷‍♀️

I worry about my DC being too tall. Having spent time with their Dad and experiencing the comments and attention he receives (sometimes incredibly personal, sometimes bordering adulation) and the physical issues and day to day issues it causes, it's hoped the DC won't turn out as tall.

YANBU

Ironically, if your kids really are tall you won’t have to tell anybody- absolutely everyone will tell you.

What bugs me particularly is (to my ears) it’s said with admiration towards my DS and more shock towards my DD (who became self conscious of her height as soon as she started school).

I have a Facebook friend whose son is about 16 and now 6 foot plus. He has big since he was a toddler. For the past 13 years the has been endless posts about how big his shoes are, the "not the little brother now" posts etc. In turn it has now turned into memories that he shares daily. I think all the time "I get it! He is tall!". There is just no need for daily reminders! The himself is quite small so I think this is why he is so hung up on his son's height that he clearly is very pleased about.

Ok, I did obsess over how tall my child was- mainly because by the time he was 11 he couldn’t fit into tax exempt children’s clothing and shoes. So it cst me .
by the time he was 15 he had size 14 shoes - endless arguments about school shoes with the school - we simply couldn’t afford £100 back then for imports from USA that were not geared to play football at break time or walk 2 miles a day back and forth to school. And as for school blazer - aghhh

he ended up at 6 foot 6 and size 15 shoes with extra wide fitting- they’re like fricking boats . Luckily I don’t pay for his clothes and shoes now 🤣🤣. But it all has to come from specialist shops.

its one thing boasting - it’s another thing ignoring the giraffe in the room that is head and shoulder above other children. Bless him, he’s not a fast runner, but he’d win every race as a child just becuase he was so much taller and longer stride- his mild canter outstripped all the other kids gallop. He’d actually stop and wait for them when very young 🙄

DS is quite tall for his age and whenever we go to a party or whatever you can guarantee someone will mention it. Oh he’s really tall, and we usually reply with something like, I know, no idea where he gets it from.

Also have no idea about the fascination!

This really irritates me. I have a relative who insists her DS wears age 6-7 clothes because he is just so tall. My DS is half a head taller and wears age 3-4. Her DC’s clothes always look ridiculously massive because she’s trying to prove some kind of point about him being a huge child, when he’s actually within normal limits.

I agree. Constant battles with schools. He simply was too tall for the standard size desks and chairs for his year groups all the way through school. Similarly at university- although he did arrange to get extra length bed in university accommodation, they didn’t change chair or desk height- he couldn’t get his legs under the table and got chronic back problems

even now at age of 26 he has dreadful problems with his back. His cousin who is nearly same height has exactly same issues in same places.

school uniform issues. Clothes and shoes can only be got from specialist stores and mostly imported - unless he goes for nasty, cheaply made, unfashionable stuff from internet . From 14 years old shoes were costing us £100 or more and he’d wear them out in a couple of terms, or grow out of them quickly.

banged heads, stopping, starrring, constant questions form people - it’s not exactly the end of the world in comparison to some people with physical differences - but it is hard for him to be ignored or blend in and that does cause issues.

my mother, born in late 1930s, was over 6 foot and size 9 feet - it was a burden her whole life …it is not something that can be ignored.

I don't mention it all the time but I find it baffling and a bit amazing that my DD1 is 5'10. But mostly because I'm just over 5'2 and I'm just like "how the fuck...?"

DD2 is short and lovely. Although she's only 11 so may grow a fair bit yet, I stopped growing at about 12.

I’m tall - but surrounded by tall family. I constantly misjudge peoples heights too. I think people are shorter than they are- particularly men
so not specific to a certain height I think- just comparing to the people you see the most.

I agree with PP I’m from a tall family and its not all it’s cracked up to be.

The women don’t like their big hands/feet and ‘swimmer’s shoulders’ (luckily I dodged these somehow). A lot of them have back problems and find it hard to buy nicely fitting clothes.

Very tall men are rarely proportionate in terms of weight and are too thin giving them that prey mantis look.

Yep, I’ve got one on the 2nd centile and one on the 91st centile. My 11m old is up to my 7yo’s ribs 😂

I really don’t get it. I would hate to be tall! I think it’s because I was one of those early growers at school - reached my adult height by 13, got boobs early, just felt big and lumpy (wasn’t overweight as such, but definitely solid and not at all petite). Now am a slim 5 foot 4 and like being smallish. I guess, ultimately, we never get over our childhood hang-ups, and mine was being big! Now I am happy to be small. I have two daughters and I don’t think they’re going to be tall - none of us are bothered!

But one of my friends goes on about how her 6 year old is nearly as big as my 9 year old quite often. It does bug me a bit - it’s like - what are you trying to prove?! Congratulations- your kid’s a giant!