Fed up of the comments about my babies skin colour...

[pinkrose1994]

I am mixed race, and my baby is also obviously mixed. He has a beautiful skin tone, olive and lovely curly hair. I'm slightly darker with afrohair. But since having him, it seems to be all everybody mentions.

Before he was born, people would make comments like 'I wonder how dark he'll be?'

I've been asked if 'I'm worried about his skin colour?'

I've had 'it's a good job his hair isn't as Afro as yours'.

And today I joined a new toddler group and one girl just came straight over to me and said 'oh a quarter cast baby'. Which I said was quite an outdated term as 'cast' actually means 'pure' in Latin. Plus stop talking about my son like he's an object not a person!

I'm getting so upset that everyone is just focusing on our colour all the time. I've never really noticed all the comments until I've had my boy, and now it's bothering me a lot. Or am I just making myself worked up for no reason?

My husband is also shocked by how many comments are being made!

:-( x

I was going to say 'Meghan??' earlier but thought better of it 🤦‍♂️

It's tiring. My daughter has had this with my grandchild.

Why are people so obsessed with it. It's creepy..

I'm a White mum, with a Mixed Race son (dad is Black Nigerian). My son is very light skinned compared to his dad, and we've had the comments too. We live in Manchester so quite a diverse city, but the town were in is less diverse. White people feel very comfortable commenting on his skin tone to me, and my partner's Black friends and family feel very comfortable commenting on it to him, too. Though, there's a tinge of sadness to the comments he gets - they're mostly about how lucky DS is as he's so pale, he likely won't face as much discrimination as their children might.

We get lots of people touching his hair without permission, too. He has very tight coils, 4A curls, as tight as the coil of a pen. People think it's okay to touch him and it's just not. I remember commenting on it to a friend and she asked what the big deal was, and I asked how she'd feel if a middle aged man came up to her blonde haired, blue eyed daughter in the street and started stroking her hair. It's not okay for children to be touched by strangers.

Hi Megs

is that you Meghan?

I was going to say the same. I'm from london and never had these comments

Oh the racists have arrived 🙄

Genetics of expression of skin colour is actually very complicated and it is really interesting.
i am much darker skinned than both parents (I look quite Spanish) as I had an Indian relative and clearly that had expressed itself. I have blue eyes too so people do comment on it.

DS2 is very, white and pasty looking. His best friend is Indian descent and when we go out together, people assume he’s my child and DS is the friend.

OP I can imagine it’s quite annoying, but just nod and change the subject.

Mixed race too and my children have a white dad. I had this for my first child from some strangers but mostly certain extended family members and they should count themselves lucky I used to be shy. I would absolutely lose my shit were it to happen today and I’m sorry this is happening to you too. We lived in London at the time.

I just meant he sounds beautiful, you should share the picture. It's unreasonable to talk about beautiful men without a pic

I thought it was a post aiming to make (completely unacceptable) fun of Meghan and Harry.

When I went back to work for a while when my white, blonde baby girl was about eight months old, my nursery nurse friend from the antenatal group offered to childmind her alongside her own eight month old. She was white, and her son's father was very black.
A mutual friend loaned us a twin side by side buggy.

You can imagine the comments and looks that my friend got. Her strategy was just to laugh at people. She was a better person than me.

I feel like the insecurity about it is coming more from you than anything.

How / why is it insecurity to observe or resent racist or racially ignorant shit?

OP, I live in London and have mixed race kids. What I hear a lot from white people is “Oh , mixed race babies are so beautiful”, and I think ‘so you’re saying that mixed race babies, in general, are beautiful because they are mixed. So what does that say about your view of their respective non-mixed parents?’.

And no, many mixed race babies are not more or less beautiful than non mixed babies. Surely.

It is exoticising.

I know people just say stuff but can they not make a bit more effort to think about where this stuff comes from, and where it fits in society at large?

i really feel like the right response to ‘oh a quarter cast baby’ is ‘oh a racist!’

In 2023 this racism should not exist, but it sadly does, it’s everyone’s responsibility to call it out for what it is

It might help you to reframe these crass remarks as being absolutely nothing to do with you - but useful information about the people making them. It will help you to give no shits at all about how you deal with the - because they've just shown you that their opinions are worthless. Once you get to that state of giving no fucks, you can shut down the idiots without worrying about how they take it:

I've been asked if 'I'm worried about his skin colour?'
"Of course not, what bothers me is racists who think it's something to worry about"

I've had 'it's a good job his hair isn't as Afro as yours'.
"It's a good job I love my hair, also that I now know that you judge me for it. Bye!"

That's terrible OP! Honestly I'd say they're just jealous. I have a mixed race baby and so does my cousin, when we were pregnant we were saying how cute our halfies were going to be. Everyone knows mixed babies are the just the cutest. I'd honestly just ignore it. Or maybe say yes isn't he just gorgeous. Sorry, I'm quite shocked at this as I've never experienced such a thing, I thubj id be speechless if I did which is saying a lot for me!

Halfies? 😕

You could do a bingo system, for each silly statement. Eventually, you'll just think or say I've heard all before.

Giving yourself a bonus, for not giving the quarter caste person etc, a lecture about being in the 21st century.

Enjoy your baby.

Half my ethnicity/race, half my husband. Ditto for my cousin.

Yes, I understand the concept but it's a dreadful term and I would be furious I'd someone referred to my dd in this way.

We clearly have very different views on this issue though. I also cringed at your "everyone knows mixed babies are the cutest" comment. I can't stand that kind of attitude. My child's ethnic identity isn't a fashion statement.

Fair enough. That was actually the only time I've said that, in fact I think it was actually him and I was recalling that conversation mow as i posted. I have way more things in life to get upset about so I just see the positive. I can't say I've experienced terrible racism (sometimes but not heaps), although my parents have; so for me I'm just grateful "times have changed". In my parents generation, I probably would have been disowned for marrying my husband, and now it's no big deal so I think that's really wonderful.

I have a redheaded child. Practically every single fucking person I have ever met has something to say about it. It's so annoying.

You’re naive if this is how you think

sometimes it’s people trying to be friendly but saying the wrong things.