Comparing heights of children

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I have a mum friend who often mentions her kids’ heights when they happen to be taller than mine at the time. Like oh is James taller than Ben now? Oh yes look he is. And with our girls as well. I don’t get it. My DD is taller than hers now I think and suddenly it’s not mentioned.

She herself is quite tall but within normal range.
My sister is 5ft10 and often mentions her height. I’m not that much smaller than her.

aibu it really doesn’t matter if kids are taller or shorter unless you think there’s an actual medical problem?!!! Not sure why she keeps mentioning it.

You’re not small @ExasperatedbyJanuary youre completely average! Same size as my sis.

Both DH and I are taller side 5'9 and 6ft respectively but our eldest DD is 5ft at 16 and her 13 year old sister has already overtaken her. She does get a bit sad sometimes that she isn't taller and I have no idea genetics wise who she takes after she is so dainty and I am a right chunky, big footed person.
I do get a bit hacked off at any "ooh has she stopped growing now then" type comments.
She's perfect as she is but I think it's hard for them if they don't fit either average. My DN is very tall and lovely but she feels self concious.

Bollocks…when they were dependant I walked through life thinking

1. how the fuck am I going to pay for another pair of shoes in gigantic sizes that have to be imported form American cos shitting school won’t let him wear shoes I can buy in uk to fit
2. he will get a bad back if he continues to sit like that - shit he can’t even get his legs under the table now
3. why does his shirt or t shirt keep showing bare belly ven though it’s supposed to be long length - hairy belly in young men is not nice
4. when will he frigging stop growing

at no time did I consider it was something I’d done. The tall genes in our family come from my mum . It 5 foot 6 I’m actually the runt . Nowt to do with me- just family genes going back to whoever and whenever.

as for my son - no he does think he’s better. He has self esteem issues as he always stood out and was different . He hunches over even as an adult to try to fit in. He dreads buying clothes or shoes which makes how he feels physically even worse. And even shitty clothes cost him way more than standard clothes. Down to socks and underpants. Even larger men’s socks don’t fit him. He has to go to specialist shops.

and he is often fed up with living in a world that is uncomfortable as everything is too small and he can’t fit - whether plane seats, standard tables, door frames, chairs that mean he is hunched over with hips permanently below his knees, or just mirrors windows etc.

stop with the fake and ignorant assumptions and generalisations. Most very tall people I know, and I know plenty even in my own family including my own deceased mother, don’t like it

Is it because many women won’t date short men and they don’t want their sons to be men that women won’t date?

Other end of the scale here... my adorable toddler DGS is on the first -3rd centile (if we are generous) babies a year younger are his height. And he has a big head of curly hair and is basically a hobbit. Both parents are short so we aren't expecting him to be a 6 footer unless there is a miracle throw back gene!

Odd because I'm a lot taller than my DD, and my son in law's Dad is a 6 footer.

At the moment he looks super cute, as people think he's younger than he is and are amazed at his skills as he scrambles up at soft play etc. But he's going to be 'the short one' at school and I hate to think that other kids and especially other parents will judge :(

My late teen DS is very tall (6ft4) and people always comment on his height, plus they often think he’s much older & dd is younger, much to DS’s disgust.,

Maybe? Although if you're good looking, even just charming it's not a problem, I know plenty of short men with very attractive women. One of my good friends is proper short, he must be about 5'2"? He's always had attractive girlfriends and now has a stunning wife

My DD is the youngest in her class, she is also the smallest. Most of her classmates are a good head taller than her. She was 5lbs born and has always been a little dot. People do like to point it out to us though, more so because I am 5'8 so think they expect her to be bigger.
It used to bother me when she was a baby but it goes over my head now

people are welcome to have their own observations or opinions about their own DC’s heights but it’s a bit rude to compare really anything against another child. They’re all great (ish) in their own way with their own things.
Her child basically only says ‘mum’ whereas my child is constantly talking. I don’t say ‘my child has way better language skills than yours’ ?! I might say here he goes again he doesn’t ruddy shut up!

I do think it’s a bit primal as malnutrition does cause growth issues (aren’t North Koreans shorter than South Koreans?!) but I think she’s a bit of a frenemy in that she can be a bit contrary/odd with me on a few things so will probably back off a bit.
I was grateful our older children are in different classes because she can be a bit ‘competitive’.

I'm 4ft 10. Virtually every freakin one of my DC friends once they were around 8 or 10 had to really proudly tell me they were taller than me. (My own DC were 13 when they reached my height)

I know, I know, they're only kids but after about the 20th one I wanted to say " I'm short, not unobservant!!!"
And It's not through effort or achievement that anyone got to the height they did. I'm not short because I didn't try hard enough!😂

My kids are pretty tall for their ages. My DM says things like, ooh DD doesn't want to get much taller, she doesn't want to be too tall?!? not sure quite what I'm expected to do if DD does indeed get 'too tall' whatever that means... 🙄😵‍💫

I've never had anyone mention children's heights (except where a child a few years younger is taller).

But I find mums (and probably dads) are like this and their chat often deteriorates with the more children they have! I know mine definitely has!

I hate comparing children with anything though. Mobility development, language, academic ability. I just find it incredibly boring if there's no real issue.

Next time I'd probably reply with "oh yes. You're taller than me though so your children will probably end up taller than mine. I guess that's genes for you. Anyway, have you seen xxxxxx"

@ethelredonagoodday if you don't know what too tall looks like and their height is not something you worry about, you probably won't end up with kids that are too tall.

Haha "I've told her to stop growing mum, she never listens"!

Your mum needs to be showing your daughter that she's incredible just the way she is. Not filling her head with all of that social stereotype bullshit.

I would think it's because tall men are deemed more attractive and statistically tall women are more successful

So I guess it pays to be tall.

So this is sparking the competitive mum inside her

Totally agree. Mine is so much more ahead then all his peers in everything (height is average), and I would never go on about it or compare (if anything they will mention something, but I'll just nod). Secretly I'm thrilled of course but I'd never vocalise it.

People are dim about height. Maybe they see it as an achievement because it's the only thing they have to fall back on.

Crikey, you're a bit defensive!
The programme wasn't about advice, it was a science-y 'isn't this fascinating' sorta thing. Whether we like it or not, our lifestyles during childhood affect our final height and whether we reach our maximum potential. Mostly there isn't a lot we can do to change this. We are generally stuck with the quality of air we have where we live, DCs will be fussy eaters and there's little we can do to change that no matter how many vegetables we serve up etc etc.
I have no skin (or judgement!) in this game - my DCs are average height for their ages!

That isn't quite right: it was saying that they won't grow as quickly as their peers as teens. Having done most of their growing towards their final height already, it is common for their shorter friends to catch them up very suddenly once puberty starts whilst the previously 'very tall' DC barely grows. But yes, there is the added complication that, for some, the added early weight will cause an earlier puberty that in turn prevents them achieving the last bit of growth that would have happened in their mid/late teens.

It probably is down to this - basic survival of the species.

Tall men are deemed more attractive than short men. All the stories and films are about 'tall' men but as a previous poster pointed out, the tall men have to be well built and not thin/skinny.

It is probably the opposite with women where shorter women are deemed more attractive using words like 'petite' to describe them (obviously I'm not talking about 6ft catwalk models).

My kids are deemed to be on the short side genetically as I am myself. I can't say its ever bothered me at all, other than having to pay 15quid to get every pair of trousers and jeans taken up. I have found myself commenting on tall some kids in my kid's class are as I suppose it is socially acceptable/complimentary whereas it isn't really acceptable to comment on a child being short (other than a petite little girl who it seems to be ok to refer to as dainty/petite/doll like etc).

But isn't that just what the whole height thing is probably based on anyway ... height (and weight in earlier times) meaning you were healthier because you could afford more food? It's probably not a coincidence that European people are taller on average.
Although interesting PP re movies and books, that's actually probably it. The whole tall, dark and handsome thing. Same with women being dainty and petite.

DCs will be fussy eaters and there's little we can do to change that no matter how many vegetables we serve up etc etc

Are you suggesting vegetables make our smaller children taller ?? (Again Not mal nutrition)

I do get defensive because it statements like this and people having the thoughts of if you just fed your kid right he would be taller, its ridiculous. Our DS has the best diet, exercise etc but he has 2 smaller than average parents, so sadly, " i cant feed him tall" as we were told advised to keep telling people when they mentioned his height.

Im short and my husband is tall. My kids are now taller than me ( 12 & 13) The amount of people that comment on it really annoys me.

Obviously Im short all my family are, their father is tall so chances are they will be slightly taller than me.

Its like eye colour or hair colour, most is genetics so no control over it and also obvious to the person, unless they have never seen their own reflection so probably no need to point it out 😂

Don't confuse causation with correlation. Whilst it's true that more successful people are tall, it doesn't mean that being tall is the cause of their success. It doesn't mean that if you are tall you are more likely to be successful. Its an important distinction.

As a short person (5’3) with a relatively short DP (5’6) I’m very worried about our son facing height discrimination in his life.

I don’t know why some taller people think they’re better or more intelligent just because of their height (obviously the opposite of they believe that!) but I’m truly sick of it.