To be disturbed by what I heard

[Mtngfres]

Seeing the post about not wanting to share life stories at work has reminded me of a group training exercise I did just a few weeks ago that involved sharing and being vulnerable.

Everyone felt comfortable and shared some difficult things about their childhood. Mine were fairly tame compared to others - parents divorcing, low self esteem, bit of depression etc.

It turned out that nearly half the room had been victims of some pretty terrible abuse. Details were revealed that I won't go into but I've been left feeling quite disturbed by what I heard. One story in particular was so horrific and everyone cried, including the very unemotional men.

I see rationale for being open in these settings and admire this person for their bravery at speaking about it but a few weeks later I feel so disturbed by what I heard and part of me wishes I'd not heard it. It's not that I see them differently or don't feel sympathy for their ordeal but I just didn't expect that level of revelation in a training setting and its floored me.

They also shook and cried a lot when they told it and so it's clearly still very very raw and difficult for them.

Maybe IBU for feeling like this - I just felt unprepared to hear those things and I guess horrified that it happened to so many in the room. The world can be such a terrible place.

Not appropriate and it may make people feel like they have too share.

When I first did an NCT thing I over shared and I always regret it but I thought we had too and it's useful and looking back it was utter crap.

What needs to happen to make idiot employers stop doing this is for the folks who went through it to take days off work afterwards on stress after being traumatised by this exercise. When employers realise that this can only damage their business they won’t be inclined to run any more sessions.

This. While people meekly go along with this charade, these employers will carry on doing things like this.

I can hardly believe people are sniping that the OP is making it all about her.

Threads on sensitive subjects on MN often come with a trigger warning so why is it OK to go to your place of work and feel coerced into sharing your own traumatic experiences or listening to the traumatic experiences of your colleagues.

This is grossly inappropriate and unecessary in a work environment. I do think HR need to know you are still troubled by it weeks later. No one needs to take their whole self to work, just the professional bits required to do the job.

You are entitled to your own feelings too there’s nothing wrong with that - it’s not wrong or incorrect to have feelings or empathy for others - empathy is feeling.

To those who have experienced trauma I am truly sorry.
However please don’t judge the OP and how she feels about a situation she found herself in, she is allowed to be upset by something she has seen or heard.

The training sounds unprofessional at best and unethical at worst. I’d complain - not from my point of view necessarily- but for those who were coerced into perhaps discussing or disclosing things they were not ready too.

At what point did people start to think it's a good idea to ask people to unpack their trauma in a workplace setting, in front of colleagues with no professional guidance and preamble/work around it.

The ethics of this are actually shocking.

I completely agree with this. I'm sure OP understands it wasn't great for the person who divulged either.

There's a reason counsellors are trained.

I think that is a very normal reaction. I'm sorry this happened to you all.

There's a reason counsellors are trained.

Yep. And also a reason why counselling is confidential, rather than broadcast in on a live stream from the counsellor’s office.

Very inappropriate and unethical.
Nothing good comes from these things. It just gives companies fodder to abuse and manipulate their employees.

That said, the few times I was forced into doing this shit, in the name of "bonding" and "teambuilding", I had a few made up anecdotes to share that were harmless and couldn't be used against me. Something like being sad about a lost dog as a child. Ticked the box for being a "team player"

You know your workplace better than anyone here on how to handle this.
Don't hesitate to get some counseling if you feel traumatised.

Agree it’s inappropriate but don’t understand why people are saying people would be “forced” to share.

No one is forced to do anything. Simply don’t share, unless you want to do so. It’s a work training session. They are not inside your head.

I’m not articulating this well. I just don’t understand how you can be forced to reveal anything to anyone.

Hell would freeze over before I “revealed my trauma” in a work group session. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to go along with that.

We did this as a drama exercise in highschool and one girl told us her father wasn’t really her father. Doing this as adults would be traumatic. There is absolutely no point. I don’t want people knowing about me. I worked with someone who knew my trauma and used that against me. It was evil.

That sounds totally appropriate situation with work colleagues to be put into and very unproffesioanally handled. Assuming they arent offering any back up support? Its obvious that people can get upset and they need support.

This sounds like a terrible experience for everyone concerned. I understand your feelings, you're not making it all about you. I really do feel that you need to make a complaint to HR and/or management about this training session, it sounds highly inappropriate to me for any workplace. Not that I've worked for a company which gives training like this for a long time, but still.

Are you able to share the training provider? I would be very interested to look into their qualifications.

i feel dreadfully sorry for your colleague & I think that the workplace activity was very likely to be inappropriate (unless, perhaps, you work in some sort of mental health setting, and even then, I’m not sure it’s acceptable).

I have had some training regarding acute/crisis mental health, including past abuse, & worked as a phone volunteer. I also have a traumatic personal history that I won’t go into here.

One of the things that victims of abuse, neglect or other horrific experiences often find difficult, whether they were ongoing or one-off events, is to know how to share, and who to share with. Some dive in and tell everyone everything, and they are, unfortunately, often seen as attention-seekers, but they are just trying to make sense of what happened, and perhaps repeat it until it feels and sounds normal. Maybe they are tying to ensure that people understand how common trauma is, or perhaps they didn’t feel listened to, supported, or believed by the people who matter most, and so they keep seeking to be heard.

Others say nothing at all to anyone.

Given this, your workplace should have put much more thought into how they delivered the session, if at all: what were they hoping or expecting people to share? How did they plan to set parameters to ensure everyone understood what was suitable material for sharing? What change did they hope for by holding the session? Was the format of the session likely to make this change?

You sound nice.

OP, your childhood trauma is just as valid as anyone elses. There isnt bigger and smaller trauma. Trauma isnt the thing that happened but your internal reaction to it. Please try not to feel bad about the reaction you had to this event as it has been really badly handled. They really should provide counselling for working through your emotional response. It may be more efficient if you seek help independently though.

This is bullshit. You need to make a complaint.

Someone has given this the green light with no real thought or understanding for the harm they are doing. Amateur, woke and dangerous bollocks . Not fair on anyone and not remotely necessary for an office work environment.

Maybe they couldn't hold it in whatever they were dealing with. Compassion goes a long way here. It may not have been appropriate to share at that event but I'm sure whatever the experience was caused a lot of trauma and all rationale goes out of the window.

Absolutely this!

I think that's completely inappropriate for a work event. I would be making a formal complaint to HR, if it were me. Not only is that person's trauma no one at work's business, but putting vulnerable people in the position where they feel pushed to share traumatic experiences with a roomful of their colleagues, who they have to face at work every day afterwards, is abusive IMO. The rest of you in the room were also abused by having to sit there and here something terrible that (at least you OP) did not want to hear. Please complain.

Ive been invited to "share" like this before and I've refused to even go. I've cited mental health problems. These people are not trained to deal with trauma, work is not the place to deal with trauma. People with mental health problems or past trauma should never have to go to these sessions, I don't want anyone at work to hear the abuse I went through as a child. Its none of their damned business.
I would sue if they made me go and they know it so I haven't been invited again.

Just WHY would a work setting (excluding a counselling /coaching/ psychotherapy business) benefit from this??

I simply think it is a fad and a dangerous one. I would flat out refuse to participate and refuse to sit and listen to others being manipulated to reveal traumatic things that could be used to embarrass, manipulate or bully them with by others.

In group therapy people only share their stuff if and when they are ready and with help of a trained proffessional. People in group therapy are not allowed to form relationships outside of the group.
The whole thing as you describe it is disguasting and highly unproffesional and harmful. Completelly wrong on so many levels.