To be disturbed by what I heard

[Mtngfres]

Seeing the post about not wanting to share life stories at work has reminded me of a group training exercise I did just a few weeks ago that involved sharing and being vulnerable.

Everyone felt comfortable and shared some difficult things about their childhood. Mine were fairly tame compared to others - parents divorcing, low self esteem, bit of depression etc.

It turned out that nearly half the room had been victims of some pretty terrible abuse. Details were revealed that I won't go into but I've been left feeling quite disturbed by what I heard. One story in particular was so horrific and everyone cried, including the very unemotional men.

I see rationale for being open in these settings and admire this person for their bravery at speaking about it but a few weeks later I feel so disturbed by what I heard and part of me wishes I'd not heard it. It's not that I see them differently or don't feel sympathy for their ordeal but I just didn't expect that level of revelation in a training setting and its floored me.

They also shook and cried a lot when they told it and so it's clearly still very very raw and difficult for them.

Maybe IBU for feeling like this - I just felt unprepared to hear those things and I guess horrified that it happened to so many in the room. The world can be such a terrible place.

My first thought was that sounds wildly inappropriate for a team building exercise. How on earth were people ok with that?

This is not appropriate for work in any setting.

This is appalling. I just can't understand how people might think this is a good idea.

It could totally retraumatise people who've experienced horrendous events. And companies are actually monetising this under the (presumed) guise of opening up and getting to know staff better.

I actually think that's quite bad, because it can be traumatic for an unqualified person to process alone. I'd report this excerise to hr, so that it doesn't happen again. It's not right.

This is unethical.

I think it’s disgusting that employers are doing this kind of thing, and largely in the name of being “progressive”. I endured a similar event at work: a university, but the event (on racism) was run by an external facilitator. I was reduced to tears in front of colleagues, including some that I manage. The whole thing was deeply humiliating: I (by virtue of being the only person in the room who was not white) was turned into a spectacle for my otherwise entirely white colleagues to gawp at. Of course, the white activist type who organised the re-education, sorry training, wasn’t remotely interested in having viewpoints from someone who wasn’t white that might complicate their self-absorbed SJW mission.

Like a pp said, trauma bonding to make someone else more money.

But then I'm not convinced with the whole bring your wholeself to work movement. Work used to be a reprieve.

Meant to add, I do think people need to complain about these events. They’re an appalling abuse of the employer’s power and highly unethical.

This

The theory is that high performing teams trust each other and that trust can be accelerated through mutual vulnerability.

What a fantastic symbol of late capitalism. Harnessing trauma for ...productivity!

Sounds like one of those “cleansing” Scientology sessions!

SO inappropriate and completely not the time and place for revelations like that. How arrogant/irresponsible of the company to think it’s ok.

Complain to HR - in fact try and get others to complain with you - people shouldn’t be subjected to that. I’m a confident person and wouldn’t feel under pressure to share anything private about my life to a room full of strangers - but many won’t have the confidence to opt out. I wonder how the person with the horrific story feels now?

I have just done a day's training on trauma with an external trainer. The trainer stressed that no one should share anything if they weren't comfortable. He warned beforehand what each section would be about. Throughout the day he checked if anyone needed some time out.

I would say that this training has possible re traumatised some people, totally unethical. OP I would be complaining to HR but have you also got access to an employment assistance programme where you can speak to someone?

I’m retired, but when I was at work training sessions where you were asked to ‘share’ meant sharing some innocent fact about yourself that no one knew, such as that you sang in a choir. I cannot see what can be gained by the kind of sharing being discussed here. Massively intrusive, quite manipulative and very unlikely to help you as an employee.

Sorry this happened. Sounds totally inappropriate for work, I'd speak to your boss x

If ever this type of training was organised at my work place I would refuse to take part full stop. I have trauma in my past and in no way do I want to share it, nor would I want to hear anyone else’s trauma that I might find triggering. I’m disgusted that work places are expecting people to share these types of things then just sent home after to deal with the aftermath. I’m also appalled at what a pp was put through at the racism event. Absolutely complain. People need to speak up and say how they feel about these types or things.

The theory is that high performing teams trust each other and that trust can be accelerated through mutual vulnerability.

Or how about, and I know this is a wild concept, people just go to work, do the job they are paid to do and then go home.

But no, let’s traumatise people under the guise of making them work better together to make corporations more money.

The more people who refuse to go along with this bullshit, the quicker it will be stamped out.

I think many of us felt safer in the workplace when unspoken professional boundaries were respected. Also from the point of view of the people hearing it.
It even annoys me when someone is ill and we have to enter the illness on the HR system. I think that's a gross infringement of privacy, to be expected to reveal such personal details.

I thought it was bad when during training a group of grown adults were expected to stand in a circle and throw beanbags to each other in the name of "teamwork"(I declined)

No idea where you work or why this would be considered appropriate OP, it sounds dangerous and unethical outside a therapeutic setting which all participants are fully signed up to and is carefully managed. If you have a union I would be taking this to them as well as HR.

Yes!!!!!

That’s unfair, she didn’t ask for these revelations. A friend revealed very personal stuff about her husband that I felt I had no business to know and it disturbed me. It’s not because I’m a cold, self centred c*nt and I’m sure it’s the same for the OP. Jurors can get very distressed hearing stuff and can even need counselling, does that make it about themselves? If anything it probably means the OP is very empathetic so is affected deeply.

What’s with fucking sarcastic replies.

Why should people go to work to listen to this. I’d be distressed if I heard about a rape or murder or abuse in detail in work.

Good for you. I hope that this type of exercise never appears at my workplace but there is no way I would participate in it if it does.

I thought in running courses like this the 'trainers' needed an incredible amount of training in dealing with possible triggering and emotional breakdowns of course participants. I also thought there needed to be more than one trainer present. This was explained after the below course finished.

I did a similar course in another European country many years ago, and one of the participants broke down in uncontrolled crying and she just couldn't stop. IT was a 4 day course and she couldn't finish it. It was awful seeing this. We were all shocked and saddened. I know she had problems for months afterwards.
The trainers at that course were not suitably trained and were unable to recognise and deal with the emotional breakdown that was being set in motion.

forgot to say in the above that it was the course participants that saw the direction this was going in and alerted the trainers of the situation.

That's awful. I feel for those people sharing. Those people receiving the message are also unprepared for this. It's harmful to all.