Fed up of the comments about my babies skin colour...

[pinkrose1994]

I am mixed race, and my baby is also obviously mixed. He has a beautiful skin tone, olive and lovely curly hair. I'm slightly darker with afrohair. But since having him, it seems to be all everybody mentions.

Before he was born, people would make comments like 'I wonder how dark he'll be?'

I've been asked if 'I'm worried about his skin colour?'

I've had 'it's a good job his hair isn't as Afro as yours'.

And today I joined a new toddler group and one girl just came straight over to me and said 'oh a quarter cast baby'. Which I said was quite an outdated term as 'cast' actually means 'pure' in Latin. Plus stop talking about my son like he's an object not a person!

I'm getting so upset that everyone is just focusing on our colour all the time. I've never really noticed all the comments until I've had my boy, and now it's bothering me a lot. Or am I just making myself worked up for no reason?

My husband is also shocked by how many comments are being made!

:-( x

Like a few PP have said, a lot depends on how it's said, and the place it comes from. Some people are just a bit clumsy at wording things, and others may think nothing of giving your baby a genuine compliment about something which is potentially quite sensitive.

My babies had nightmare skin when they were tiny - really blotchy and red and flaky. My mixed race neighbour has had four babies in the 15+ years we've lived next to each other, and every one of her babies has had the most beautiful skin. No blotchiness, no flaky bits, no redness. No idea if that's related to their ethnicity or whether she was just lucky!

So it's entirely possible that if your baby is blessed with gorgeous skin too, maybe it's really noticeable compared to other babies? So less of a race thing, and more just the fact that your baby really does have lovely skin?

I do sympathise on hearing the same thing all of the time though. I had twins - boy/girl - and I heard the same comments time and time and time again. Probably the most irritating two I heard all the sodding time were "was it buy one, get one free?" and "oh you clever girl, you got a complete set with one try".

It did get really wearing but I used to just tell myself that people were just trying to be nice about cute babies.

Sorry that you have had to hear such weird and racist comments OP. Personally I wouldn't engage - I'd literally walk away and ignore but you have to do what feels right for you.

When DS1 was a baby he had thick curly very white hair (unlike my mousy fine hair) and people constantly commented and often touched it even random strangers - it became quite irritating. He did have a touch of the Midwich Cuckoos but he wasn't that unusual looking. I'm not sure of my point other than some people are dumb

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves confused at your "fashion statement" comment. Mixed race babies are beautiful, there's no denying that. How can a comment about them being cute possibly offend you. I think you would be happier if you didn't see the bad in everything (especially in this case when it only had positive intentions!!). Smh, I despair for you if you approach everything in life this way 😑

Shocked that people would make such ignorant comments. No one should comment like that about skin colour or hair, sorry you have to experience such ignorance.

I Moved from inner city to the countryside last year and am shocked by some of the ignorant things I hear down the pub. People are definitely more ignorant and racist out here. Very depressing.

It's abhorrent that people think that way. I would have a stock reply of "what do you mean?" And then watch while they squirm. It doesn't change your experience unfortunately but it might make them think next time.

I'd agree in general, I've always been sensitive to DS size as he was born extremely small and at risk. I do think with the examples OP has given, these people are being deliberately rude and racist. I think the intention is clear, even in the examples you also give. These are not meant to be compliments.

OP congratulations on your beautiful baby

OP they sound like ignorant eejits-the lowest of the low. Your baby sounds gorgeous. I am from across the border like PP said and would be tempted to tell them to get to fuck ,but they aren't worth that. Enjoy your wee babba as they grow up so quickly. I am so sorry we live in a horrible racist, ignorant stupid world.

I grew up in a very white town and there was one mixed race family in the school. One of them was in my class and he always referred to himself as a 'half caste' so I grew up thinking that this was the proper terminology. Imagine my horror when I moved to a very diverse city and innocently used it and got torn to shreds. I'm cringing inside out just thinking about it 😢. Many people are still very ignorant outside of big cities but mean no harm.
My Dsis has black hair and her husband has ginger. The biggest topic of conversation during her pregnancy was what colour of hair the baby would have, who they would take after etc. As it happened both dc are very blonde, which started a new type of conversation altogether!

@pinkrose1994

all racist comments
people should know better than commenting like that

This is what is meant by micro-agressions. If you're not white, statistically you'll experience more. It must be both bewildering and irritating, but ultimately it's hurtful to know yhat it's the first thing people see.
Some of those comments were rude and I'd pull people up on them but maybe a bit of gentle thought provoking replies are in orde eg What made you say that?

Sorry to hear you are experiencing this as well :-( x

I love these responses!!! Thank you!!

@KettrickenSmiled brilliant response. Am keeping that reframe. Thank you.

Idiot. Ignorant. Racism. A dick. Thick. Mindless. I think all of those are reasonable but I think surmising she wishes she'd had a dual heritage child when she'd clearly CHOSEN a partner of the same ethnicity as her is a weird leap.

All the duel heritage babies I've seen as bloody gorgeous, DS is white as an actual colour not a descriptor. His brothers are pink but he's super pale. I can think your kid is gorgeous without wishing I had yours instead of mine 🙄🙄

It's unbelievable people still say things like quarter cast - I mean WTAF?

It's different but when my kids were wee we had one pale, white blonde blue eyed and one olive skinned, dark hair, black eyes. People would ask REALLY intrusive questions. Even the midwife said repeatedly when Dd was born with black eyes that 'she'd never seen a Caucasian baby born with such dark eyes' repeatedly whilst looking from me to dh (both Caucasian).

I think people are just stupid tbh.

"It's a good job his hair isn't as afro as yours". Sadly this is the general perception; that afro hair and by connection dark skin is a problem in this country.

Tell them you're hopeful those who think it's a problem will die off soon.

Mother of three mixed race children here. I think people need to get over other people's curiosity. It does not always come from a bad place. Even we have discussed the colour of my grandchildren's skin. It's only natural to be curious surely?

Quarter cast! I actually cannot believe there are people out there using those terms. Not surprised you are fed up by it.

This. Often 'What a shame she has ginger hair' when it's obvious where it came from.

'Are you disappointed you didn't have a boy/girl?' because you have two of the same, sometimes in front of them.

This!

@pinkrose1994 my children are mixed race and it’s usually their hair I get comments on “oh but how do they have blonde hair” I did once respond to a man in a supermarket who said that with “how are you so rude” he walked off.

People can be very ignorant when it comes to race and seem to have no idea what’s acceptable.

Its probably the same as people just cooing over a new baby. Mixed race children do seem to take the best characteristic from each parent, so are often very pretty.

Well done for pulling up the young woman at toddler group who made the 'quarter caste' comment. She sounds as if she is racist if she is intentionally using such outdated terms that she is too young to have heard the first time around.

The Afro hair comment is awful as well. I would probably have responded with a shocked silence and certainly not a smile. I suppose it's a good filter in terms of who not to get to have around your child

@Marie2023 · Today 02:30

I have a redheaded child. Practically every single fucking person I have ever met has something to say about it. It's so annoying. is that any comment or rude comments? I normally comment on red hair because I have hair envy and mousy brown haired children 😭. DH has pointed out there's no red hair genes between us but I was hoping we might get a genetic tweak and end up with curly haired red heads.

You must live in a very ignorant place op. That’s dreadful. My husband is punjabi and we have always lived in London and no one has ever said anything. Recently we were in a different town and an older man referred to him as a ‘coloured fella’. I thought that sort of terminology died in the 70s!

If you're white, would you expect someone to come up and ask if you're worried they'll come out too pale, too blonde / mousey, their hair will be too fine or too straight? If they looked at you and your baby and said ooh at least he isn't a brunette / blonde like you, at least his hair isn't like yours, would you think that's friendly chat?

There's a clear delineation between rude and friendly. You shouldn't need an adult to explain where "Quarter caste" and "ooh at least it isn't afro / hope he won't be dark skinned" fall