Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

[Christmasbeach]

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

Perhaps she's writing a book about her husband's pregnancy.

I'm adding 'donate it to the food bank' and 'we're pregnant' to my Mumsnet bingo card.

OFFS!

@TheShellBeach maybe 🤣🤣 or she's really a journo & we'll read all about this thread in the Mirror/Daily Mail this week

A slightly different response. Say to your MIL that you are so very worried about all the children going hungry. Say that you know she is the most generous person you know etc. Ask her to donate to a food bank in lieu of giving you food - that you think it might be pregnancy hormones, but the thought of children going hungry makes you cry - that everyone should have someone’s like her in their life.

job done. She feels good, you don’t get unwanted food and the food bank gets more food.

🙄

Take it gratefully pass on to a good bank, she thinks you're both wonderful and you're doing something useful for someone else.

*food

Is everyone completely missing the point? Perhaps the MIL is a control freak? It's like buying chocolate for someone who has told you they're on a diet.

In my mum’s case, it’s not to do with control or being malicious. She is old, bored, not much going on on her life, and this is a way of showing her love. It still drives me up the wall.

How often do you donate raw meat to your food bank? Is is gratefully received?

Drop it at a food bank if you don't want it?

Why should the OP gratefully accept then pass it on to the food bank. Just what a busy pregnant woman needs, another errand!

At first I thought you were a bit unreasonable. My MIL loves to give us things to take home rather than it going to waste. Cakes, chicken etc. The difference is we either genuinely gratefully accept or explain we don't have enough space, it won't get eaten and she accepts it no problem. She's genuinely being nice.

This mil seems weirdly controlling about it and insinuating you aren't feeding yourselves and unborn baby properly, followed by guilt trips and tantrums. Ridiculous!

Yes because people experiencing food poverty should be grateful for chicken thighs decanted into freezer bags, bless their hearts.

How often do you donate raw meat to your food bank? Is is gratefully received?

Not really the point though is it ? I suppose she could donate packet stuff to food bank or something, or maybe suggest that MIL does it, instead of giving them stuff that will only go to waste

Pointless unhelpful comment. By buying reduced food and giving it to someone who doesn’t want it MIL is depriving someone who would be grateful for the reduced option.

And to all of you people saying “give it to your food bank”, you are just showing that you don’t actually support your local foodbanks because they generally don’t take fresh things and certainly unmarked, potentially harmful meet in freezer bags.

Hatch cook?! Was that typo for batch cook or is there a new trend I’m not aware of!?

Yep.

Sanctimonious tight bastards.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to not want to eat crap food. Especially when you've told her you don't need it. I'd donate it (supermarkets normally have trolleys you can put food in) or give the meat to a friend with a dog?

I’ve noticed how it’s all mostly meat that she’s giving you, yet you say you’re a vegetarian? Funny that. She’s clearly doing this to try push meat onto you. Definitely a control freak and bang out of order

I don't think you sound ungrateful because it's not wanted or needed. You don't have to like/eat something that someone insists on giving you.

Maybe just have the convo (your DP should do it but sounds like he won't) and just say you really appreciate her kindness but as you meal plan it makes things difficult and the food ends up going to waste.

Ask that instead of food she picks up a packet of nappies/water wipes or something you will need for when your baby arrives. I did this with my keen family members and I don't think I had to buy a box of nappies until DD was about 2!

If she wants to help, steer her into a direction that will bring value to both parties.

No wonder the planet is dying with that attitude. Producing food makes more carbon than any other human activity. And I'm not a vegetarian but even I don't want chickens to needlessly die just because someone doesn't want to tell their mother in law to stop buying it.

No, she didn't say she was vegetarian.