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Original poster

Fed up of the comments about my babies skin colour...

126 replies

pinkrose1994 · 19/01/2023 13:36

I am mixed race, and my baby is also obviously mixed. He has a beautiful skin tone, olive and lovely curly hair. I'm slightly darker with afrohair. But since having him, it seems to be all everybody mentions.

Before he was born, people would make comments like 'I wonder how dark he'll be?'

I've been asked if 'I'm worried about his skin colour?'

I've had 'it's a good job his hair isn't as Afro as yours'.

And today I joined a new toddler group and one girl just came straight over to me and said 'oh a quarter cast baby'. Which I said was quite an outdated term as 'cast' actually means 'pure' in Latin. Plus stop talking about my son like he's an object not a person!

I'm getting so upset that everyone is just focusing on our colour all the time. I've never really noticed all the comments until I've had my boy, and now it's bothering me a lot. Or am I just making myself worked up for no reason?

My husband is also shocked by how many comments are being made!

:-( x

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 19/01/2023 17:33

Some people might say stuff without thinking cos they're trying to make small talk, but as the mother of a baby who was obviously disabled, I can say those "ooh it was innocently meant" comments can hurt, annoy and be downright rude. Same principle here. If someone says something stupid, they deserve to have it picked up and corrected

Testino · 19/01/2023 18:27

How dark will your baby be?

Really dark, I hope. I love dark skin, don't you? <head tilt and blank stare>

Are you happy he's hair isn't afro like yours?
I wish he had afro like me. I love it. What do you think is wrong with afro hair? <head tilt and blank stare>

It's time to start being proactive.

Hesma · 19/01/2023 18:31

Congratulations on your baby. I’m sorry people are idiots. Sending you a hug x

C1N1C · 19/01/2023 18:33

Hands up who thought this was a Megan Markle post initially???

MrsRR1 · 19/01/2023 18:35

Black mom with very fair child. Been asked if I was the Nanny.... when taking my child for jabs the nurse said 'oh could mommy not come?'
Been asked about adoption.... I didn't adopt

So many people said I must be so pleased my child had blue eyes.. or... gushing about how gorgeous his fair skin is.
In the end I started to question people. Really funny watching them squirm whilst having to confront their internal prejudice.

Edwina83 · 19/01/2023 18:45

I have three children, one with red hair, the other two brown. When the red haired one was a baby his hair was commented on ALL the time, and 99.5% was positive eg such beautiful hair etc

I think people partly commented because:

  1. It is much less usual than brown hair so something to make small talk about
  1. People are aware of the negative way red hair can be talked about, especially on boys(i have over overheard such conversations multiple time since having my son when i have been alone), and wanted to show they weren't discriminatory.
  1. It was a beautiful colour.

Obviously, the cast comment and the comment about being worried about the colour of your babies skin were ignorance/racism, but the majority of the comments you receive probably fall into one of the above three categories.

It is tiresome but mostly comes from a good place.

OttersMayHaveShiftedInTransit · 19/01/2023 18:45

The general comments I think everyone gets - often people just latch onto the first thing they can think of to make small talk (I get it all the time with isn't tall! Does he get that from you or is his dad tall?) My friend with twins gets asked if they are identical, my red headed SiL gets asked if she thinks her babies will be ginger etc. The friend with three of the same sex gets asked if she was trying for the other sex etc.

But the 'quarter caste' and 'good job they don't have afro hair' cross the line from easy conversation starter to nasty racism.

Zanatdy · 19/01/2023 18:59

That’s very rude what she said. My children are mixed race - white / Asian. I did get a lot of comments about the colour of their skin when pregnant but I didn’t take offence and saw it as comments about colour of hair etc. I would be offended about the comment about your child being ‘quarter caste’. No-one has referred to my children as half caste from memory, I did have to tell my parents that wasn’t a term that was used anymore when I was pregnant. The one thing that annoyed me most was waiting for my daughters appointment with the nurse once. She has a common Asian surname, and her first name is common in the U.K. but the Arabic spelling. The nurse came out a few times, looked around and went back in. Finally she said to me ‘child’s name’ with a puzzled look?? I said yes, I am her mother and she looked shocked. She was the same race as my children’s father.

Pugsbladder · 19/01/2023 19:04

Recently on IG there was a car advert featuring a stunning mixed race male model with red hair afro hair & loads of freckles. He was absolutely gorgeous. Yet the first comment was "A ginger ...ugh".
I said I thought it refreshing to see a redhead man get a huge modelling gig and that he was stunning, and I especially loved the freckles. They didn't respond.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/01/2023 19:06

Pugsbladder · 19/01/2023 19:04

Recently on IG there was a car advert featuring a stunning mixed race male model with red hair afro hair & loads of freckles. He was absolutely gorgeous. Yet the first comment was "A ginger ...ugh".
I said I thought it refreshing to see a redhead man get a huge modelling gig and that he was stunning, and I especially loved the freckles. They didn't respond.

Share the hot man or yabu

Pugsbladder · 19/01/2023 19:06

*red afro hair

Pugsbladder · 19/01/2023 19:07

Why bu?

OrlandointheWilderness · 19/01/2023 19:09

"Quarter caste"!?!?? What the actual ever loving fuck!?!? Did you tell her to take her mouth straight back to 1973 where it is obviously from?!?!?
That's insane.

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/01/2023 19:11

Im sure theres something odd about babies/children that people think they can comment as if they're not people, and say things that if said to, or about an adult, in that person (or their relatives) presence would just be flat out fucking rude.

Be rude back... if they comment with 'at least.... insert something about skin colour or hair... ' then you can say..

'Yeah, it's such a shame your baby has only these three limp strands.. ah well, I am sure he will grow more eventually!'..

Or 'We love his skin colour, at least he's not blotchy and pasty...pointed look at their baby

Sub anything that is in fact normal for human offspring - snot, crusty bits, blotchy corned beef coloured bits etc... as applies to their crotch-fruit and say it with a sweet smile.

Don't take their inconsiderate, rude shit any more!

catandcoffee · 19/01/2023 19:16

OP any chance in the future you can move to a more mixed cultural place.

Your child is going to have this all the time especially when he starts school.

Can't believe there are still places that use 'caste' so bloody depressing. 😔

ArianahX · 19/01/2023 19:22

Glad to hear you've got a lovely baby boy but sad to hear about the racist comments you've encountered!
These attitudes were sadly 'normal' in the town I grew up in.
In the area I'm in now it's not so bad.
I think you are right to challenge some of the comments, especially the 'quarter caste' one.

SallyWD · 19/01/2023 19:24

That's just awful OP. I'd be so fed up. My children are mixed race but we've very rarely had any comments in their skin colour. A couple of people have said "Oh they're a lovely colour" or something which I don't mind. Generally people don't mention it.

Original poster
pinkrose1994 · 19/01/2023 19:41

catandcoffee · 19/01/2023 19:16

OP any chance in the future you can move to a more mixed cultural place.

Your child is going to have this all the time especially when he starts school.

Can't believe there are still places that use 'caste' so bloody depressing. 😔

Yes, we have considered it but all our family are around here so would be a difficult decision. My parents did say they wish they had moved us when we were young for the same reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkrose1994 · 19/01/2023 19:43

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/01/2023 19:11

Im sure theres something odd about babies/children that people think they can comment as if they're not people, and say things that if said to, or about an adult, in that person (or their relatives) presence would just be flat out fucking rude.

Be rude back... if they comment with 'at least.... insert something about skin colour or hair... ' then you can say..

'Yeah, it's such a shame your baby has only these three limp strands.. ah well, I am sure he will grow more eventually!'..

Or 'We love his skin colour, at least he's not blotchy and pasty...pointed look at their baby

Sub anything that is in fact normal for human offspring - snot, crusty bits, blotchy corned beef coloured bits etc... as applies to their crotch-fruit and say it with a sweet smile.

Don't take their inconsiderate, rude shit any more!

The problem is I'm quite a shy character and I just kind of freeze. Then get home and wish I had said a million things!

I'll definitely make sure to have some responses in the bag for next time x

OP posts:
FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 19/01/2023 19:44

Shrug and say "i have no idea' to every impertinent question and change the subject. Don't engage.

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/01/2023 19:45

Ahh. save some up.. on the plus side, you're a lot less likely than I am to let your gob get you in trouble, haha!

Hubblebubble · 19/01/2023 19:56

I got asked if my child was mine today (not for the first time). I gave a very pointed yes ofcourse.

Abba123 · 19/01/2023 20:05

The reality is that if it wasn’t skin colour it would be something else.

I feel like the insecurity about it is coming more from you than anything.

My eldest daughter has a lump of a nose that thankfully she has mostly grown into but it was “Oh your great grandma loved babies with turned up noses”.

Or they’d tell me how much she looked like her daddy after the previous comment was a thinly veiled suggestion that my husband was ugly.

Then there were the comments about how little hair my daughters had until they were 3.

Luckily they weren’t chubby but that’s another popular topic for inappropriate comments.

Race related or not, it always happens and is always upsetting to some degree.

Beetlebugz · 19/01/2023 20:07

Sorry you have had such rude comments. What does it matter what colour of skin or type of hair he has! People can be so shitty. I have a deep auburn colour but both my children are blonde, one going mousey brown. The amount of comments iv had about the fact they aren't red is unreal. Even when pregnant someone said 'what if the baby comes out ginger'? Not sure if they expected it but I replied very sarcastically 'oh definitely would be putting it up for adoption ' with a big eye roll. People just don't think. Ignore them!

mathanxiety · 19/01/2023 20:36

This isn't anything to do with covid.

Nothing brings out the latent racism like a mixed race relationship and babies.

(And there are still people here saying Meghan made it up).