Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand these drinking patterns/habits

99 replies

Styliewyliecyote · 18/01/2023 04:57

I was talking to a friend who said they can take or leave alcohol, arent bothered by it and only drink on special occasions such as at weddings or Christmas. I've heard many other people say this about alcohol.

This is what I don't understand - if you're not bothered by something why only have it on a special occasion?

I bloody love cake. But I'm on a diet. I will eat cake on my birthday or other special occasions because its a treat. I'm not bothered by moussaka. Its okay, i can eat it but wouldnt order it on a menu. I can take or leave it. I would not dream of eating moussaka on my birthday or other special occasions!

Why subject yourself to something you don't really like? Do they secretly love it but don't want to say? What's wrong with loving a glass of wine? In fact is it not more socially acceptable to like alcohol than not? Is it purely to adhere to social convention? Like toasting at a wedding? Why not toast with non alcohol drink of choice? Is it seen as rude not to toast with bubbly or some sort of superstition?

I can't sleep and these are my dull musings. Dull but unfortunately not dull enough to bore myself to sleep so bothering you nice people lol

OP posts:
bumpytrumpy · 18/01/2023 05:00

Doesn't it mean they do like it but dont want to sacrifice the cost/calories/hangover on a regular basis?

That's what I mean anyway. Yes I'd like a few drinks with dinner but I'm not bothered enough to sort out a taxi etc - I'd rather drive. And my life doesn't have any "give" for hangover the next morning

ThreeblackCats · 18/01/2023 05:02

They like alcohol enough to drink it when it’s offered, but not enough to spend £30 on a bottle of champagne or whisky £12+ on a nice wine.
You can not compare that to cake!

I love a drop of whisky but if I was watching the cash, it would be the first thing I gave up. It’s just a nice luxury, it’s not that hard to understand why some only enjoy it occasionally.

Hollyhocksauce · 18/01/2023 05:06

I am like your friend. I can take it or leave it. Don't love it, don't hate it. I wouldn't drink alone, but I'd drink at a special occasion like a wedding because everyone else is and drinks are going around, or I will drink if it feels like the appropriate thing for a certain time, eg. Finding a pub on a long walk through the countryside, might have half a pint.

Aprilx · 18/01/2023 05:08

Well they haven’t said they dislike it. During a toast, it might be more trouble that it is worth to organise the non alcoholic drink and so they go with the flow.

I can take or leave ice cream, it generally wouldn’t occur to me to want some but I don’t actually dislike it and it is something I might eat once a year.

buckingmad · 18/01/2023 05:08

I’m also like your friend. I don’t like it enough for the hassle of sorting taxi etc so only drink on special occasions. I’m of the view you shouldn’t drink at all and then drive so I won’t even have one.

Original poster
Styliewyliecyote · 18/01/2023 05:09

@ThreeblackCats
@bumpytrumpy

It's not that I struggle to understand why some people drink it occasionally (I myself am one of these people, due to the reasons you've mentioned). It's the "I'm not bothered by alcohol, don't get the hype, can take or leave it mentality" I don't understand verses the "enjoy a drink but don't partake often due to cost, convenience of driving."

Why protest your liking of it so much then reservd for special occasions?

OP posts:
Hollyhocksauce · 18/01/2023 05:10

Another way of putting it..
I enjoy having a drink from time to time therefore I don't want to be teetotal, but if all the alcohol suddenly disappeared from the planet I wouldn't be particularly upset.

In your mousakka example, if mousakka was the special meal that everyone ate at Christmas and at weddings, then I've no doubt that you would eat it at those times. Doesn't mean you love it.

Headoutofplace · 18/01/2023 05:14

I like alcohol but can take it or leave it and only have it rarely, because it often gives me a hangover even in small quantities so doesn't feel worth it most of the time. On special occasions it feels more worthwhile mainly because people have built it up into such a social thing that it has more meaning. You may not have moussaka on special occasions but think of the number of people who MUST have sprouts, mince pies or fruitcake/Christmas pudding only at Christmas but strangely don't like them enough to have at any other time of year. It's because it's been culturally tied to special occasions.

IglesiasPiggl · 18/01/2023 05:16

I generally prefer the taste of non-alcoholic drinks. Occasionally I fancy a glass of wine or a beer, especially on a summer evening. I don't sleep well after alcohol. So most of the time I have something else, but now and again I don't.

Original poster
Styliewyliecyote · 18/01/2023 05:18

@Hollyhocksauce @Headoutofplace you've both got very good points! I think I'm getting it.

The only thing is I wouldn't say much about moussaka, just that it's not my favourite, end of. Is it the British culture of drinking that makes people feel they need to explain themselves you think?

OP posts:
Headoutofplace · 18/01/2023 05:25

Styliewyliecyote · 18/01/2023 05:18

@Hollyhocksauce @Headoutofplace you've both got very good points! I think I'm getting it.

The only thing is I wouldn't say much about moussaka, just that it's not my favourite, end of. Is it the British culture of drinking that makes people feel they need to explain themselves you think?

Yes, I think it's definitely the culture that you feel you have to explain if you don't drink. Like when any youngish woman doesn't drink there's a real chance someone will be straight in there with 'are you pregnant' when they wouldn't turn a hair if she didn't eat something you can't eat in pregnancy. Or if someone never drinks some people will assume they're religious or a recovering alcoholic. It seems like there's this idea everyone should be drinking and you need a note from your mum to explain why you aren't.

daemonologie · 18/01/2023 05:30

It's the done thing to say now due to the British drinking culture. In some cases it's 'Hey look at me I'm so zany going against the grain'
It could be very true for a lot of people but what equally could be true is 'my mother:brother/ father/husband are/were a raging alcoholic and became physically abusive and it's too traumatising for
me and I have a deep hatred for alcohol". The latter one seems more likely to me. I see husbands drinking more than wives at social situations, getting predictably rat-arsed and the wives scaling back their drinking to nothing in a hope that DH will follow suit.

Cathyandchris · 18/01/2023 05:30

I hardly drink either, but there is definitely pressure to drink on certain occasions - it’s a very real thing! I’m nearly 50, I shouldn’t have to explain myself but as soon as I ask for something non-alcoholic I am bombarded with questions as to why I’m not drinking, which is very annoying. So sometimes I go along with it and have a glass just to make people leave me alone.
im not doing if because I am secretly craving wine!

DarkNecessities · 18/01/2023 05:30

I’m the same with your favourite example, cake. I don’t like it but do have it at birthdays and weddings as it’s part of the celebratory ritual.

Zanatdy · 18/01/2023 05:34

Well maybe they like to have a drink every so often as they enjoy it or feel that they should toast the bride and groom with champers. I don’t find it that unusual, I have friends who drink to excess and would recoil in horror if someone said that, but also friends who are like you describe, have a drink on special occasions only. I tend to largely just drink on special occasions, though the last couple of months I have drank more as I’ve been dating someone and so some dates have involved the pub. But I’d rather have a cup of tea these days

Gingerkittykat · 18/01/2023 06:09

Why do non drinkers/ light drinkers have to explain themselves?

DarkNecessities · 18/01/2023 06:10

Gingerkittykat · 18/01/2023 06:09

Why do non drinkers/ light drinkers have to explain themselves?

The same way I have to explain that I don’t eat cake. It’s just not ‘the norm’

sjxoxo · 18/01/2023 06:14

Im one of these people! I don’t love it enough to justify the calories or feeling shit on a regular basis. I have a glass of fizzy etc to join in an event or celebrate but to me the downsides of alcohol aren’t worth it on a regular basis Xxx

GracePooleslaugh · 18/01/2023 06:23

I rarely drink. I do like the taste but I don't enjoy the way I feel if I drink. Even a couple will give me a shitty night's sleep, some drinks give me a migraine.

I usually don't bother, occasionally I will at a special occasion eg I'll join in the toast at a wedding because it's part of the ritual. Didn't drink anything at Christmas this year as didn't fancy any.

Alcohol is expensive, full of calories. Just not worth it to me.

I genuinely don't care if other people want a drink. I'm not judging anyone for anything. I used to drink more than I do now so why would I. I'm not a recovering alcoholic or the child of alcoholics.

SimonRiley · 18/01/2023 06:25

You've answered your own question. There people out there who can't get through the day without at least half a bottle of wine. Alcoholism and alcohol dependency are socially acceptable in the UK. It is seen as the norm. People who don't drink alcohol are seen as outliers, weirdos and boring. Not drinking is questioned in a way not eating mousecake would not be. Not eating cake would be applauded probably for a woman frankly.

Ask yourself the question, how do you even know these people don't drink? How did the conversation come about? When they were challenged for not drinking perhaps?

I'm one of these take it or leave it people. I do like the taste but I'm not alcohol dependent like the person who is asking me the question in the first place. I'm a vegetarian BTW and I am yet to have one adult question why I don't eat meat.

TellMeWhere · 18/01/2023 06:26

Do people really need to explain themselves? It's tiring, especially when the majority view is that people should drink. Honestly, I've received borderline abuse before for choosing not to drink - people take it as a direct insult for some unhinged reason. I think the UK has a terrible approach to alcohol. I quite like champagne/cava. I lived a wild youth and I don't like hangovers, regret, fluid calories or spending loads of money on drinks. So I have it a few times a year. Other than that I'm happy with soft drinks and tea.

It's the same as me not having children - I shouldn't have to explain why.

I'm also vegetarian - WHY?! - because I am.

People are always ready to go to war on things I don't actually want or need to discuss. Particularly on the meat point. I never bring it up in casual conversation and have no interest in converting anyone or talking to others about it.

I've never questioned anyone on why they drink so much, have children or eat meat.

RudsyFarmer · 18/01/2023 06:50

I have a couple of glasses of Baileys at Christmas and then I’m done until next year. It’s a nice treat, I like the taste, otherwise I’m not bothered. Alcohol just isn’t part of my routine.

DarkNecessities · 18/01/2023 06:55

Not eating cake would be applauded probably for a woman frankly.

People assume I’m ‘being good’ or on a diet. Constant pressure to have it, just a piece of theirs, “go on” etc etc.

I’m a drinker myself but live with a teetotaller and never query friends who chose whether to drink or not - or eat bloody cake!

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 18/01/2023 07:04

Headoutofplace · 18/01/2023 05:25

Yes, I think it's definitely the culture that you feel you have to explain if you don't drink. Like when any youngish woman doesn't drink there's a real chance someone will be straight in there with 'are you pregnant' when they wouldn't turn a hair if she didn't eat something you can't eat in pregnancy. Or if someone never drinks some people will assume they're religious or a recovering alcoholic. It seems like there's this idea everyone should be drinking and you need a note from your mum to explain why you aren't.

Show quote history

I'm starting to worry that people think I an a recovering alcoholic as I don't drink. It really seems to be some people's only reason why someone wouldn't .

When in fact most alcoholic drinks taste vile to me, both beer and red wine make me screw my face up like I have sucked a lemon. I feel sick and dizzy after 1 drink and don't get any pleasant affectd at all.

So when I refuse alcohol is the assumption that I am addicted?

BananaSpanner · 18/01/2023 07:14

Like a pp, ice cream is the best analogy for me. Don’t love it or dislike it. If the world were to suddenly become an ice cream free zone, it would bother me at all. However, once or twice a year, maybe on a uk beach or a super hot day I might fancy one and it would be nice but then I wouldn’t think to have another for months.