Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

[Christmasbeach]

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

My MIL used to come and clean my house and bring food. Lots of people thought it sounded great. I found it a bit insulting tbh.
We generally got on fairly well and after a while I had to accept that it was impossible to change these habits and I made a joke out of it.
The intention might have been kind but the inference I got (rightly or wrongly) is that the house is not clean enough for my child and your cooking is not great.
Having said this she was pretty upfront so would (and did) say if she didn't like the food.
On the rare occassion that they actually permitted themselves to eat food I'd prepared they'd exclaim in surprise "actually this is really nice!"

Food banks are aside from the point. That's putting the (pregnant, working) OP to additional inconvenience she hasn't asked for and has already stated she doesn't want.

This is not what 'trying to help' looks like.

This. Let me elucidate.

Say MIL gave the food bag today, Sunday.

She bought the food yesterday, Saturday.

The packaging is damaged.

OP doesn't want it but takes it in and stores it in the carrier bag it came in.

Her nearest food bank opens between 10 and 12 noon on Tuesday.

On Tuesday OP takes the carrier bag to the food bank and the nearest volunteer gets the story of the contents

• About 4 days ago the food was purchased from the value/last chance aisle of Asda
• No, OP doesn't know how it has been stored since it was taken from the store.
• No, OP doesn't know how/when the packaging became damaged
• Yes the food has been in the same bag for at least 3 days

The volunteer now has to decide whether they have the time, stamina and patience to explain why such old, probably cross contaminated foods will NOT be given to their clients. They will have to weigh up whether or not OP is like others here, apparently more willing to be seen to be generous than to actually think, or whether they will understand when told to take it all away and dispose of it elsewhere.

Now, can we stop with the stupid suggestions and allow that OP has a MIL problem that is irritating and wasteful?

Mumsnet please edit the title to say AIBU to be slightly miffed at inlaws buying us food THAT THE FOODBANK WON'T TAKE to the title please!

This . Definitely not worth getting annoyed about!
Slightly different but my lovely Mum used to insist on doing occasional washing to help me . A very kind offer but washing always came back smelling oh cigarettes.
I just took the view she was kind and thoughtful ,the washing went back in for a rinse and all happy.

I'm pretty sure even pregnant working people go to the shops. There is a basket in every supermarket which you are carrying bags into anyway.

Hardly a huge stressful inconvenience.

Even people that get home deliveries still step foot in a supermarket now and again.

I'm seeing so many comments about food banks not taking fresh produce.
most places have a community fridge that does or apps such as Olio.

Life and the standard of living must be improving because people get upset over the most ridiculous things.

Mildly irritating at worst.

This!!

If this were my mum I would be saying...

'I know you like to help us out with food, but we both enjoy cooking so once we've done our weekly shop we really don't need anything else, and a lot of the stuff you've bought has ended up going to waste. We really appreciate the thought but would rather you spent the money on yourself. If you do want to help us out though, we'd really appreciate a few packs of nappies and wipes to get us started when the baby's here.'

She's one of those people who can't pass up a bargain. She's not giving you this stuff out kindness, she's doing it because she has the complete inability to resist buying cheap stuff.

Probably started their famalam on holibobs.

I have struggled to the point of having to go without food for a few days at the end of the month and unfortunately quite a few times now not been able to eat. It sucks. This has been over the past few years, for the rest of my life I never had these struggles and for that I'm truly grateful. I'm shocked sometimes at how expensive food is now tbh. But... I don't think OP is being tone deaf. She does her own shop, she's happy with her food, she doesn't want this extra stuff, has made it very clear, she doesn't want it to go to waste also. Someone who didn't give a shit would just bin it and not give it a second thought and shes not doing that. I don't think she should be criticised.

Can you strike a deal with any neighbours, anyone nearby, to have the food?
Food banks won't accept a lot of that stuff.
Or sit down with her and explain properly that it's wasteful.
I think the best option would be if you can is finding someone locally who wants it and would take it. I would love something like that. But depending on your area it might be difficult.
The ideas about the apps are good.

Not in damaged packaging they won't!

But this is not a discussion about food banks.

Get your DP to tell his mum that he doesn't want it, and although it is kind of her, it would be better if she donated to a food bank.

For all the people who insist it's a kind gesture and don't see anything wrong with it, would you (after they had paid for their shopping) drop a random selection of meat, sausages, biscuits etc in a strangers trolley? I doubt it. Why is it different when you know the person?

TBH what I find MORE offensive... recently...

I'm in a group online that is about foxes. The plates of food people in England are putting out for them is crazy. People post pictures of this, a lot. Eggs, cuts of meat, chicken, sausages. Like a proper plate of high quality protein. Some people put out lots of plates, each day. Like four plates or more, for the foxes.

I love wildlife... but... this is not helping them IMO.

Foxes are wild and should be left alone. The population shouldn't be artificially inflated by this. There are people who would fucking LOVE those plates of food, especially at the end of the month. You could create multiple meals out of them and feed yourself for days if you had some bits to go with them (bread, butter, salad, something like that). It really gets to me.

What do you mean by "most places" having a community fridge? I'm not aware of one where I live. There may be one in town I suppose, but that's eight miles away. Maybe other villages have them but how would I find out?

I've looked at Olio, it seems like a good idea. But it's still just another job for the OP every bloody week. And if she gets ten things and lists them she might need to make arrangements with ten separate people to turn up to collect one pack of wafer thin ham.......no way would I be doing that.

Though obviously she would get dp to do all the listing etc, he'd pretty quickly sort his mother out after that!

Foxes, what people feed foxes in England). Well, that was an unexpected turn.

I think some of these comments belong on the pedants page!
It would annoy me too as we don't eat a lot of meat anyway. But then again she's trying to be nice. I would be a little (politely) firmer and ask her not to, but I wouldn't wreck s relationship over it, you could always freeze it or make meals then freeze.
I'd be a little concerned if she wasn't 'getting it' though. Is she displaying any other odd behaviours?

I'm not pregnant, I do work. 90% of my shopping is done online. I live in a village, twenty minute drive to the nearest useful supermarket (I do shop in the local Coop or Sainsbury's local thing now and then, neither have food bank boxes).

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative.

So own it.

You've told her it's unnecessary, but all she does is make digs like 'health freak' & ignore you, so there's no need to concern yourself with how she responds to you not wanting her food bags. Just tell her "I'm unappreciative because I don't want to eat the food you insist on bringing to my house. If I kept bringing you stuff you didn't want, would YOU be 'appreciative'?"

Or just drive it back round her house & dump it back on her. Maybe throw a couple of things you know she hates eating in there, too.

Do you have any idea how annoying it is when people foist food upon you when you’ve already meal planned and bought your food to a budget?

My mil does this too and it’s really irritating. It’s not because she thinks we can’t afford it, it’s because she has a shopping habit and indulges it by buying food for people. It’s always random stuff too, not even anything either of us would eat.

I think the point is that it isn't being done out of malice. It clearly comes from good intention and in the grand scheme it isn't worth getting upset over.

Donate it or if that is too much work then bin it. One day the OP may be a MIL and her kindness may unwanted.

My MIL is a feeder. It’s one of the many ways she shows she loves us. My mother is nothing like her so it took me a while to get used to having stuff bought for me and my kids (they’re my partner’s stepchildren) like that but I can’t get worked up about it.

Annoying as it might be for you, maybe your MIL is the same? I’d in all honesty just accept the stuff and anything you won’t use that’s dry goods for example, I’d put in the food bank at the shops. It’s not worth falling out about. Any comments about what you personally eat I’d counter politely as that’s no one else’s business but yours.