Fed up of the comments about my babies skin colour...

[pinkrose1994]

I am mixed race, and my baby is also obviously mixed. He has a beautiful skin tone, olive and lovely curly hair. I'm slightly darker with afrohair. But since having him, it seems to be all everybody mentions.

Before he was born, people would make comments like 'I wonder how dark he'll be?'

I've been asked if 'I'm worried about his skin colour?'

I've had 'it's a good job his hair isn't as Afro as yours'.

And today I joined a new toddler group and one girl just came straight over to me and said 'oh a quarter cast baby'. Which I said was quite an outdated term as 'cast' actually means 'pure' in Latin. Plus stop talking about my son like he's an object not a person!

I'm getting so upset that everyone is just focusing on our colour all the time. I've never really noticed all the comments until I've had my boy, and now it's bothering me a lot. Or am I just making myself worked up for no reason?

My husband is also shocked by how many comments are being made!

:-( x

Try this. I'm so sorry.

quarter caste is so rude-i do wonder how my friends babies will look all colours all different but i let them discuss it first i wouldnt go up to someone and say it

White mother with mixed race children here 🙋‍♀️

We had it from both sides of the family, absolutely OBSESSED with how dark our kids would be.

First boy is really light skinned, second is dark and it's all anyone says, how much darker he is 🙄 who cares 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sorry you've had to go through that OP. I'm a white mother with two mixed race children (who look nothing like me) and their skin colour gets commented on a lot by my family/friends/strangers etc but I've never taken it negatively as it's normally really positive I.e. "haven't they got beautiful skin". Just like I may meet another mum and say, "hasn't he got beautiful hair/eyes" etc. I think comments like this are a way of being friendly and opening up dialogue. Apart from the Afro comment, that was plain rude.

Only just seen this thread, but thought I’d add my 2 cents.

I’m mixed race (half black, half white) my daughter is extremely fair, blue eyes and mousy brown hair. My OH is white, super fair skin but dark brown hair/grey eyes.

I sometimes get some funny looks when I go to collect her from school or at public places (soft play etc) as I don’t think people can figure out she’s my daughter! 😂

If you look at us both facially, it’s clear I’m her mother, but people just see the skin colour and get confused!

I lived in a reasonably diverse city before moving to a small village in South Wales, where it is very rare to see a person of colour.

It’s really rude to comment on anyones skin colour and I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to let ignorant people upset you. I love being in a mixed race family! My daughter is Welsh, but quarter black with grandparents from the Caribbean!

You can only imagine the looks she gets when she’s with my own black mum!

Your comment when you see a baby is perfect. I wouldn’t dream of saying anything other than something similar. People seem to lack a filter these days.

Your baby sounds beautiful OP, just ignore the rude, and ignorant comments.

Wow, they actually said quarter caste to your face?!?! My mind is boggled! I find it extremely hard to believe in 2023 there's anyone who doesn't know this terminology is offensive. I'm really sorry OP, you'd be well within your rights to explain in tedious detail exactly how racist that is but I appreciate you a) shouldn't have to and b) maybe didn't want to dwell on it further.

They are being very rude. Any comment about their skin that isn't "Your baby's skin colour is so lovely" or "what a beautiful skin tone" (well meaning comments) is not just not on. I would ignore them or cut them off by telling them they are being rude and walk away.

'oh a quarter cast baby'.

Good grief - how old was the person who said this? I haven't heard the likes of that for 50 years!

I wonder what made her say 'quarter' ?

I don't think it's any worse than "oh he's got your nose/ears/long legs" etc, but I can understand why you get upset about it when the comment refers to race. I don't think people are being intentionally nasty though.

I’m black, husband white. I’ve had everything from, “Is it yours?” To “How come it’s lighter than you with a black father?” and looks of shock if I say DH is white (mostly I don’t reply.)

Also, we are now, “the pretty, exotic family” as if saying we are not ugly makes it less ‘othering’. See also, “ooh black woman and white man is so unusual. Is your mum happy?” 😳

I don’t reply, I just stare quizzically like they are an odd creature I’ve never encountered before, until it gets really uncomfortable and they go red and bugger off.

What on earth is the matter with these people? Have they time travelled from 1950?

I disagree.

Some people have always been rude fuckers.

Zombie-ish thread but anyone who thinks that black (incl any number of ‘mixed’) don’t get tiresome (at least) comments is living in cloud cuckoo land rather than 2023.

And it isn’t OK to make comments like ‘beautiful skin tone’ and ‘mixed race babies are so beautiful’ etc. Mixed heritage babies are as individually beautiful or not as any other babies. And what does this comment imply? That a black baby is made more beautiful than the black parent by some white blood?? Or vice versa, but in an unequal society which is more likely?

Anyone with the ‘best intentions’ needs to shut up about skin colour altogether.

Black people

They are racist twats!
I'm mixed race and olive skinned, one of my daughters is very light skinned with blonde hair, the other is dark skin and dark hair. Both have the same blonde father.
His brother's wife once said to my husband "at least one of them is lovely and light skinned, are you sure they are both yours? ". This was 30 odd years ago and we haven't spoken to her since.

My dh and myself are both white , however I have dark eyes and very dark brown hair , whilst he’s pale blue eyes and blonde and we get comments too all the time ooh isn’t she blonde light like her dad lovely big blue eyes etc!! So I think it’s probably just people trying to make conversation about her and clumsy in some situations and can see why it’s annoying you! But I do think it’s probably people just looking for something to say rather than anything else!

I can't imagine any situation where people think these kinds of comments are okay. They wouldn't even enter my head. Why the he'll would you be worried about your unborn baby's skin colour? So what if he had afro hair? Jesus.

Why would people say stuff like that ?? Some people have no boundaries at all. My friend has 2 mixed race children and had a very uncomfortable conversation with a stranger concerning her children's ethnicity which the woman was trying to guess. This led to whether they were planned and whether they had the same dad. The woman just kept digging herself a bigger hole while my friend stood there totally bemused by the whole conversation...

It's just something to say isn't it.There's not a lit else apart from the generic "oh he's adorable!" To say about a newborn

I always find this so odd when I hear about it. I'm black and my son is mixed. I have lived in London and now live in a very rural area and just haven't had any comments like this. If I did I would call people out every time in a polite and educational fashion.

I remember as a kid the comments were usually about height/build/weight.

It seems people always have to comment on something.

I’m quite with mixed race kids and yes, the comments when they were little were unreal. And it was black AND white people commenting.