Daughter says I am being unreasonable

[Batteriesnotincluded1]

After some perspective please.
DD 15, says I am being over protective for not allowing her and her friend to attend a gig at a venue on an evening in our city centre without an adult. She says 'but all my friends go to gigs alone'.
Bearing in mind this is Birmingham city Centre for context.
It just doesn't sit right with me. She has her whole adult life to go to gigs etc but while I can protect her, I will.
I don't keep her under lock and key before anyone suggests that, she is allowed out local with her friends.
Aibu?

It depends how sensible the child (and friend) are. Have you spoken to friends parents about their view?
I would say yes, drop and collect, and say this is her chance to prove she is sensible and responsible. As if not then she won't be trusted to go out events like this again. Talk about what she's allowed to do - ie. In venue, stay together, where to meet and what time for pick up etc. mobile phone reception at large events is non existent as too many people/phones.

I was prepared to let DD do this aged 14 in London, albeit I'd meet them at the venue afterwards; didn't happen in the end as they weren't able to go to the gig.

Do you REALLY believe that stopping a child from going out will encourage her to study harder?

I was going to gigs at 14, no issues.

Drop them and collect them, I really can't see the problem.

I don't think her attitude to studying is relevant unless she is asking to go out every night.

Your description of her sounds very like me at 15, and I've had teenagers of my own, so can see different perspectives. I would base it on how easy it is for her to get home safely. If she can catch a relatively well-used bus, or the venue is next to a taxi rank, or you can pick her up, then I'd let her go. If she'd have to cross town to a metro station and then hang around waiting for a train I'd be less keen. All the same, if between you and the other girls' parents you can make it happen, I'd try to enable it. She'll be more likely to agree to study if there is a counterbalance of fun things in her life, if my example is anything to go by, anyway.

She’s be far safer at a metal gig in a dive bar than in an arena I guarantee you that!

I think I’d let her go tbh, it sounds an easy way to give a bit of freedom.

Not sure why you haven't answered about picking her up? I was going to gigs in Glasgow at the age of 14 - parents dropped us off, went for meal, and picked us up again. They need to learn independence and navigating tricky situations. I'm sure she'll be fine. To be honest the current trend of many teenagers staying in their safe bedroom but simultaneously isolating themselves with phones and all the associated crap on the internet is more harmful imo.

I think it’s unreasonable to say outright no tbh. I’d drop off, wait nearby and pick up if it were me. I went to concerts and gigs at that age and that’s what my parents did.

My DD is almost 15 and there's no way I would be ok with that.

I find Digbeth a bit sketchy at the best of times. Maybe if you went with them and stayed in the venue or very nearby, definitely drop off and pick up.

Even just getting to Digbeth from the city centre means walking past sex shops and drunks!

I think it's absolutely fine as long as you arrange to collect them afterwards.

I was getting the train to gigs after school at that age and then back again - someone's mum would then collect us from the train station.

Mine loved a gig at that age. Dh would drop her and her friends then pick them up (we lived 20 mins from the city). They stuck together. And it was always bloody good bribery for getting work in at school. If she studied and kept her grades up etc then we would get her gig tickets and lifts off dad.

How is that anecdote relevant to the OP?

We're talking about her DD being dropped off with her friend (presumably of the same age) and being picked up after the gig. What exactly do you think is going to happen?

Good luck trying to keep a teenager in til they're 18. It's massively controling and will hinder their development. It could also lead to bullying.

I would let her go as long as i know who she is going with and is generally trustworthy. If you are worried offer to drop and collect her - I doubly there will be too much trouble in the actual venue

The Institute? If so its very well staffed and safe.

Could you drop her off and pick her up?

Thankyou for all your replies, I can drop and collect so no problem there and that would make me happier about it. I think the issue is the 'friend' is a bit of a tearaway and has dabbled in drugs and what not and makes me feel uneasy, however, my dd does know her own mind and I trust her to make the right choices.

I would first of all check the age limit for the gig to make sure she is allowed in without an adult.

I used to take my daughter and friends to concerts in Manchester and use it as an excuse for a date night with DH. So we would drop them off, go to the Trafford Centre for a bit of shopping and a nice meal and then go back and pick them up. We had a pre-arranged meeting spot and it worked well. They felt independent but we were reassured because we were nearby.

I haven’t read the full thread but are you sure she’s even allowed to go alone? My DD is 15 and has been to a few gigs at venues here (someone mentioned Rock City earlier!!) which sound similar to what your DD wants to do. They have all been 14+ but under 16s need to be accompanied by an adult. I d assume this is a blanket rule across the country? She has always been asked for her passport as well and she looks older than 15. So it might not even be an issue it might be that she must be accompanied.

if I m wrong about the age restrictions then I would d let my DD go with a friend but I d drop them off and pick them up. I was in pubs and clubs in Newcastle every Friday night at 15!

I was travelling into London, some distance on the train and back to see big rock / metal gigs by the end of year 11. Think David Bowie, the Cult and the Cure. My dd is year 10. No way would I be ok with this, at least I don’t think so in 18 months time. But a local venue, yes, I would have to agree even though I’d feel nervous.

@Coasterfan
I was also regularly out in pubs, not so much clubs as it wasn’t my scene at 15.

My parents wouldn't let me go anywhere like that at 15. I still went.... they just didn't know. Hence, Ive never barred my 3 from going anywhere, I've put fair & reasonable conditions in place, but I know what'd happen if I kept flat refusing.

I was going to gigs (and clubbing) in Manchester at that age, using public transport. Nothing bad ever happened to me or my friends, rather we learnt how to deal with various situations. Teens are too sheltered these days, especially with Covid isolation over the last couple of years. She needs to develop her independence and become streetwise, otherwise, if she does get her act together academically and goes to university, she runs the risk of getting into tricky situations or going off the rails big-time.

Totally disagree with this. Son 16 went to see Elbow at Millenium Square in Leeds - middle class women fighting and one ripped the others earrings out of her ears. He was disgusted by the drunk so called adults off their faces on god knows what.

Best gig behaviour at Rock City in Nottingham - all sorts of metal/punk. Fantastic atmosphere - if you fall down, you pick them up.

Mine go but usually drop off and pick up.

Let her travel there with friend then you pick them both up afterwards. I frequently collected my granddaughter from Birmingham centre after gigs, it's absolutely rammed with groups out partying! She would be safe waiting for you at an agreed hotel frontage etc.

Yes that must be a worry if you know her friend has dabbled in drugs, but I think stopping her from going to the concert will just make her resentful and angry, whereas agreeing she can go but you will pick her up demonstrates that you do listen to her and are prepared to increase her independence.