Daughter says I am being unreasonable

[Batteriesnotincluded1]

After some perspective please.
DD 15, says I am being over protective for not allowing her and her friend to attend a gig at a venue on an evening in our city centre without an adult. She says 'but all my friends go to gigs alone'.
Bearing in mind this is Birmingham city Centre for context.
It just doesn't sit right with me. She has her whole adult life to go to gigs etc but while I can protect her, I will.
I don't keep her under lock and key before anyone suggests that, she is allowed out local with her friends.
Aibu?

I went to my first gig at the Queen Margaret Union in Glasgow when I was 15. And I lived by train over 20 miles away.
Managed to get there by myself on the train and then subway, enjoy the gig, subway back in train and walked home all on my own.

Cut the strings a bit OP. She’s 15 and with friends. Let her go!

My DD's both went to gigs in Birmingham at that age with friends. Sometimes I dropped them off or they would Uber or black cab from outside venue
Also did NEC gigs with friends on the train - Arctic Monkeys were a bit hairy and DD came home covered in all sorts of stuff from standing near the mosh pit

I would let her go on the provison you collect her but that she starts to take her work seriously.

I always think it's strange how we just expect DC to take studies seriously when they need motivation.

Is she good at work? What does she want to do?

Does she need support.

How can you help her rather than blaming her.
I had an appalling attitude to work because I had knowntrauma. .my DC both have a very good attitude to work however one finds it easier than the other.

Unless something goes drastically wrong it's very much instilled in them both and it would be hugely surprisingly if rh

I have a 17 and a 15 year old. At 17 she's completely fine to go with a same age friend obviously. I'm not thrilled when she does the long public transport journey home very late at night completely alone without a friend but if the event is with friends who live in the opposite direction I've picked her up from the station.

At 15 I'd allow it but collect from the venue - travel there with friend/ s by public transport by themselves but a parent collects.

I try not to stop them doing things but to just mitigate risk a bit and let them become independent gradually rather than go from completely supervised to completely on their own in one giant leap!

They "suddenly went off course".
So either she's always had a poor attitude and if so why or something has happened?

So you won’t let her go and listen to good music for a fun night out with friends, at a venue that allows her age.

But you have given her “supervised drinking”.

I know which I think is more beneficial for a child 🤷🏻‍♀️

15 and never been into town without mummy protecting her?
time to loosen the apron strings.

I think you are. For context my same age DS went to a boxing match at the O2 recently with his friends. I'd go as far as saying a gig in a large seated venue is probably one of the safer ends of teen entertainment.

First time into the city centre alone?

I'd be saying yes but being nearby. So on the same bus, eating at a nearby pub, meeting them afterwards to travel back together. Find my phone set up on her mobile. Not that I don't trust my DD so much as she might not be equipped for what others might do. This way she and her friend have opportunity to develop familiarity with the transport, route to the venue etc without adult intervention but there's a safety net.

Age limit for not being accompanied by an adult was usually 14 back when I used to go to gigs (at 14).

Someone's parents would always drop us off and pick us up though.

Her DD is more likely to be safe in a Punk/Thrash Metal gig than a boyband tbh. Punks/Rockers are much more caring of the people around them than idiots who follow boy bands.

Wtf does her exam results have to do with it? You should be allowed to see friends, develop independence and have fun even if your whole existence doesn’t revolve around school and exams. There is so much more to life that can only be acquired outside of a contolled learning facility.

@TaxCreditsQ

Completely agree that no every child is academic.
Her mum has however sais that she has a bad attitude to studies and "has thrown the towel"

Well in my opinion it is important to teach them that actions (or lack of) has consequences.

When she's older if she doesn't work she won't be able to afford nice this, like a night out.

OP are you preparing your daughter for the real world or some sort of themed park?

OP, which area of the Centre is it in? I think 15 and unaccompanied is a bit young really, 17+ would be better.. but i'm speaking from when i used to go out in the Centre when i was younger.. i wouldn't have liked being around the night life by The Pallasades for Instance xD

@Snoken exam results have everything to do with it. Actually not the results in themselves but the work ethics.

Nothing comes for free in life! She wants to have fun and socialise, fair enough, well first she needs to show that she is trying to do well.

I am glad that my parents taught me this and I now have good work ethics and a comfortable way of life thanks to it!

Digbeth 😒 and we all know what happened there recently.

Thanks everyone for your perspectives. I am aware her studies are important but I don't ground her for poor performance at school. She knows she has to do better in order to get the grades to get into college.

In two minds myself..... while unsupervised trips into town at night to see a band at 15 seems fraught with potential danger, the risks can be managed by organising lifts etc, plus these days teens have mobile phones etc .....

I remember being the strictly controlled only child in the 80s who wasn't allowed anywhere until I was 17 / 18 and it impacted my friendships and left me a bit isolated - plus when I went off to drama college at 19 I stereotypically went a bit off the rails and was way behind my peers in terms of social and emotional development....

Funny anecdote though..... at 14 Spandau Ballet played our local Pavilion Theatre.... of course "everyone" in my year was going, and I begged and pleaded but was flat out refused permission to go.

Fast forward a few weeks after the gig and we had TOTP on - my parents very generous concession to having a teenager in the house.... Spandau Ballet came on, all shiny suits, ties and slicked back hair, prompting my DM to ask why I couldn't want to go and see a "nice" band like that..... through gritted teeth I pointed out that was Spandau Ballet..... apparently DM thought the name of the band was "some sort of unsuitable avant grade dance troupe" ......

I learned a strong lesson in communication from that.......

Poor performance is different to throwing the towel. To be the two things are related.
Of course she can have fun but she should play her part of the bargain!
Do as you wish OP, best of luck!

18yrs would be my minimum age for a pop concert. They've got many years ahead where they can do this stuff with their friends as adults.

My friend's little sister tagged along with us when we were older teens (parents insisted) and she ended up pregnant at 16 and has several kids now and a sad shitty life as a single parent.

I do blame her parents for thinking that treating them both equally regardless of the age difference, was fair. 🤦🏻‍♀️ She was exposed to stuff she shouldn't have been at that age.

I don’t think it’s an issue going to gigs at that age but would want to drop them off and pick them up so that they’re not wandering round town and on public transport late at night.

I used to go with friends at that age (some as young as 13 as we’d have younger siblings with us). You do find some venues have a policy that under 16’s need to be accompanied by a 16+ but it usually says on the tickets.

I tended to find the majority of people look out for each other at gigs. I had a complete stranger find my shoe for me once as a teen (I lost it after my foot got trodden on in a mosh pit). I’ve also seen others picking people up off the floor or getting security to help if someone’s felt unwell. There are always a few idiots, but going to gigs as a teen are some of my fondest memories.

I wouldn't have an issue with it but at 14 I was getting the train up to London with my mates to go to gigs every other weekend. To see the dreaded punk/heavy metal bands no less.

My DD15 is going to a small gig in nightclub a local big town completely alone. She wants to see the singer and no friends do (and it was virtually impossible to get a ticket!)

I will pick her up after although it's not a late finish as they need to clear everyone out to get the clubbing crowd in.

You sound like my DM, not allowed to do what my peers did for mild unspecified fears. Yes of course she has her whole adult life to go to concerts, but her friends are going to this concert now.

Let her go, but pick her up - it's the obvious compromise.

There’s nothing wrong with going to gigs at that age imo, it’s really only the travelling through the city late at night that would worry me so I would collect. What is it you’re worried about re: the gig itself? Venues are usually fairly strict about underage drinking these days so she’s far less likely to be drinking than she would be at a house party.

Im taking my DD10 to a gig and I know the venue will not allow under 14’s in without an adult… 14 and over fine though. If it was a pretty special gig I’d probably drop her off and hang around to collect her afterwards - I wouldn’t be doing that weekly though.