Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand these drinking patterns/habits

99 replies

Styliewyliecyote · 18/01/2023 04:57

I was talking to a friend who said they can take or leave alcohol, arent bothered by it and only drink on special occasions such as at weddings or Christmas. I've heard many other people say this about alcohol.

This is what I don't understand - if you're not bothered by something why only have it on a special occasion?

I bloody love cake. But I'm on a diet. I will eat cake on my birthday or other special occasions because its a treat. I'm not bothered by moussaka. Its okay, i can eat it but wouldnt order it on a menu. I can take or leave it. I would not dream of eating moussaka on my birthday or other special occasions!

Why subject yourself to something you don't really like? Do they secretly love it but don't want to say? What's wrong with loving a glass of wine? In fact is it not more socially acceptable to like alcohol than not? Is it purely to adhere to social convention? Like toasting at a wedding? Why not toast with non alcohol drink of choice? Is it seen as rude not to toast with bubbly or some sort of superstition?

I can't sleep and these are my dull musings. Dull but unfortunately not dull enough to bore myself to sleep so bothering you nice people lol

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 18/01/2023 09:07

Oh and the judgement is REAL when you don't drink much or at all.

I drove for NY, and drank some Buck's Fizz early (6pm), calculated it carefully to be well out of my system by 1am.

MIL looked at me as if I'd announced that my new hobby was duckling stamping.

I just didn't want to hang around all day with another hangover. I'd got too drunk on Christmas Eve and fancied starting the year with a fresh head. That was all.

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/01/2023 09:15

@

GnomeDePlume · 18/01/2023 09:33

The social aspect is interesting and context is probably important.

Go with a group of friends for what is clearly going to be a coffee/cake outing then the person who chooses to eat nothing and drink tap water may be queried unless that is their normal order.

Equally if one person chooses a glass of wine and a plate of chips then they will be queried. Also they will find their plate of chips is far more communal than any of the cakes!

DeFacto · 18/01/2023 09:41

I think the ice-cream analogy is excellent.

I don't really eat puddings or sweet foods, never crave them, just don't really think about them at all.

If I'm eating a tasting menu or having dinner at someone's house and I'm presented with a pudding I'll quite happily eat and think 'that's really nice, why don't I eat puddings more often?', and then completely forget about it until the next time I'm in that situation.

I imagine the 'take it or leave it' drinkers are exactly the same about alcohol.

DeFacto · 18/01/2023 09:46

Re Non-drinkers, I have quite a few teetotal friends, for various reasons, I would absolutely never question or even pass comment on someone not drinking and keep a wide and excellent selection of drinks for non-drinking guests.

People who make an issue of such things probably aren't entirely happy about their own alcohol consumption.

Pearsandclocks · 18/01/2023 09:54

Styliewyliecyote · 18/01/2023 04:57

I was talking to a friend who said they can take or leave alcohol, arent bothered by it and only drink on special occasions such as at weddings or Christmas. I've heard many other people say this about alcohol.

This is what I don't understand - if you're not bothered by something why only have it on a special occasion?

I bloody love cake. But I'm on a diet. I will eat cake on my birthday or other special occasions because its a treat. I'm not bothered by moussaka. Its okay, i can eat it but wouldnt order it on a menu. I can take or leave it. I would not dream of eating moussaka on my birthday or other special occasions!

Why subject yourself to something you don't really like? Do they secretly love it but don't want to say? What's wrong with loving a glass of wine? In fact is it not more socially acceptable to like alcohol than not? Is it purely to adhere to social convention? Like toasting at a wedding? Why not toast with non alcohol drink of choice? Is it seen as rude not to toast with bubbly or some sort of superstition?

I can't sleep and these are my dull musings. Dull but unfortunately not dull enough to bore myself to sleep so bothering you nice people lol

I rarely drink. Only socially. I enjoy having a drink and feeling tipsy. I don’t see the point of being tipsy at home so only drink socially. 🤷. It’s not that hard to understand!

GnomeDePlume · 18/01/2023 10:01

Whether there is questioning/judgement must depend on the company you keep.

We went to a family party at the weekend. We took a mix of alcoholic and soft drinks with us. People were invited to help themselves. Nobody questioned anyone about their choice of drink.

This is normal for us. We are a mix of regular, occasional and non drinkers.

On the other hand anyone taking recreational drugs may not be questioned but would certainly be judged. This happened at a similar family party where one person (a distant uncle) was apparently taking cocaine through the day. Not off his face but definitely buzzing every time he came back from the toilet.

We are not a family where recreational drug taking is normal.

WaddleAway · 18/01/2023 10:06

GnomeDePlume · 18/01/2023 10:01

Whether there is questioning/judgement must depend on the company you keep.

We went to a family party at the weekend. We took a mix of alcoholic and soft drinks with us. People were invited to help themselves. Nobody questioned anyone about their choice of drink.

This is normal for us. We are a mix of regular, occasional and non drinkers.

On the other hand anyone taking recreational drugs may not be questioned but would certainly be judged. This happened at a similar family party where one person (a distant uncle) was apparently taking cocaine through the day. Not off his face but definitely buzzing every time he came back from the toilet.

We are not a family where recreational drug taking is normal.

Agreed. In my friendship group/family there will always be a few people not drinking at an event for whatever reason, and no one has ever made a big deal about it. I often don’t drink at social events, no one cares.

LindaEllen · 18/01/2023 10:23

bumpytrumpy · 18/01/2023 05:00

Doesn't it mean they do like it but dont want to sacrifice the cost/calories/hangover on a regular basis?

That's what I mean anyway. Yes I'd like a few drinks with dinner but I'm not bothered enough to sort out a taxi etc - I'd rather drive. And my life doesn't have any "give" for hangover the next morning

Absolutely this.
I enjoy the feeling of being a little bit tipsy, but don't enjoy the cost, calories, or how I feel the next day. Therefore, I will save it for special occasions where the enjoyment is worth the cost.

GnomeDePlume · 18/01/2023 11:01

You can tell a man who boozes
By the company he chooses
Then the pig got up and slowly walked away

KillingLoneliness · 18/01/2023 11:20

I love Asti and Malibu along with certain ciders but I only drink one or two glasses on special occasions/if I’m meeting friends etc and I never get drunk.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 18/01/2023 11:30

Lets go with your cake analogy.

I can take or leave cake. I don't mind it, but its not my fave. If it's someones birthday, then I'll have a piece or if its in the house and will go stale if I don't eat it, but I won't go out and buy it myself. If I'm going to go out and buy something that'll make me fat, cake isn't at the bottom of the list, but it's nowhere near the top.

Now add to that the fact that being the only sober person in a room full of drunk people can be annoying as fuck, and you get why some people only have a drink on a social occasion.

Waspsnbees · 18/01/2023 11:44

i think it's about making 'special occasions' different to normal days. i don't drink alcohol (much... maybe once a year/every 2 years). i'm not teetotal as in if there was a toast and a glass of prosecco was shoved in my hand i'd probably drink it. but at xmas i buy shloer (or other non-alcoholic-looks-kinda-like-wine drink) just because it's different.

Maverickess · 18/01/2023 11:44

It makes me feel anxious and low the next day and I don't sleep properly, unless I've planned to have a drink and have nothing specific to do the next day, I don't drink whatever the occasion.
Like a couple of others I do enjoy the feeling of being mildly drunk, of the relaxation and loss of inhibition to a certain degree which for me means thinking 'fuck it' to certain things that are bothering me, just for one night - though I pay for that the next day, but I do feel better after that for the 'break'.
So unless it's a night I've planned around to accommodate lack of sleep and not needing to do much at all, I don't have a drink. And having a ft job and other commitments, it's not common I have one of those days.

I don't ask other people why they want a drink, why they drink alcohol more often etc, but do find myself expected to explain my lack of alcohol in a social gathering and with some it's just the simple fact that I don't have an alcoholic drink that makes them feel I'm judging them, that I think I'm better than them and that I'm all high and mighty because I'm not having a drink, I don't comment or say anything about who's drinking what.

I don't care if and why someone else might be having an alcoholic drink, but for some they really seem to want me to, so they can defend wanting a drink of alcohol.

I avoid gatherings now where I know someone like that is there because it's just not worth the hassle.

blackwingedstilt · 18/01/2023 11:51

@SimonRiley "Not drinking is questioned in a way not eating mousecake would not be."

Great autocorrect Smile

Robinni · 18/01/2023 11:56

I don’t think people who only drink on special occasions are “subjecting” themselves to it.

They feel much the same was as perhaps you would about a full Christmas dinner or personalised birthday cake - enjoy it but couldn’t do it every day. It’s part of the festivities but not necessary the rest of the time.

I know quite a few people who drink on a weekly basis, enjoy it and cope with it.

I couldn’t function if I did that and tend to avoid frequent drinking as

a) bad for health (I get sick a lot more never mind long term impacts)
b) expensive; I prefer a nice handbag or holiday to £20 a week on booze.
c) enjoy and appreciate a drink more when I do have it and am able to buy nicer alcohol too (and less of it for the same effect!)

AlpacaBag · 18/01/2023 12:07

This comment from the OP raised my eyebrows.... In fact is it not more socially acceptable to like alcohol than not?

I don't drink at all, and I think the sober community is growing, but to allude to us "non drinkers" as not socially acceptable is sad and weird. It's the only substance you have to make excuses for not using....and it's seen as socially unacceptable? That's bizarre. OP are you one of those people that try to pressure your non drinking friends into having "just one" ??

WaddleAway · 18/01/2023 12:09

AlpacaBag · 18/01/2023 12:07

This comment from the OP raised my eyebrows.... In fact is it not more socially acceptable to like alcohol than not?

I don't drink at all, and I think the sober community is growing, but to allude to us "non drinkers" as not socially acceptable is sad and weird. It's the only substance you have to make excuses for not using....and it's seen as socially unacceptable? That's bizarre. OP are you one of those people that try to pressure your non drinking friends into having "just one" ??

I don’t think the OP was condoning the attitude that drinking is more socially acceptable than not drinking, just stating that it is often seen to be the case. Which you have confirmed by saying it’s the only substance you have to make excuses for not drinking.

Aloezebra · 18/01/2023 12:12

When I say I can take it or leave it I mean I don’t really enjoy drinking at home or for some low-key occasion because I don’t find it adds anything to my evening. However drinking at a wedding or special occasion is fun! Basically I enjoy drinking alcohol based on the circumstances because I think it can enhance an event. I do like the taste but I don’t tend to drink it just for the taste

Original poster
Styliewyliecyote · 18/01/2023 12:32

@TellMeWhere
@SimonRiley

That's the thing I'm wondering! Why explain if not asked? The conversation came about by me saying that I was looking forward to some prosecco I'd bought for my anniversary and saying it was on offer so I'd bought 2 bottles. Just pleased about my bargain/making random chit chat about our weekend plans and then suddenly a long Dialogue about "oh I don't like alcohol, can take or leave it, would never drink at home (where ill be drinking my prosecco), don't get the fuss, only have a drink at special occasions" etc. I think I was maybe a bit taken back as I've never mentioned their drinking or lack of, I felt like holding my hands up and saying okay okay, you do you and ill do me!

That's the thing I didn't ask why or, to my knowledge prompt the conversation. I haven't drank since boxing day, have faced pressure to drink certainly wouldnt pressure someone and honestly don't care if my friends drink or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Styliewyliecyote · 18/01/2023 12:34

@ferneytorro

Some imagination you got there! Lol

I probably drink about 6 times a year myself but don't get defensive about it

OP posts:
Original poster
Styliewyliecyote · 18/01/2023 12:36

@Milany

I would eat the biscuits but not say to such a full extent how much I don't like them I think is my confusion

OP posts:
Laus36 · 18/01/2023 12:37

bumpytrumpy · 18/01/2023 05:00

Doesn't it mean they do like it but dont want to sacrifice the cost/calories/hangover on a regular basis?

That's what I mean anyway. Yes I'd like a few drinks with dinner but I'm not bothered enough to sort out a taxi etc - I'd rather drive. And my life doesn't have any "give" for hangover the next morning

This is exactly it for me!

Laus36 · 18/01/2023 12:41

I wouldn’t think that at all!

Original poster
Styliewyliecyote · 18/01/2023 12:42

I suppose I wonder why my friend felt the need to justify. I wonder if she felt judged but I don't know why. My life choice is not a judgement about yours! I don't even drink that much so want to be like "I get it I get it" but in the end just let them get it off their chest

It's interesting that I'm taking others on here as being defensive. I'm not asking why you don't drink just why a big deal needs to be made anout it. Wouldn't make such a big deal about not drinking milk.

OP posts: