5 year old fussy eater. At my wits end

[framan]

DD1 is a fussy eater and it is becoming more and more unbearable. She refuses to try new things and when I encourage her to try a taste she adamantly says she hates it. In the end I lose my temper and say that's it there is nothing else to eat. But then I give in and let her eat a banana or some other fruit (which is just about the only healthy thing she will eat. Carrot is her only veg!) And then she will whinge she's hungry and I give in and let her have a piece of bread. I'm just going about it the wrong way I know but just don't know what to do. Her 18 month old sister is on the other hand a fantastic eater and will eat just about anything I give her.
I thought of going to health visitor for advice but my one is not that helpful and a GP might be extreme. What can I do to get her to be more adventurous? Any tips or advice would be more than welcome!
Sorry for the long post but hope you can help.

I have a similar DS1 who is nearly 5. I have only just ( after 4 years of this stress!) become a bit more strict and not given in to requests for food after meal times where nothing has been eaten. I normally find that he eats a bigger than usual breakfast after a day of not eating what I've offered!

It's awful though isn't it? I spoke to my GP about it and she said that her DD survived on fish fingers and spaghetti hoops for about 3 years which made me feel slightly better

I just assume they will grow out of it...eventually

IS it mostly veg she has a problem with or is it other food as well?

Does she have school dinners, this has been the making of DS1 who was extremely fussy. I got stricter with him once DD (who started off a good eater) started refusing stuff because he did. I basically just stopped buying the crap. Since starting school he has tried all sorts of new stuff and comes home asking for stuff that he has never eaten here.

I have a nearly 4 year old DS who is exactly the same except he won't even touch fruit or vegetables of any kind! It's getting to the pint where I and DH are coming to blows about it as we aren't agreeing on how to deal with it (I take the no stress at mealtimes approach, he makes mealtimes a nightmare if he is here) I have 2 more boys, 12 and nearly 2 who eat fantastically so I really feel that it is just the way DS2 is...stubborn and no amount of coaxing, bribary, crossness etc will change that until he decides he wants to try what we have.

I feel your daughter will be fine health wise as she is having at least some fruit and vegetables. I supplement DS2 with fruit juices and vitamin and Omega 3 syrup (in his bedtime milk..god forbid if he should know what I was doing!!) and I am patiently waiting for him to grow out of this fussy eating. I know it will be slow and painful, but I also know it won't last forever.

One thing which does help occasionally is cooking with DS2. Getting him interested in what he is making and then he may try it.

I do sympathise, it is incredibly hard work.

dont give in,
if she doesnt eat it, tough, she goes to bed hungry. eventully she ewill give in.

Don't know if this will be any help..ds age 12 was a terrible eater and still is. He survived on tomato soup, horrible disgusting Thomas the Tank ham, and bread. This was from age 3 to 10 or 11. It was terrible to try and get him to eat anything, and he would just refuse stuff because he didn't like look of it, or the name.
However the point of this is; he is now 12, takes a size 11 (yes-an adult size 11,)shoe, is one of the tallest in his year (of 250 kids) and has hands like hams.
So while I feel your desperation, it will change, as no one could have been pickier than ds. I give him vitamins, but often forgot/too harrassed/busy etc, and he still grew like a weed.
He informed me the other day, that the only green thing he liked was "green gummi bears"
Your dd will survive and thrive despite her efforts to do otherwise, I promise. I know how frustrating the battles are, after about 4 years, I stopped fighting it, and came to the conclusion thaat he was at least eating something. Hope this helps....

My DS (nearly 5) is quite fussy, highly suspicious of anything new etc. He eats fruit and a few "hot" meals a week though he moans about it. I offer food and if he doesn't want it that's it. I worried about it until my uncle told me his godson (know 18) only ate yoghurt, bananas & milk until he was 12. One day my uncle was round for lunch tucking into a sunday roast and his godson decided to join in and has never looked back. No health issues, tall, fit, healthy, eats anything and everything now.

I find it hard to get my 6 yr old dd to eat chicken and vegetables, but my dh cooks risotto and virtually 'purees' any old veg he finds in the fridge and cuts the chicken into minute little pieces - she gobbles that up. My ds won't eat carrots, but he'll eat the ones in the Waitrose Little People Fish Pie because they are diced and tiny...It doesn't always work but sometimes just presenting something in a different way - making it easier to eat works with mine. Best of luck!

My ds1 ate everything, but ds2 was very fussy. Our breakthrough was candlelit dinners on a Sunday evening - kids have grape juice in a wine glass. We gradually introduced new foods (eg chicken - yes, that's the same stuff you get in the middle of a chicken nugget!)
It's very important not to make a big issue if she refuses - don't make her eat it but let her go hungry. ds2 was so stubborn that he'd put the food in his mouth but refuse to swallow for half an hour! Things improved dramatically once we 'backed off' and left him to it, but also made meal times into a fun family time.
It's SO stressful, isn't it? ds2 is 11 now and eats most things, though strangely isn't very good with fruit even though he eats all veg

Wow, thanks for your messages. I wasn't expecting much in the way of replies. It's nice to know I'm not alone but I can't help but think if I'm going about it the right way. If she doesn't eat what I give her, should I say absolutely there is nothing else to eat or have I done the right thing in offering her fruit?
It's become an issue and I'm worried this will be an ongoing thing. I find it hard because I love my food and will eat absolutely anything.

framan I feel for you.
I have the same problem with DS1. Please excuse me for hijacking your thread but I just want you to know you are not alone. (I posted a thread before about him and thought the phase was over but was mistaken).

DS is 3 yrs old. He lives mainly off a diet of bread, chicken, fish, cheese, and yogurts. He does now eat pasta and has tried mashed potatoe. All of these foods are eaten in tiny portions. He refuses all other vegetables and fruit and barely wants milk on his cereal.

I think I am going to try the 'small plate' tactic as I am lucky if he eats 2 spoonfuls of food at any meal.

I am concerned that my DS will continue to be a fussy eater for the next few years and I really don't think I can bear that.

It is so hard sending them to bed with no food. It makes me miserable. DS refused to eat tea today and so is running on empty until breakfast.

I know its important not to make mealtimes an issue but sometimes its extremely difficult not to.

Good Luck framan. I'm just hoping my DS turns out like Fizzbuzzes!

Our 5yo DD is really fussy - she who ate everything until she was 3. Anyway, we had food war for awhile and then I backed off. The rule is; if she doesn't eat (most of) her dinner then she doesn't get pudding. But she has a new tactic to piss me off which is to discuss every single bite and whine all the way through the meal even though DH and I are staying calm. If she was an only child it wouldn't matter so much but she has 2 & 3 yo siblings watching her with increasing interest.

I could threaten to feed her outside with the dog unless she belts up...

Message withdrawn

lol Fawkesbide. You obviously have your hands full! Love your comment about feeding outside with the dog .

Bloss - My DS refuses to eat food that I have served and he has eaten a million times before. He is just being downright stubborn.

He ate a good bit for breakfast this morning so I am content with that but I'm not looking forward to sending him off to bed hungry again if he refuses his tea.

Well DS's Montessori teacher spoke to me today about DS not eating his packed lunches. She said he keeps hiding his sandwiches in his bag and when she asks if he has eaten them he says 'yes'!

She has suggested I vary his lunches a bit and instead of sandwiches all the time try cheese and biscuits, rice crackers, toast, yogurt etc. Just small portions to start with. She also suggested that I pack a treat for DS that the teacher holds back until he finishes his lunch. I was surprised they would encourage this as I had images of other children getting upset because they didn't have a small chocolate bar! She said that many of the parents do it to bribe their kids into eating .

Since DS has been home he has been eating non-stop! He ate half his ham and cream cheese sandwiches from his packed lunch in return for 1 cube of chocolate and 1 jelly. He then ate a yogurt and a slice of brown bread and butter.

I have to keep remembering that toddlers will never starve.

Having burst into tears this evening, worrying that my relationship with my 2.5yo DS is ruined by the constant struggle to get him to eat, this posting has been a great comfort, thanks. What gets me is that missing a meal seems to do nothing to him in terms of getting him to eat. He had reflux as a baby and so is used to denying himself food despite hunger. So I don't know whether to just give him what he does eat, or whether to try new stuff and know it means feeding the bin rather than him.

I've been there with my DD.. she was soooo fussy, that I swear there were times when I could have thrown her and the food out of the window! In the end I thought there is more to life than this! and sometime I think it gets to the stage where everyone is battling for control..
anyway I took a step back and gave her the food that she would eat, sandwiches, crisps, cheese fruit yoghurts... I am not comfortable with the eat it or go with out method.. I mean if you came for tea I would ask you to taste something but I wouldn't make you eat it if you didn't like it... whats the point.. food should be enjoyable

A couple of years ago now I started to let her help more in the kitchen.. this helped.. and also I noticed if we ate out she liked to look at the menu pictures and would choose different foods.. I always have things like bread rolls on the table that I know she will eat, or fruit

Daughter is 10 now and is still a bit fussy with her food.. she still won't eat food which is to crispy, crunchy, or even touching another food on her plate!..
DD has been diagnosed with AS tendencies and dyspraxia and all her food issues were linked to that.. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting your child is the same... Just that for Me.. I know did the right thing for Her

If you decide what route your going down.. be consistent, maybe just offer her some bread so she won't go hungry, hopefuly she will get bored of it... you may find this is just a phase to prove her independence!

Good luck

Honestly, if you don't make too big an issue of it now then I'm sure when she gets older you'll be able to explain the importance of a healthy, varied diet.

Just stick mainly to things she likes, but encourage her to try something new occasionally. Don't let her have junk, but if she's eating bread, carrots and fruit then she's doing better than many children her age.

ds2 was really intimidated by a huge heap of food - I used to give him small portions and then 2nds if he wanted it.

Also give a selection of lots of different things on the plate - chopped up carrot, cheese, raisins, cucumber, tomato or whatever. Anything to make the plate look interesting. Then for pudding chop up different sorts of fruit - start off peeling and slicing the apples, then progress to bright red ones and say how pretty the skin is.

Turn it into a game - never lose your temper - I used to do that and it just makes it worse.

Again further thanks. BumMum, your post was really interesting. I think I find it frustrating when she won't even attempt to try new things which generally are a variation of what she normally eats. I guess its the unfamiliarity of it all. But when I tell her to try and taste it all she will do is stick her tongue out and taste and immediately says "yuck". And then I find myself getting angry a) at the waste b) the expense and c)time I bother with all of this. I know I need to be in control and I figure she knows this is where she can play against me. Doesn't help when DH starts nagging as well. I think its back to the drawing board for me.

just joined mumsnet and very interested in others experiences of fussy eating. My son is 7 and will not eat any kind of vegetable. Though he will eat soup/pasta sauce with blended vegetables in. He sometimes tries to eat carrots or peas but doesn't like them and usually retches or is actually sick when he tries even a tiny amount. He generally is good about eating any other kind of food and eats quite a few types of fruit (but will not try grapes or melon or kiwi fruits). I wondered whether anyone has any advice. He doesn't like being like this and is embarrassed about it. (He's got a younger sister who loves vegetables!)

Hi i have also just joined! and realy do feel for you.
I have been to the point of tears with my son, he would not eat anthing except yogurts, crisps and chips for a long time.
As he grew older we saw health visitors etc that assured me he was surving on this diet, this however did not stop me feeling like the worse mum in the world!.
I then discovered that telling him that certain foods had powers worked (i know it sounds crazy but it worked).
Peas make you run fast, carrots make you be able to see monsters in the dark!, potatoes esp boiled ones turn your super powers on and brocolli makes you be able to fight cybermen!!!!.
I know i sound crazy but in land of 4 yr olds whatever works ... works and it did for us!, good luck its an awfully worrying problem.

My mother told me "it's a mother's responsibility to provide regular, healthy, palatabe meals. It is not her responsibility to make anyone eat them.' This sounds harsh, but I think it's true. Healthy children don't starve themselves. Offer a meal, if it's eaten, give a little praise (not over the top, they've only eaten a carrot, not written a sonnet). If it's left, take it away without comment. Make sure the fruit bowl is available at all times, and if there's hungry winges offer a slice of plain wholemeal bread. Keep everything calm and as emotion free as possible. It's only food, and it won't hurt a child to go to bed a little bit hungry. As mothers we are programmed to feed our children, but really they need less food than we think they do - and they eat more than we think they do. We are not bad mothers if our children live on yoghurt and satsumas for a fortnight.

curlew fab post, I agree with every word.

Aw you guys, you've been fantastic. Curlew, great advice. I guess I'll just have to grin and bear it. We do have a fruit bowl full of fruits and she will have something from there pretty much everyday.

Just taking stock of it all, she does have a healthyish diet but like I said before, it would be nice for her to try new things but that's a battle in itself.

Brilliant, curlew - and redkarma you've made me smile - what a fab idea!

Definitely agree - a little child psychology goes a long way!

And always remember that each child is an individual - ds1 ate everything I put in front of him - ds2 was SO much harder to deal with.

Thank goodness it was that way round - if I'd had ds2 first I would've thought I was a useless parent!