Page 3 | Daughter says I am being unreasonable

MzHz · 21/01/2023 14:25

My parents took me and my sis and dropped us at Hammersmith Apollo, went for a meal and picked us up from outside afterwards

would that work? My sister would have been 15, I was a bit older, but it was just us two. If she’s going with a group of others I’d absolutely support this.

pointythings · 21/01/2023 14:25

I'm with your DD here as long as she agrees to being picked up by you. My DD2 went to a gig at 14, with 2 friends. I dropped them off, hung out in a pub being sober, drove them all home. They had a great time.

When I was 14 I went to a stadium gig with a friend and we went home on public transport by ourselves. No issues.

MrNook · 21/01/2023 14:27

What kind of venue is it in?

My mum used to drop me off at gigs when I was 14/15 at o2 academy type places where we all had to be out by 10 so the club nights could start and there was always lots of security guards around so felt safe

mozzachester · 21/01/2023 14:28

I think it's absolutely fine if they're dropped off and picked up.

Yes, 1 bad event has happened recently in Digbeth, but the same things happen in most cities.

Anotheranonymousname · 21/01/2023 14:29

Provided she and the friend could be trusted to stay together, I'd let them go. DC1 missed out on lots of booked gigs at the same age because of the pandemic when they had their wings well and truly clipped - missing out on some of those rites of passage with friends was really disappointing and a number of them have lost much of their desire to be independent and travel further afield so I'd absolutely encourage it.

If your DD doesn't already know it, make sure she has your mobile number written down somewhere in case her phone dies and she needs to ask someone to call you though.

katseyes7 · 21/01/2023 14:30

I was 13 when l went to my first gig in 1972. And that was in Newcastle, 15 miles from home. A small group of us, we got the bus home. None of our parents had cars.
Can't you pick them up?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/01/2023 14:34

Could she ‘earn’ the right to go by doing better at her school work, @Batteriesnotincluded1?

”If you show me you can be mature by bipuckling down to your studies, I will let you go to the gig without an adult, dd - but I will be collecting you afterwards.”

neverbeenskiing · 21/01/2023 14:34

You sound like my DM, not allowed to do what my peers did for mild unspecified fears.

Mine was the same. Consequently, when I left home to go to university I didn't know how to handle that level of freedom, I was very naive and I got myself into a lot of trouble. Much better to take gradual, age appropriate steps towards independence.

NameChange005 · 21/01/2023 14:34

It's up to you of course, but I don't see the issue if someone picks them up after.

Cocobutt · 21/01/2023 14:49

Is it the gig you are concerned about or going into town?

I wouldn’t be concerned about the gig itself but I would compromise and pick them up from outside afterwards.

Mrsjayy · 21/01/2023 14:51

Batteriesnotincluded1 · 21/01/2023 13:17

After some perspective please.
DD 15, says I am being over protective for not allowing her and her friend to attend a gig at a venue on an evening in our city centre without an adult. She says 'but all my friends go to gigs alone'.
Bearing in mind this is Birmingham city Centre for context.
It just doesn't sit right with me. She has her whole adult life to go to gigs etc but while I can protect her, I will.
I don't keep her under lock and key before anyone suggests that, she is allowed out local with her friends.
Aibu?

when mine were that age .dh would drop them off and pick them up would you be happy with that ?

RandomPerson42 · 21/01/2023 14:51

I know it’s a worry but I started going to gigs with friends aged 13, parents took us and picked us up.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 21/01/2023 14:57

ShinyMe · 21/01/2023 13:27

I think a big part is who the gig is. Boyband in an arena, fine. Thrash metal punk in a dive bar, less so.

One of the most painfully out-of-touch middle class things I've read on here, and there are a lot of contenders.

OP, she's right. Loosen the apron strings.

DaveyJonesLocker · 21/01/2023 15:01

YABU we went to gigs at 15. Got the train there and back. We got wankered in the town centre, cadged a spliff off some random, I snogged a gay lad and a straight girl apparently and my mate gave a lad a blowie in a Bush.... so maybe YANBU

clary · 21/01/2023 15:03

My dd was going to the odd gig and certainly shows at the theatre in Nottingham at this age. She would go on a bus with a friend and I would pick them up.

The attitude to study is another matter but not to be linked to this imho

AnotherRainyWeek · 21/01/2023 15:04

YABU Better enjoying live music than hanging around parks / house parties. Gig venues are well policed. Give her a lift back if needs be. Gigs were the best part of my teen years .

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 21/01/2023 15:07

At that age, we allowed DC to go to gigs on there own (ie we didn't go to that concerts with them) but took them and collected them.Didn't like the thought of them getting public transport back when the concert finished (a large city and by 10:30 wouldn't want them travelling unaccompanied). DH and I would go for a meal while we waited or share drop off / collection with their friends' parents)

MaxHeat · 21/01/2023 15:09

At 14, I got a coach with friends to another city to see a rock band. I was ok although a few things happened that mean I wouldn’t let my child do it at that age. However I would let them go as long as I dropped them and picked them up.

I wouldn’t accept a bad attitude to school and giving up though.

rainbowstardrops · 21/01/2023 15:13

I'd agree to it on the understanding that they got dropped off by you or the other parent and picked up again

dworky · 21/01/2023 15:20

I think an average 15 yr old should be able to attend a gig.

budgiegirl · 21/01/2023 15:23

I allowed my then 15yo DD to go to gigs in B'ham with her friend (two gigs were in Digbeth, one at the Arena) We did drop off, stay for a meal or cinema, then pick up after, but that's mostly because we live an hour away, and public transport isn't all that good to our area in the evening.

mathanxiety · 21/01/2023 15:24

You're being a bit unreasonable here.

Your DD should be allowed to take a bus into town independently with her friends. When do you think it will be time for her to develop street smarts?

You could drop her and ger friend off and pick them up again for the gig.

The question of her motivation in school might be related to feeling she's not really allowed to take responsibility for herself, not allowed enough freedom.

jmh740 · 21/01/2023 15:27

I let my daughter go to gigs in Manchester with her best friend I usually drive them there and wait around until it ends. I trust them to be sensible. I work in a high school and a lot of the year 11s go to gigs with their friends without an adult. I would try and find a way to support her going that you are both comfortable with.

zighead · 21/01/2023 15:28

My son started to go to gigs when he was 15 but I am happy to pick him up after. Even though he is now 16, I tend to still pick him up. He makes his own way there by bus. Most venues allow 14 years and above without an adult.

Danikm151 · 21/01/2023 15:28

I think it depends on the venue… the institute or the academy yeah. The asylum or subside.. no chance 🤣 but venues have rules and generally over 14s are ok without an adult.
i was going to gigs at the academy from 12. Teenculture at 15.
They have security and she’s 15 not 11.
Give her this chance to prove herself.