Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter says I am being unreasonable

112 replies

Batteriesnotincluded1 · 21/01/2023 13:17

After some perspective please.
DD 15, says I am being over protective for not allowing her and her friend to attend a gig at a venue on an evening in our city centre without an adult. She says 'but all my friends go to gigs alone'.
Bearing in mind this is Birmingham city Centre for context.
It just doesn't sit right with me. She has her whole adult life to go to gigs etc but while I can protect her, I will.
I don't keep her under lock and key before anyone suggests that, she is allowed out local with her friends.
Aibu?

OP posts:
CrocodileShoooooesCrocodileShoes · 21/01/2023 13:20

Can't you drop them off and pick them up?

They don't really need an adult to go in with them imo.

ghostyslovesheets · 21/01/2023 13:20

How is she getting home? My 14 year old goes into Birmingham with her mate on the train for shopping but not at night - my older 2 have gone at night since about 17 and Ubered back.

Would she let you drop her off and pick her up?

Dacadactyl · 21/01/2023 13:20

My response to this depends on your DDs general attitude and prior experiences really .

Does she go to parties?

Has she had a drink before?

Ever got drunk?

General attitude to you, your household, respectfulness, studies?

Go to the city centre with friends and get about by public transport?

purplecorkheart · 21/01/2023 13:24

Would the venue even allow them in at 15?

Original poster
Batteriesnotincluded1 · 21/01/2023 13:25

Dacadactyl · 21/01/2023 13:20

My response to this depends on your DDs general attitude and prior experiences really .

Does she go to parties?

Has she had a drink before?

Ever got drunk?

General attitude to you, your household, respectfulness, studies?

Go to the city centre with friends and get about by public transport?

She's a good kid with her own mind, attitude to studies is very poor though, her recent mocks were absolutely shocking, it's like she's thrown the towel in.
She's had supervised drinks and been a little tipsy but nothing major. She's used to public transport as gets buses with her friends during the daytime but never into town.

OP posts:
Original poster
Batteriesnotincluded1 · 21/01/2023 13:26

purplecorkheart · 21/01/2023 13:24

Would the venue even allow them in at 15?

Yes that was the first thing she threw at me...no lower age limit.

OP posts:
Stressfordays · 21/01/2023 13:26

I was going to gigs with friends at 14/15. Usually dropped off by a parent but occasionally on a train or hired mini bus depending on where it was.

I actually remember going to see busted at 13 with just 1 friend. We were dropped off in Nottingham by parents, they went for a meal while we were in the concert then they waited by the exit for us to pick us up. I was quite a mollycoddled kid too.

Careeradviceplease1234 · 21/01/2023 13:26

Generally I would think she should be allowed to go to the gig herself provided pick her up. That was how my parents did things and it really helped me build up my confidence and independence.

Iwrotethelyricstoaxlf · 21/01/2023 13:26

Will the venue let them in without someone over the age of 16.

If not. Case closed.

Careeradviceplease1234 · 21/01/2023 13:27

*provided you pick her up.

ShinyMe · 21/01/2023 13:27

I think a big part is who the gig is. Boyband in an arena, fine. Thrash metal punk in a dive bar, less so.

Original poster
Batteriesnotincluded1 · 21/01/2023 13:28

ShinyMe · 21/01/2023 13:27

I think a big part is who the gig is. Boyband in an arena, fine. Thrash metal punk in a dive bar, less so.

It's a tribute band, think Indie type.

OP posts:
Stressfordays · 21/01/2023 13:28

ShinyMe · 21/01/2023 13:27

I think a big part is who the gig is. Boyband in an arena, fine. Thrash metal punk in a dive bar, less so.

My emo days at 14 in rock city we're the best though 🤣

NerrSnerr · 21/01/2023 13:29

Can you pick her up? My parents were really strict but I still went to a few gigs at that age. We'd get the train there and get picked up to go home.

Mamoun · 21/01/2023 13:29

I wouldn't let a young teen go out after very poor exam results and bad attitudes to studying.
I would start trusting them with play time when they show me that study time is being taken seriously.
Stick to your guns, her priority should be school.

HandbagsnGladrags · 21/01/2023 13:30

I agree with her - you're being over protective.

Iam4eels · 21/01/2023 13:31

She's got to increase her independence sooner or later for the sake of her progression towards adulthood. I know it's hard but she needs na opportunity to prove she can act sensibly and be trusted. Tell her you'll drop her off/pick her up after and that this is her chance to prove herself so you expect her to show you she's capable.

newnamethanks · 21/01/2023 13:31

Glad to see the current generation still relying on the old standby 'everyone else's mum lets them . . . '.

TaxCreditsQ · 21/01/2023 13:32

Mamoun · 21/01/2023 13:29

I wouldn't let a young teen go out after very poor exam results and bad attitudes to studying.
I would start trusting them with play time when they show me that study time is being taken seriously.
Stick to your guns, her priority should be school.

Not every child is academic. I have never linked my child's leisure time to their academic attainment, revoking downtime is not a healthy punishment.

Coffeellama · 21/01/2023 13:32

YABU, I’d drop off and pick up and give her a shot at independence.

Breadcrumbsforall · 21/01/2023 13:32

Mamoun · 21/01/2023 13:29

I wouldn't let a young teen go out after very poor exam results and bad attitudes to studying.
I would start trusting them with play time when they show me that study time is being taken seriously.
Stick to your guns, her priority should be school.

This.

ReamsOfCheese · 21/01/2023 13:33

ShinyMe · 21/01/2023 13:27

I think a big part is who the gig is. Boyband in an arena, fine. Thrash metal punk in a dive bar, less so.

Having been to a lot of gigs, the ones I felt safest at were the thrash metal or punk bands in dive bars. They don't tend to attract the same crowd of scalpers, knock-off T-shirt sellers, pickpockets etc.

3peassuit · 21/01/2023 13:33

I let my DDs go to gigs at that age. As long as I or another parent took them there and collected them at an agreed time and place, I couldn’t see a problem.

alfagirl73 · 21/01/2023 13:35

I see no harm in her going to a gig at that age - if it's transport you're worried about, perhaps let her travel in with her friend on her own but pick her up? Or drop them off and pick them up? My parents were pretty strict but I was going to gigs at that age - usually dropped off/picked up. My mum, bless her, allowed me to go see my fave band at age 12 with some older teens who were kids of family friends. My mum dropped me off and parked up nearby for the entire duration of the gig to wait for us to come out. I didn't always get on with my mum but I thought that was one of the coolest things she did - she knew how badly I wanted to go to that gig and was prepared to do that to make it happen.

Paq · 21/01/2023 13:39

I would be okay with this if they were sensible kids. But I'd pick them up after.