To not understand these drinking patterns/habits

[Styliewyliecyote]

I was talking to a friend who said they can take or leave alcohol, arent bothered by it and only drink on special occasions such as at weddings or Christmas. I've heard many other people say this about alcohol.

This is what I don't understand - if you're not bothered by something why only have it on a special occasion?

I bloody love cake. But I'm on a diet. I will eat cake on my birthday or other special occasions because its a treat. I'm not bothered by moussaka. Its okay, i can eat it but wouldnt order it on a menu. I can take or leave it. I would not dream of eating moussaka on my birthday or other special occasions!

Why subject yourself to something you don't really like? Do they secretly love it but don't want to say? What's wrong with loving a glass of wine? In fact is it not more socially acceptable to like alcohol than not? Is it purely to adhere to social convention? Like toasting at a wedding? Why not toast with non alcohol drink of choice? Is it seen as rude not to toast with bubbly or some sort of superstition?

I can't sleep and these are my dull musings. Dull but unfortunately not dull enough to bore myself to sleep so bothering you nice people lol

It doesn't mean they don't like it, it means that having weighed up the benefits versus the downsides it doesn't make sense. Something that happens to a lot of us as we get older.

I like alcohol (particularly wine and beer) and used to drink quite a lot when I was younger. I still really enjoy the feeling of being pleasantly but moderately drunk with good friends, having a laugh. It's brilliant: it makes people feel good and oils the wheels.

As I've got older I like it less and less, it clouds my head, it makes it much harder to get up the next morning, it affects my brain and makes me moody and sometimes depressed. It means I exercise less and eat more and generally it's shit for my body and brain. The upside is increasingly not worth it for me.

I will still do it happily if its a special occasion like a wedding or a birthday or a good get together because it can really enhance the feeling of seeing people. But I'm generally not up for doing it "just because" so if friends suggest the "let's have a couple after work mid-week" I generally won't bother or will just have a single glass because it's just not worth it.

Exactly, I find the tone of the original post whether intended or not really grating and judgemental. It’s almost like “aibu to be disgusted that my friend has a really healthy attitude to alcohol”.

I don't drink. It's an absolute faff to sort out a non-alcoholic drink for a toast etc though and sometimes asking for a non-alcoholuc drink draws so much attention that it just isn't worth it especially as my drink of choice is genuingely tap water!

Luckily I'm past the age of saying I'm not drinking and getting raised eyebrows and people looking at my tummy in a knowing way.

I misread your post. I've just re-read and I don't understand your question.

Are you geuingely Saying that you never eat something you're not bothered by? If you can give or take biscuits but someone hands a tin about in work would you never have one? It's the same thing.

Sometimes non-drinkers get treated as if they are bores or freaks. I've never seen anyonre moan about social drinkers before though so that's new I guess.

@ferneytorro

I find the tone of the original post whether intended or not really grating and judgemental. It’s almost like “aibu to be disgusted that my friend has a really healthy attitude to alcohol”.

I don’t think the OP intended that but I think it’s typical of a culture of mildly coercive alcohol dependency in this country.

An awful lot of people feel threatened and judged by the existence of other people who have learned to enjoy their own lives without alcohol. It makes them question their own attitudes and they don’t like it.

The older I get the more I understand the Temperance movement and the attitude some of the more puritanical Victorians had towards booze. I’m not and never will be a teetotaller and I totally think it’s possible to drink healthily but a majority of people who drink don’t drink healthily.

The normalisation of dysfunctional drinking is really hard to escape from.

I have seen the moralising/assumption making go both ways.

Sometimes the reasons given for the choice of non alcoholic drink can have a moralistic tone to them: don't like to feel out of control, have things to do the next day etc

This can feel like a moral judgement on the people who are having an alcoholic drink. The implication being that they are out of control, have nothing to do the next day etc.

Quite often I have seen the reasons given without the question having been asked which does give a sense of moral judgement.

I feel the same way about cake tbh. I don’t dislike it but I’d not think to have cake by myself. I eat it during festivities as it’s often part of the celebration and it’s nice to join in. It’s not a chore and I get pleasure from doing it, but I generally won’t eat cake again until the next birthday/wedding. Sometimes I will have a bit of cake “for a treat” eg if I’m out with friends but I often find I like the idea of it (cultural pressure?) more than the reality. And it’s nothing to do with being on a diet or virtue or anything as I have plenty of other vices! So I’d assume some people feel the same about booze.

I had no feelings either way about alcohol for the first 30 odd years of my life. Had a drink if everyone else was, wouldn't look forward it or think about it either way.

Then i fell in love with and married a recovering alcoholic. It was only then that i started to see how much store is set on having a drink to 'celebrate' x, y, z. Having a drink to 'unwind'. Having a drink because it's Saturday ...

Sadly DHs mother, despite having seen her son in despair over alcohol when he was younger, STILL seems to feel it's not a celebration unless we're all reaching for the bottle every time someone farts has a birthday or whatever 🙄 I can see where his troubles were rooted.

It's changed how i feel about alcohol. I don't feel the need to explain though, when out and about.

All this is not exactly relevant to the OP - but attitudes to alcohol are many and varied and can be more complicated than you think.

I like alcohol, but I have long covid, and when I have a flare up, I feel fuzzy headed half the time anyway. It makes me really value the time I DON'T feel like I have a sponge for a brain, so I prefer to stay sober.

My favourite drink is actually Buck's Fizz, because it's so refreshing.

Or, is it non-drinkers feeling the need to justify themselves because other people are judging THEM? As this post and numerous others on MN show.

I make no comment on other's drinking. I just don't care unless it's directly affecting me or is dangerous eg drink driving.

However, if someone asks "aren't you giving a drink?" (Which happens much, much more than people who do drink realise!) I'm going to tell the truth which is, I don't like how it makes me feel or how I act because I get drunk very quickly and I do struggle the next day.

If you feel judged or criticised by me saying that, then maybe you need to think about why that is and it isn' because of me.

if mousakka was the special meal that everyone ate at Christmas and at weddings, then I've no doubt that you would eat it at those times. Doesn't mean you love it.

Exactly. It’s the social aspect of it. I have a friend who’s a “take it or leave it” drinker, but he’ll share wine with a meal or a beer after work or a glass of champagne as a celebration. Because that’s the social norm and he’s happy to join in. (There’s nothing wrong with choosing not to join in if you don’t want to have alcohol, of course - but equally, nothing wrong with choosing to join in for the sake of joining in, if you see what I mean?)

That ^^

I can go years without drinking but occasionally I like a cider on a hot day, or a pint after work with colleagues. Very occasionally I go out and binge drink and get hammered on a night out

Yes I agree. Well put!

I could have said this at some point. It’s meant in reality that I could drink but most of the time preferred not to and very rare it would be yes. So “”special occasion “ = “ very rare” .

I wouldn’t want to explain you my health issues or childcare issues because I wouldn’t want to be judged.
I can do alcohol if I’m interested in a particular drink or to fit in or if I just fancy it. However the amount of times I do it is far below average. I would rather go for a coffee with you then for a drink. It’s too long to explain so I prefer to do standard “I only drink at special occasions “ .

I'm generally a light, occasional drinker. I enjoy a sporadic glass or two for special occasions or just-because. Because it's sporadic, it's a treat. If I had it to celebrate it being Mon/ Tues/ Wed/ Thurs/ Fri/ Sat/ Sun, it would be a routine.

I rarely have a desire to drink a lot because it's bad for my digestive system, poor for sleep and it's rarely worth a hang over. I also don't want the hundreds of spare calories constantly building up on my waist.

I think I last drank at new year? I don't do Dry January, because there's no benefit either way. I don't need to cut down and set rules, and if I fancy something part-way through the month, there's no benefit in abstaining. I think my attitudes are mentally and physically healthy.

I'm still gradually working on the bottles of gin that were bought for my birthday a couple of years ago.

I'm very similar with cake. Although that needs finishing off quicker once opened😁

I hate alcohol. But sometimes force myself to have a glass of something at a celebration. This is because of English culture, it would be seen as odd, not to have one to join in.

Well they obviously do like it I like a takeaway but only have one now and again

I'm a very occasional drinker of red wine (and an even more occasional raspberry liqueur). I like it with pasta mainly. But I only need about 1/3rd of an old fashioned small glass 125ml (so only around 40ml) to start feeling light headed. I expect if I drank more I'd get more tolerance.

I like it occasionally, when I'm in the mood. Like pancakes, it is nicer for having it less often.

We also consciously decided not to start drinking more in lockdown because of the slippery slope factor.

I'm a little like this with red meat. I don't care for it very frequently, but it's a nice thing to have for a fancy meal, if friends come, to mark a special occasion. It's like I like to have it for the change, and I like to share it with others. This has happened as more and more people go veggie, meaning it becomes an event to have a meat eating guest list. I do actively want to eat it and enjoy it, but wouldn't want it every day.

Contrast this to the way I like to eat chocolate every day!

There's also the way foods have labels for us. Oysters used to be for the poor, now they are a special treat. Sparkling wine is a celebration drink so I get why people join in with that. There's also stuff about how sharing the same thing and sharing alcohol are good at releasing hormones that facilitate social bonding.

I'm slightly similar to these people in that I enjoy alcohol far more as a thing to share with other people, although I drink more regularly than them. Far less in to solo drinking.

I can take it or leave it. I enjoy a drink when I go out, when I am amongst other people. I have spent 99.9% of nights on my own with 2 ( now older ) children for over 10 years. I don't like the gee-up a drink gives me when I'm on my own. It makes me sad that I was widowed at 42. And I feel up, but with nowhere to go or no one to have fun with. I can't imagine there's much worse for your kids growing up than a drunk lonely mum.
When I'm at a friend's house, I will sometimes have a soft drink but they don't have alcohol-free alternatives available.
But drinking is definitely a social thing for me. Yes I have a drink on my birthday or someone else's, at Christmas etc etc but that's not because it's my birthday or Christmas, it's because that is when I'm with other people and I like having a drink with other people.

The major difference between alcohol and cake (or any other food) is the effect on you after having a few drinks / slices of cake. With cake, the enjoyment is while you're eating it. Afterwards, the pleasure is gone and you feel the same (but fuller). For some people (me), the enjoyment of alcohol is not while taking a sip but in the feeling of being tipsy / drunk / losing your inhibitions. You can't do that all the time though (for reasons of health / not wanting a hangover / not wanting to become an alcoholic!) so you save it for special occasions.

Long term brain washing that alcohol is a requirement in life.

And yes, some are deeply offended by non-drinkers.

It'd be funny to turn the tables and a stare down my nose at people drinking and say, "you sure do drink a lot!" 😂

I don't like turkey but I eat it at Christmas.

I sort of get where you’re coming from. I really love wine but I only drink it occasionally as it’s high calorie, expensive and too much alcohol isn’t good for you.
However using the cake analogy… I’m not bothered by cake. It’s not something I’d ever really crave. But I eat it at birthdays/special occasions as it’s a culture/societal thing. And I do quite enjoy it on the rare occasions I have it. Just wouldn’t seek it out in between!